Please tell me about your teen dd's eating habits

[Idontknow010101]

I'm so worried about my dd 14 and disordered eating behaviour, I'd like to get a gage on what other teenage girls are like... (I only have 1 dd)

When dd was 12 she began restricting food, to the point I became really worried and we went to the GP, got her a therapist etc. The therapy only lasted a few sessions and dd refused to get a blood test as per gp reccomendation. Her eating had got a bit better by then so I didn't push it, but I've always monitored what she eats.

She eats lunch and dinner, she never eats breakfast. She will also have a pudding type thing in the evening.

What worries me, is this absolute rule she has about breakfast - for eg if she's hungry at 11, she refuses to eat until lunch still, which could be hours away still. It's this fixed thing she has in her head about it.

She seems to think about food and meal planning a lot. One of the things we do together is go out to eat and she will talk about it for days before hand.

Her dad and I are separated and she only sees him fortnightly. He doesn't worry about her. Her stepfather - my partner, doesnt seem that worried about this either.

She has friends, goes off to school ok, she can be anxious and always has been, but she seems to manage OK (perhaps it's the control she has with eating?) She is a regular teenager - often grumpy, occasionally pleasant. It's hard to know if her mood is ED related or just normal teen stuff.

She is thin and petite. About 5 foot, and a size 6-8. I am 5'3 and have always been around a 10-12 (she's smaller than I would expect my daughter to be, is what I mean)

Do I sound like I'm worrying too much or am I justified? Any advice or thoughts appreciated

3 teen girls. 2 have breakfast one doesn't. All 3 have disordered eating IMO. It's a bloody nightmare.

The one rule I try to implement is that they don't restrict too many foods. DD2 can never enjoy what we are eating as a family. There's always bits that she finds complicated to eat.

DD1 has such a sweet tooth and one of the contraceptive pills she took made her so hungry and she ballooned very quickly and that's never changed despite 16:8 fasting.

DSD3 stopped growing at 12 and is under 5 foot. She is apparently currently trying to loose 15kg which is insane. And she'll put it all back on at some point of past attempts are anything to judge by.

Im clearly doing something wrong. I try to comment as little as possible because it makes it infinitely worse if you do.

It's so hard. I can't imagine having 3 of them all going through it, it must be exhausting and relentless. I doubt you're doing anything wrong @Wallywobbles , it's an impossible task to try and counteract cultural pressures. I also sympathise though and feel like I've failed in some way.

It sounds like you have an open dialogue with your dds about it? Dieting/ restricting that is. That's a real positive. My dd won't engage in any discussion and tells me I'm being ridiculous and ott.

I wonder about the Impact they (peers/siblings) have on each other. Yesterday she came in from town with 2 friends, I offered them snacks and they all parroted 'no thanks were not hungry' like on autopilot. A couple of years ago they would have dived right in.

I haven't checked her search history in a while but good point. She will be livid that I'm going though it. When it first started when she was 12, she suddenly stopped eating carbs which I knew was tiktok inspired, but that phase didn't last long thank god

There's also the edtwt tag on Twitter (eating disorders Twitter) it's basically the pro-ana tags that used to be on MySpace back in the 90s/00s when we grew up. People taking photos and with targets to get BMI to between 12-16 by fasting and eating as little as humanly possible.

No she's not, good point. I see why you're worried then.

Take note of how many paracetamol she may be using. Teenage girls use paracetamol to relieve hunger pain. It’s a very subtle sign because it is quite normal to take paracetamol for period pain and headaches. Easy to miss.
I only found this out via DS’s ex gf mum. His ex had eating disorder amongst other problems and since she often stayed with us, her mum wanted me to be aware.

Op, You're absolutely right to worry. At 12 she shouldn't be restricting breakfast if she's hungry. She's controlling her intake for some reason which could be any number of things - peer pressure, wanting to lose weight or her anxiety making her want to feel in control of something- in this case food.

My dd has anorexia and she started off by cutting out lunch and then getting fussy over carbs, refusing treats. I didn't notice soon enough and she lost weight snd became very ill very quickly.

I agree with pp that you don't want to jump in and make it a 'thing' but I would insist she has some kind of breakfast daily even if a healthy smoothie or cereal bar and a glass of milk. You could explain that girls of her age going through puberty need to keep their blood sugar level or there's the very real risk of feeling faint or actually fainting. Sometimes spelling out the science of energy in = energy out will work. If she resists and it becomes a battle then I would advise trying to get some professional help. Beat is a good starting point.

Shes not as restrictive now as she was at 12, thankfully. Its the rule around no breakfast that's stayed since 12. Infact we did have a period where I insisted she eat breakfast, I said she could choose whatever it was but she needed to eat something. She usually chose a muffin or yogurt. (She still takes a muffin to school although eats it later in the day I think)

I thinknits that she's genuinely not hungry till 10.30/11/11.30 (depending on when she wakes) and by that time she doesn't want to spoil her appetite for lunch - which she looks forward to.

Shes so fussy with food and textures and wouldn't eat a piece of fruit or some nuts to tide her by, she likes what she feels are 'proper meals'

Every ED is different. fwiw, I only eat when I'm hungry so that can mean no breakfast, but I don't have an ED ... now. When I had an ED, skipping breakfast wasn't a partic feature.

ADult DD has an ED, or has had, or may be in recovery, who knows. She is obsessive about eating breakfast & can't skip it. But portions r small & weird.

The thinking about food & meal planning is OP's real red flag, imho.