Please tell me about your teen dd's eating habits

[Idontknow010101]

I'm so worried about my dd 14 and disordered eating behaviour, I'd like to get a gage on what other teenage girls are like... (I only have 1 dd)

When dd was 12 she began restricting food, to the point I became really worried and we went to the GP, got her a therapist etc. The therapy only lasted a few sessions and dd refused to get a blood test as per gp reccomendation. Her eating had got a bit better by then so I didn't push it, but I've always monitored what she eats.

She eats lunch and dinner, she never eats breakfast. She will also have a pudding type thing in the evening.

What worries me, is this absolute rule she has about breakfast - for eg if she's hungry at 11, she refuses to eat until lunch still, which could be hours away still. It's this fixed thing she has in her head about it.

She seems to think about food and meal planning a lot. One of the things we do together is go out to eat and she will talk about it for days before hand.

Her dad and I are separated and she only sees him fortnightly. He doesn't worry about her. Her stepfather - my partner, doesnt seem that worried about this either.

She has friends, goes off to school ok, she can be anxious and always has been, but she seems to manage OK (perhaps it's the control she has with eating?) She is a regular teenager - often grumpy, occasionally pleasant. It's hard to know if her mood is ED related or just normal teen stuff.

She is thin and petite. About 5 foot, and a size 6-8. I am 5'3 and have always been around a 10-12 (she's smaller than I would expect my daughter to be, is what I mean)

Do I sound like I'm worrying too much or am I justified? Any advice or thoughts appreciated

Do you think she is doing fasting? eg concentrating meals into a , say 8 hour period of the day. It’s quite fashionable at the moment, for weight loss/ weight maintenance, but in adults. I don’t know what the effect could be in teenagers eg if it could maybe reduce growth in height a bit, i guess it would depend in the total calories ingested. I would keep an eye on it , without being too overtly stressed out. Restricting further would be a red flag. Good luck and seek he,p from the GP again if you have more concerns.

It seems OK to me.

DD is 16 and has porridge for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch and then whatever we are having for tea. Then a few snacks in the evening maybe 3 times a week.

If I didn't make her the porridge before college she'd prob go without eating til lunch, but I always make it for her cos I know she'll prioritise her make up otherwise!!

She's 5'7 and a size 8.

I'm pretty much the same height and build as your daughter (but I'm 44 not 14!). And I virtually never eat breakfast and haven't done since I started high school. I just can't face eating in the morning. I'm a healthy bmi and have never had a HCP suggest I'm underweight. So from that perspective I'd not worry.

However what stands out to me is the fact that she won't eat in the morning even if she's hungry. Because that seems like she has set a rule and won't break it - rigidity of thought. On the odd occasion that I am hungry before 12 then I will eat.

Thank you all I appreciate your perspectives.

Yes that's right @TooMinty she seems totally unmovable / rigid in her no eating in the morning rule. She won't talk about it either, just says 'I'm not hungry' or 'I don't want something now I want to wait till lunch'

I think the fasting thing is fine for adults but not for growing teens.. I just worry its setting up unhealthy food habits / an unhealthy relationship with food.

My personal feeling is that if you make it into "a thing" with worry and anxiety around it, she will pick up on it and this could cause further issues.

If she starts dropping weight, THEN I would be concerned, but not beforehand. Have you spoken to BEAT to see what advice they would give?

It's probably best not to fuss too much over it though, she will probably just dig her heels in more. If she's eating a healthy lunch and tea then I'd leave her to it.

OK thank you both, I will do that.

No I haven't spoken to beat but I was looking at their website this afternoon.

She sounds very much like my DD right down to wanting to know what we are eating sometimes days in advance.

My DD has ARFID and is being assessed for ASD and ADHD. I think with your DD's eating habits and anxiety it might be worth reading up on ARFID and ASD in girls.

There's an ARFID thread running over in the ED section

Does she have energy ?
Is she sleeping a lot?
Does she spend time in the bathroom after eating?
Does she weigh herself?
Does she hate having photos taken?
Just some things to keep an eye on while you follow the above advice.

Nice to hear you care though never think your worrying over nothing better to be safe than sorry and actually be involved with your kids. No one cared when all I ate was a bag of haribo or a bag of crisps everyday for years

I have suspected asd (suspect it in myself too) I spoke to GP about it around 18 months ago but they shrugged it off. I've kept a list of behaviours I think are indicative of her asd. I will look up afrid and asd in girls, thank you.

Energy - not very much, but she seems to be able to do the things she needs (gets herself up and showered etc)

Sleep - not more than I would expect.

Bathroom - not especially and if she does I always listen out

We don't have any scales for her to weigh herself

Yes hates family taking photos but takes plenty of herself and her mates

I'm sorry to hear noone noticed your heavily restricted diet @quietnightmare , that's shockingly little food. Thank you for your kind words

@Idontknow010101 you wouldn't believe the amount of times I've expressed to a Professional that I think my DD might need assessing for ASD and it's been shrugged off. Unfortunately lots of girls with ASD are brilliant at masking.

They really are aren't they @SiouxsieSiouxStiletto

Meanwhile, I/ we, get a terrible backlash of moodiness and rudeness

I'm glad to hear your dd is on the path of being assessed, I hope you don't have to wait too long. Do you have any advice on what works to support your dd with her afrid?

Is she on TikTok? There is often trend cycles regarding eating, there was Keto then Calorie deficits and the one that’s popular right now is intermittent fasting, that’s what came to mind for me x

Does she watch a lot of tic tok? My teen does and everything she says seems to be a quote from there!
anyway. Mine is almost 14, 5ft6/7, age 14-15 size 6/8 clothes and eats -
Breakfast- a chocolate spread sandwhich and juice
school - ham wrap, mini sausages, tomatoes, a rice cake, a small brownie, crisps
home - twiglets, apple, sometimes choc covered rice cakes
dinner - adult size dinner (toad in the hole with 2 sausages, mash, broccoli, carrots and peas this evening)

she used to snack a lot in the evening but has stopped that since slowing down on the growing front. I think she is aware of her size, as she used to join in when he brother was eating loads (he’s grown 5” in the last year so has a reason to!) but she’s stopped that now.

I think ARFID is different for everyone. Our DD needs "food security". So she needs to know there will be food she can eat.

So things like making sure she's had a good meal before we go to an event where there's food or taking her to MacDonalds on the way takes away a huge amount of anxiety about the food at the event for her.

I also keep some "beige food" that I know she'll eat in the freezer. Sometimes she will be completely overwhelmed and not able to eat a meal with us, even one that she's been looking forward to.

Strangely knowing there is some food in that she can cook and eat has taken away a lot more anxiety and she actually eats with us more.

She is on tiltok yes. Seems to watch a lot of true crime stuff (why is it so popular with girls who have anxiety 😆) but I'm sure she is exposed to diet stuff too. She's been skipping breakfast for a couple of years now so not so much a new thing.

Tbh it seems routine based (which again makes me think of asd)
At school she might sometimes have something on first break - around 11. She has told me she does this cos she gets up earlier and so is hungrier earlier.. compared to the weekend when she gets up around 9. Otoh, it's still very much a 'rule' - days not at school mean she just doesn't eat until lunchtime regardless of when she gets hungry. I wonder if she's disconnected from her hunger cues too, as she's so fixated on the rule she's imposed.

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto the food security thing makes sense for my dd too.

She has such particular likes around food - as well as very repetitive behaviour around it - eating same thing over and over. Not eating what she wants can lead to a lot of stress and anxiety for her and she will refuse to eat. She had a meltdown the other week as the wrap she made wouldn't wrap. (This was one of my better parenting moments as I didnt lose it and managed to keep v calm - gotta take the wins however small huh)

I wonder if she's disconnected from her hunger cues too, as she's so fixated on the rule she's imposed.

Being disconnected from hunger cues can be ADHD. Lots of people with ADHD "fast" when they're fixated on something else.

Some people do think about food more than others. I went on holiday with a friend this year and was surprised how she would think and talk about what were going to eat that day and sometimes the next, whereas I don't care. I can always just have bread and cheese. Really don't much care.

Interesting. She's certainly distracted by her phone and gets totally absorbed by it

Interesting. She's certainly distracted by her phone and gets totally absorbed by it

Sounds like you might need to read up on ADHD too. "How to ADHD" is a good starting point

@Charlingspont is your friend restrictive with her eating and eating habits? That's the bit I worry about and doesn't match up to the huge interest in food, iyswim

No breakfast here 😒.
Crap for lunch at school.
The healthiest dinner I can make with about 8 vegetables. Mostly eats it.
Eats well when out for dinner.
Likes salads and vegetable and
A healthy weight but skinner than everyone else in family.
Worries me but trying to stay cool.

Is she on TikTok or X (Twitter) if so can you see her accounts, does she talk/search about things like: thinspo (thin inspiration), ugw (ultimate goal weight), omad (one meal a day)?