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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

I want a baby..

60 replies

Laura12345 · 09/03/2008 23:32

Im 15 and i really want a baby..
people say i wouldnt be able to cope but i know i would.

But the only thing is i dont want to ruin my future.

I know im a bit young but it is my only dream at the moment.

Please give me some advice
and tell me what you think i should do!

Thanks
x

OP posts:

bookwormmum · 10/03/2008 00:05

What's the best age to have a baby, mentally/emotionally?

Physically, 22? That seems very young.

Alambil · 10/03/2008 00:06

Have you had counselling?

Alambil · 10/03/2008 00:06

never bookworm - it's way too stressful !!

Aitch · 10/03/2008 00:10

maybe you'll need some help to let it go, laura? is there someone at school who you could ask? (i know you're not attending right now but presumably you are still 'at' the school?)

it is possible to regret something terribly but still know in your heart of hearts it was the right decision, i think. but sometimes it can be difficult to get that straight in your head, it can make you stuck. i'm so sorry that you're finding yourself in this position.

Original poster

Laura12345 · 10/03/2008 00:11

Im still here.

My ambitions are to either work in a nursery.. or be a childrens nurse... or a premature baby nurse.
I want 5 kids.

And im going to go to college and do Childcare and buiness studies.

Yes i have had counselling and it didnt work.
Me and the counseller didnt get on.
My docter atm is finding me a good one.
Im on the waiting list.

OP posts:

bookwormmum · 10/03/2008 00:11

I was just wondering

LynetteScavo · 10/03/2008 00:13

Mentally/emotionally? Late 20's/ early 30's I would reckon.

Financially? As late as possible.

Seriously, Laura, I can understand you wanting a baby. I have known that desperate ache. Then I spent the first year of my sons life wondering why anyone ever had more that one child.

SparklyGothKat · 10/03/2008 00:13

I actually understand why you want a baby, I miscariaged in 1999 and 2007 and after both miscarriages, having a baby was all I thought about, and I DID fall pregnant soon after both (DD1 is now 7 and DS2 is 6 months) but you are only 15, please think about it seriously, what can you provide for a baby, apart from love?

LynetteScavo · 10/03/2008 00:14

than one child.

Aitch · 10/03/2008 00:15

and is the school counsellor a terrible twat? or is he or she quite nice? because i bet you that anyone working in a school will have helped lots of girls in your situation.

in the meantime, i personally think it's understandable that you want a child, so long as you know that it's not something you'll pursue for a good few years yet.

do you have a wee way to mark the passing of that other pregnancy? for my first lost pregnancy my husband bought me a ring. nothing fancy, but it was a nice gesture and i like wearing it.

Original poster

Laura12345 · 10/03/2008 00:15

Yes Aitch i have a learning mentor at school.
She is amazing and helps me through alot.

Ive recently been diagnosed with depression by my doctor.

I hate myself for getting rid of that baby but i know in the long run it was better, even though i want one now.

I know its not a good idea me having a baby but i can't help having this feeling.

OP posts:

Alambil · 10/03/2008 00:16

It's good that you are on the waiting list - that is a really big step in the right direction. Did you know you can call the Life support team for free counselling too on 0800 915 4600; it might help while you are waiting?

I wanted 8 kids when I was 15... I'm 25 now (oh I'm so old!) and have a five year old... now not sure I want 8 of them!!

Your job ambitions are brilliant; what a fulfilling job you want. Have you spoken to your tutor about what you need to do to get there? (a plan helps keep focus, I think)

Aitch · 10/03/2008 00:17

you can't help having that feeling, sweetheart, you're grieving. have you spoken to your learning mentor about all this? can she access help for you?

SparklyGothKat · 10/03/2008 00:20

when did you terminate your pregnancy? Is it near your due date now? I am wondering if that is why you are feeling it so much?

Original poster

Laura12345 · 10/03/2008 00:21

No i have nothing just the abusive texts my ex left on my phone .

None of my family no about me getting rid of the baby.

Me doing that feels like the worse decision i ever made in my life.

OP posts:

Aitch · 10/03/2008 00:23

i imagine it was the hardest decision, certainly. would you like to tell your mum, do you think?

Alambil · 10/03/2008 00:24

Can you talk to your family? You need support through grief

I think it may help you to talk to some professional post-abortion counsellors, do you think? There is a free-call number: Life Helpline 0800 915 4600 that can help - they are lovely, lovely people and may be able to help you think about whether to and how to tell your family

Original poster

Laura12345 · 10/03/2008 00:25

I would have a 3 month old now.

She knows i had sex with him but she doesnt know i was pregnant.

Only people who know are my ex, me and some of my close friends.

Lewisfan: Yes i have spoken 2 my tutor about it and they are putting me on the right path towards that slowly but surely.

OP posts:

Aitch · 10/03/2008 00:28

how do you feel about telling your mum? and do you think you might phone lewis's number tomorrow?

Original poster

Laura12345 · 10/03/2008 00:31

I can't talk to my family at all.
I'm kind of a out cast!
They always think i'm doing things wrong.

Thanks so much you guys for your help i can't thank you enough.

I hate myself for the decision i made but i know it was for the best.

OP posts:

Original poster

Laura12345 · 10/03/2008 00:33

Im dont want to tell my mum as she really stressed at the moment.
Shes going to hospital soon because she has cancer and it would put alot of stress on her.

I might do but i have a real trust problem and find it hard to talk to people.

OP posts:

Aitch · 10/03/2008 00:35

and hopefully in time the knowing it was for the best will assume more importance in your mind than the fact that you don't like yourself very much for it right now. think about giving that number a ring, will you?

davidtennantsmistress · 10/03/2008 00:36

laura - talk to your mum, if you have a good relationship with her.

as for your ex - well, he's prob hurting as well at the minute & is no doubt a touch too immature, but for the most part what ever he's saying ignore it. my x was very very nasty - as also the same age as you are now.

as for the depression, you really need to see a differnet councillor - sometimes we don't get on with one or the other and need to find one which suits as it were.

when I was 16 I too had a termaintion - at the time it felt like the best and worse thing I could do. the pain doesn't go away, it doesn't get any easier, but it's only as you do things in your life you can think to yourself well if I hadn't of done that I wouldn't have this that I have now. your life is so full of promise right now, and the yearning will ease - won't fade, and you'll never forget but it will ease, it will become bearable. Make the sacrifice you have made now mean something good in your future - if that makes any sence at all?

if you want to talk, i'm normally on msn esp once DS is asleep. so all you have to do is ask.

Aitch · 10/03/2008 00:37

fortunately they won't know who you are so it's not like you have to trust them, iykwim?

Original poster

Laura12345 · 10/03/2008 00:39

Yes i will.

but i dont know what to say to them
??

OP posts:

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