Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

I want a baby..

60 replies

Laura12345 · 09/03/2008 23:32

Im 15 and i really want a baby..
people say i wouldnt be able to cope but i know i would.

But the only thing is i dont want to ruin my future.

I know im a bit young but it is my only dream at the moment.

Please give me some advice
and tell me what you think i should do!

Thanks
x

OP posts:

littlelamb · 09/03/2008 23:35

SparklyGothKat · 09/03/2008 23:35

Don't do it. You are young and have lots of time for kids. I had my first son at 18 (am 29 now and have had my 4th child in sept) and see people I know who are my age without kids fully enjoying themselves, and I admit I am of them. I wouldn't change my live now, I adore my kids, but I would have waited.

nancy75 · 09/03/2008 23:38

i was 30 when i had my first child - it was bloody hard work! i dont want to sound patronising but i had a steady relationship, steady job, place to live money ect and it was still hard - at 15 it would be a nightmare

pedilia · 09/03/2008 23:42

cod inspired??

TheWiltedRose · 09/03/2008 23:43

I had my first child at the age of 16 and another at 18 and believe me, i love my children to bits but if i could go back i wouldnt have had them.

You say you dont wat to ruin your life but how would you feel when all of your friends are out having fun and your stuck in with a crying baby and no money?

How would you feel when your boyfriend left you because he "didnt fancy it anymore" and you were left alone and nobody else wanted you because you were a mum now?

And how would you feel not being able to do the little things that you take for granted such and have a drink in the evening at a pub, or just go to a shope without half an hours effort to get children ready and dressed and fed and watered ans so on so on before you went.

And how would you feel being stuck on benifits practically starving because you cant afford the childcare to get a job and even if you have people to help you with it dont want to give you a job because yo might have days off?

And how would you honestly feel if you ruined your body with strechmarks and scars and sagginess that isnt there now leaving you hating the way you look?

Believe me kid (and thats what you are still)
Treasure these years and make something of yourself before you even consider it, it might seem like a perfect little fantasy now but in reality it can be a nightmare.

Original poster

Laura12345 · 09/03/2008 23:44

Thanks for the advice guys

I just want this feeling to go away.

I was pregnant before but i got rid of it.

Which in some ways i do regret but i know it was for the best.

But i don't know why i just really want a kid.

I see my sisters with there kids.. and i get really jealous.

I hate it .

OP posts:

TheWiltedRose · 09/03/2008 23:46

Sounds hard but i think its just guilt making you feel this way just let it go it will pass, concentrate on school or college instead and wait til you ready please!

bookwormmum · 09/03/2008 23:48

You might want a baby but what can you offer a baby?

You'll have a hard time completing your education, getting a job or going into further/higher education, and your social life will take a dive if you have a baby now. You can also kiss goodbye to gap years or travelling around the world. In 3 years time most of your friends will be off to university or working and you'd be left holding a toddler. Yes it is fun but it'd more fun when you are at least in your 20s, with a place to live, a job to fall back on and a partner to do it with.

nancy75 · 09/03/2008 23:48

seeing other people with their kids is not the same, when they cry you can give them back. if you are stuck on your own with a baby screaming in the middle of the night they dont look nearly as cute.

littlelamb · 09/03/2008 23:49

Trip trap
But if i must be taken in by this, why on earth is that kind of existence your 'only dream'? Why not have some real ambition and try to make something of yourself? I absolutely hate this kind of attitude which seems more and more prevelant in teenage girls. You are 15 fgs! Just who do you expect to support you?

Original poster

Laura12345 · 09/03/2008 23:50

Ive mucked up my future, because ive had so many problems in life. I managed to get myself kicked out of school. .

Miss it loads!

just hate the feeling.

Thanks so much for your advice Wiltedrose you've been really nice about it.

Was expecting people to be really rude.

Really need more people like you in my life who give good advice .

Thanks so much!
x

OP posts:

davidtennantsmistress · 09/03/2008 23:50

having a baby will not replace the one you lost/what ever, which I suspect is prob the possible route of some of your feelings.

bookwormmum · 09/03/2008 23:50

My last post does sound a bit harsh - I just read your last post. I think it's normal to feel like that from time to time esp in light of what you have just said.

TheWiltedRose · 09/03/2008 23:51

laura do you have msn? add me im

the(underscorre)wilted(underscore)rose
at hotmail dot com

FAWKEOFF · 09/03/2008 23:52

i donkt know what to think about this thread to be honest.... is this part of the cod thingy????

davidtennantsmistress · 09/03/2008 23:52

(sorry don't mean to be rude, or abrupt, but think about it for a minute)

have been in that position myself. (other side of the coin) and that was my 'logic' at the time, when I was 16.

Original poster

Laura12345 · 09/03/2008 23:55

bookwormmum: You're saying what you feel which is what i asked you to do.

Just upsets me when some people ( not you ) can be so rude.

littlelamb: i do have other ambitions in life but the is one of them. What i said came out wrong. I have many ambitions in life but that is one of them.

OP posts:

bookwormmum · 09/03/2008 23:56

I wanted a baby when I was 15 - for about 10 minutes! Then normal teenage selfishness took over and I forgot about it for another 9 or so years when my biological clock suddenly woke up when my niece was born. Still took me another 4.2 years after that to actually get around to having my own dd.

Aitch · 09/03/2008 23:56

i think if you've lost a baby then it's a very powerful urge to have a child to 'replace' it. i think you know, though, that the urge is best put down at the moment, so that you'll be in a good position financially, emotionally, educationally before you get pregnant again.

i'm sorry that you seem to possibly regret not having your other baby, it's so difficult. do you have anyone you can talk to about that?

LynetteScavo · 09/03/2008 23:57

Well, over the bridge I go....

Laura you say you've been kicked out of school? You don't go to school at all?

TheWiltedRose · 09/03/2008 23:57

ii had ambitions too, i was in college studying performing arts i wanted to be on stage!

Now i live ina council house on my own on benifits stuggeling to survive and cant get a job never mind go to college and fufill what i want to do

Alambil · 10/03/2008 00:01

I actually think it is normal - a stage, no less - that all teenagers go through around this age. I know I did and most of my mates did too.

The thing is, you have no income so would need benefits - that is SO hard to get out of when you are in it... trust me - i'm still trying after 5 years.

You also could go to college and get some GCSEs, some A levels - whatever and possibly even go to university. Or you could get a job, save up and travel - go volunteering abroad. Or just travel.

See the big wide world - don't tie yourself down at 15, please.

I was 19 when I had my DS and that was really hard - I'd hate to think how hard it would be any younger TBH.

What are your other ambitions? Have you looked in to going to college/school to further your education?

SparklyGothKat · 10/03/2008 00:02

seriously Laura, If I knew what I know now, I wouldn't had had my kids at 18, 20 and 21. My youngest is 6 months old and I was 28 when I had him, and I have found it much easier than when I was 18.

There is lots of reasons to not have a baby at 15, and some of them are medical. Did you know that young girls are more likely to give birth prematurely? I have had 4 preterm labours and my 3 youngest have all spent time in SCBU, its so hard. I hated leaving them when I was discharged, and rushing back and fore to hospital is hard.

I don;t want to scare you, but you have so much time ahead of you, you don;t need to do it yet.

LynetteScavo · 10/03/2008 00:03

The optimum age to have a baby, physically, is 22.

Have you gone to bed, Laura?

Original poster

Laura12345 · 10/03/2008 00:04

I get home tutored 2 days a week at the mo.
But it will be more when the year 11's leave.

Aitch: i think that might be what all this is about but i just wish it would go.

Just to let people know i am being genuine and not just messing around.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3