I'm Pregnant =/

[DaniellaC]

I'm 16 and found out this morning that i'm pregnant.
I've told my boyfriend and the school nurse and my best friend know. I'm really scared about telling my parents because they don't even knoe i'm having sex. my heads just so messed up i don't know what to do.
what's the best way to tell my parents and any basic advice?
Thanks
dani x

I am the mother of two teenage daughters. If one of them got pg I would be devastated - I would go apeshit and then I would sit down with them and talk to them and work out what they should do/want to do and what the choices for them are.

I am being honest here. I think most mums would behave like me - as a wise poster said, you are having a baby, not a terminal disease, and once the initial shock had worn off, I would be there for them and support them. I would be gutted if my daughter felt she could not come to me.

but yes it is possible to go to college with a baby, you may want to consider taking a year out first since your baby will be due during the first term (mine was born during the christmas holidays and I didn't take time off, that was hard).

Thank You To everyone For Your Advice. I'm going to ring my boyfriend and talk to him about it and have a look at what my options are re. college and stuff
I'll be Back On Later
Thank You
x

Remember the shock will send her apeshit but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you and want to be there for you - I would box your ears and then give you a big hug!

I was 16 when i had ds1 - i'm now 23 and just about to have my third. Since then, i have done my degree too, so don't think its the end of anything

I had already left home at this point, and had just done my GCSE's, so was a bit better than living at home. TBH i didn't find it any harder being 16 than i would now - there is plenty of support.

Be honest with your Mum and Step-Dad, they love you and will want to help you no matter what

There is a nationwide scheme called Care to Learn - if you are under 19 with a child, they pay your childcare for you whilst you are learning.

here

I've not been a teenage mum and I haven't got a teenage daughter (yet). But I'd like to think that if in 12 years time my daughter got pregnant she'd tell me as soon as possible, because I'd want to know if something as important as that is going on in her life. I'm her mum and mums are there to support their children and help them through the difficult times in their life and that's what I'd want to do for my daughter if she was 16 years old.
Oh and I know I would not go apeshit as that would serve no purpose, I'd just be shocked.
Even though I was not a teenager I was still a mum of 2 when I started and finished my midwifery degree. Yes, children are definitely not the end of your life. It's op to you to make sure of that.

I don't mean to sound mean but this isn't a reg taking part in the 200 post comp is it? (so sorry if it isn't) It just says on your profile you joined in 2003 which means you would have been 11?

So sorry again if this is a real post. And all the advice sounds really good.

i was 21 when i had dd, who is now 3 and in my final year of uni. it was so worth it. yes, you're looking at hard work and a lot of juggling, but there are a lot of avenues of help. my employer was even impressed that i'd juggled the two!

and you've been SO sensible thus far, that i think you'll be ok, whatever you decide

Are you sure you're pg? between 3 and 6 weeks sounds incredibly early and I know from experience at your age pregnancy scares can be awful and feel real but is it for definite?

Also littlemissbliss, she has posted many times, always the same age, so I'd imagine she is for real.

Scorpio - thank you for that link that's a great help =]
LMB - no i'm not I was 12 when i joined the site i got reccommended here by my childcare teacher for research.
Just spoke to my friends mum about it all and she's been a big help too.
Thank you everyone for all your help =]
x

Ok Sorry I just know that there is this challenge on at the moment and had not come accross this poster until now and just thought that 11 (yr 6) is a young age to join mumsnet. My appologise Dani hope everything works out for the best.

VictorianSqualor - I just went for a full STI test today ( I just went along to support my best friend) and part of the test was a pregnancy test and it came up positive so they did another and that one came up positive too and please correct me if i'm wrong but i think you can only get false negatives?
x

x post
Sorry again

I was pg at 16 too my dd1 is 8 now I'll be honest it was hard at first.

(here's where I waffle on for abit!)

I laughed when i did the pg test and it came up positive I thought well I know I'm going to keep it so i might as well be happy and I don't regret having her, I regret how other people reacted, i felt like my first pregnancy should have been celebrated, people should have been happy for me but all anyone (apart from my family) said was how hard it was going to be, how I had messed up my life

I'd been living with my dad and step mum for about a year at the time, I was going through a rebellious stage (tatto, pieced belly) I went and stayed with my friends for a few days while i sorted my head out then I went home and packed my bags when my dad asked what was wrong and what i was doing I said "well there's not room here for me and a baby so i'm moving out" He replied I hope you are joking - I wasn't (obviously) he let me go I think he wasn't sure how to react and thought I should have some time to myself, I lived in a flat without hot water or heating for about a week before my mum offered for me to come back home.
My mum's reaction - it was 10pm and she was in bed when i went round (my sister had taken me there and said we weren't leaving until i'd told her) I had to get her out of bed which she wasn't too happy about I sat down with her and blurted it out she said "well i'm not suprised really, if you have the baby you will be responsible for it, don't expect me to take care of it. Sounds like a bad reaction but she just wanted me to be sure I could manage, she's helped me if I've really needed it, she could have helped more but she had her own life too, she helped me decorate and was there for the birth, she helped with the nights when I needed her, she babysits sometimes and is always on the end of the phone, when I moved out I remember her coming round at 6am because i hadn't slept all night!
My dad has been great too he used to babysit so I could work in a pub then he'd pick me up from work and drop us both home.
My sister has helped out loads, always buying things and babysitting sometimes too. Dp's family have been great too, we now have dd2 and I'm so glad I had my children while i am young enough to enjoy them and be here as long as poissible watching them grow up!

Whichever path you choose won't be wrong imo you will still get to where fate wants you to end up

I believe my dd1 is a precious gift, sent to me to make me a better person, she has taught me so much, I'm not so selfish, i'm more patient, I've done so much more with my life than I would have without her, maybe I would have got drunk more or gone on more holidays but really nothing is as important as being here for my children making them feel special and loved.

Lovemygirls - Wow thank you for that. that's given me a really good insight into what it's really like. I'm starting to think more and more about keeping it. i think i could cope and kids are basically my life anyway.
Thank You everyone for so much help and thank you for being so supportive=]
x

(BTW I didn't stay with dd1's "father" so your situation is a bit different to mine)

Also dont buy too much stuff (waste of money) and get out everyday (I avoided M&T because i felt people looked down on me, looking back I should have carried on going instead of hiding away)

Go to your local citizens advice burea and find out what kind of help you entitled to this will help to show your mum you understand the responsibilty involved.

You probably know a lot more than I did when I was that age because you're interested in childcare anyway!

It's not all a bed of roses as i'm sure you know from reading MN there will be times you really want to go out with your mates and can't (one of the times i felt like that was my 18th birthday, I couldn't believe everyone I asked to babysit said no, it felt like they wanted to punish me for having dd so young, i'm sure they just were all busy but that did upset me - so when you do have things you really want to go to make sure you book your babysitter early to avoid disapointment ) I've already asked my mum to babysit on the 6th June and my sil to babysit on the 3rd August......lesson learnt i think!!!

DS is snoozing and I'm getting down to some work, just swinging by to say hello. Hope things are ok and your chat with your bf went well. You certainly sound like you have your head screwed on.

Hi Daniella C, I was pregnant with my first daughter at 17, she wasnt planned and I was petrified of telling anyone. I found the best thing to do was to talk it over with someone impartial, ie: Brook Advisory Service and your boyfriend, givce yourself time to get your head around it, decide what you want to do, and when its clear in your mind, write a letter to your mum, sometimes its easier to put all you want to say on paper, that way they cant shout at you straight away and it gives the time for it to sink in, thats what I did when i told my dad (i lived with him when I fell pregnant), I left the letter indoors and went out for the evening. My daughters dad ran a mile but I had her, it was hard, especially when your friends are all going out every weekend and you're stuck indoors, and its hard financially, making sure you get baby all it needs, but if you want the baby then you will always find a way. i wouldnt change my decision and my daughter is now 11 and I have three more children and love being a mum. Just remember you arent the first and you wont be the last. Thats what my nan said to me, and its so true, it really isnt the end of the world either. If you need to talk.......

Tell your parents ,i wouldnt be happy if it was my 16 yr old but i would help her in any way i could. xxxxx

Hi Daniella

I was 14 when I fell pg with my ds1.

I was 15 2 months before he was born. I missed all of the first term of year 11, but went back and finished my GCSE's. I was accepted into the sixth form college, but in the end, I chose not to go as he was by then just starting to babble and crawl, and I didn't want to miss out on that time with him. If we had lived nearer to the college, so that I wouldn't have had to spend the whole day apart from him, then I would definitely have gone.

I had been with my bf (who is now my dh) since I was 13, and we got married 4 months after I turned 16.

I was terrified of telling my parents, not because I thought that they would throw me out or anything, but I was upset that I had "let them down" and I wa worried for my bf. I had tried to be careful, but a condom split AND the MAP failed, so he was meant to be, and my dh and I had talked about the possibility of pg before we had ever slept together, so I knew he would stick by me, and I just couldn't contemplate an abortion.

I found out when I was 5 weeeks pg, but by 12 weeks, I just couldn't find the courage to tell my parents. In the end my best friend broke my confidence and told our head teacher, who then spoke to me, and offered to come with me to tell them. (she already knew my parents quite well)

It was terribly upsetting and traumatic, with lots of shouting, and they did try to persuade me to have an abortion, but I can honestly say it was a relief aswell. I purposely didn't want my bf there, as I felt that all of their anger would have ben directed at him.

Now I am 26, we have been married for 10 years and we now have 5 beautiful dc.

There has been hard times, but I think everyone has them!

Good luck with whatever you decide x

daniella, if you want to talk this through confidentially with a real life person please phone childline (free number even from a mobile) on 0800 1111. they are there 24/7 and the counsellors are v used to counselling young people in your situation. also brook (0800 0185 023 mon to fri 9 - 5)give really good adive to any young person re sex / pregnancy etc. good luck!

advice not adive!

Dani, you wee pet x

My younger sis got pg at 15.

Her boyfriend told her he would stick by her whatever she decided.

We are strict catholic & there was never any choice about whether or not she kept the baby.

She didn't have to tell our mam, as in the end she guessed. Sis was being sick constantly. I remember our older sister saying to us "Just pray for a miscarriage". That sounds awful, but at the time we had no idea of what to do & we knew abortion wasn't an option.

The strain of the pregnancy on her body was awful. She was so petite, still a child reall, who had made a mistake. She still went to school for a while until she confided in her best friend (who went to the Friday night disco & told the whole school) The teacher called mam in & asked her to removed sis from the school as it was a bad example to the other pupils.

She went into labour on a Friday morning & spent all day in the hospital ward.. they didn't move her to a labour ward. She finally had to have a c-section at the end of a long hard exhaustive labour. Her little girl will be 12 next month!

Time goes by & times change, but even in rural catholic Ireland my mother was the one who stood by my sister, she held her head high & when asked, told neighbours she had enough love in her heart for another child, she saw it as a blessing & that we would manage. Bear in mind there was already 8 people in a 3 bedroomed house & you'll see how easy an option the abortion would have been.

Anyway, I dunno why I wrote all this out... I guess to give you another view/opinion.

First thing on my list would be to count the boyfriend out of any decisions. My sister's fella was 15, the same age as her. Except she had to grow up in 9 short months & he didn't. They split before her dd was 6 months old.

Anything you figure for the future, plan it alone incase you don't have the support...but then if you do it will be an added bonus