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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Only children

38 replies

Flyhigher · 29/09/2023 17:23

Are only child girls harder to parent? I really wish I'd had a second. I think it's easy for an only child to rule the roost and divide and rule. Less easy for two to dominate parents. What do people think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyhigher · 29/09/2023 17:24

Also much more lonely for parents as they grow up and away. With two surely that's easier.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 29/09/2023 17:25

I disagree. I think it entirely depends upon the individual

BHRK · 29/09/2023 17:26

I only have experience of 3 but find having siblings helps them snap out of things, they don’t want to miss out on family events and so on. It sort of chivvies them along and makes them realise it’s not all about them

Original poster
Flyhigher · 29/09/2023 17:27

Some are more gentle personalities. Mine is strong willed. But I also think she's lonely too. And has been.

OP posts:
smilesup · 29/09/2023 17:27

My daughter is the youngest of 4 and she rules us all!

Original poster
Flyhigher · 29/09/2023 17:28

@BHRK agreed

OP posts:
SunnySomer · 29/09/2023 17:30

It’s impossible to say. I don’t think our only rules the roost… though as he gets older (he’s 16) we do things more as a three than imposing our decisions on him. Though he’s still v aware that he’s the child.
but I imagine it depends on your personalities and any precedents that have been set earlier. No idea whether girls or boys or harder - but again, I imagine it’s personality rather than sex that matters.

incognito50me · 29/09/2023 17:36

I don't know. I have an only, it isn't easy, and I think this part might have been easier with more than one. On the other hand, I was an only and I was an easy teen (not without my issues, but really quite easy for my parents). I always wished for a sibling, though.

lifeofsty · 29/09/2023 17:37

BHRK · 29/09/2023 17:26

I only have experience of 3 but find having siblings helps them snap out of things, they don’t want to miss out on family events and so on. It sort of chivvies them along and makes them realise it’s not all about them

I completely agree with this, never thought of it this way. My eldest (before siblings) could make entire days miserable by her mood from 5 onwards but after our second came along we have 2 minutes of resistance then she joins in.

Beamur · 29/09/2023 17:40

Not in my experience.
DD has older (half) siblings but they left home while she was still at primary school. DD is not lonely and is a dream of a teen in pretty much every way.

HarrietSchulenberg · 29/09/2023 17:50

I am an only child. My parents would tell you that I was a hideous teen. I used to rage and argue so much that they used to go out for walks to get away from me.
I chose to have 3 children because I didn't like the experience of being solo. My kids have all declared that they only want one child each. C'est la vie - whatever your choices, they're always wrong in the eyes of your teen(s).

ThePaperTrail · 29/09/2023 17:53

I thought studies tended to show that only children were closer to their parents and less difficult as teenagers?

randomusername2020 · 29/09/2023 17:55

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randomusername2020 · 29/09/2023 17:56

This reply has been withdrawn

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Original poster
Flyhigher · 29/09/2023 23:23

@beamur if they have 2 half siblings they aren't an only.

OP posts:
Burlapandbodger · 29/09/2023 23:28

ThePaperTrail · 29/09/2023 17:53

I thought studies tended to show that only children were closer to their parents and less difficult as teenagers?

I think though, the closer your teen is to you, the harder the process is of breaking away from you in order to become an individual adult.

Beamur · 29/09/2023 23:41

Flyhigher · 29/09/2023 23:23

@beamur if they have 2 half siblings they aren't an only.

Thanks for explaining that to me 😂
She is my only...

Remaker · 29/09/2023 23:56

I think it depends on family dynamics but being an only makes certain types of parenting more possible.

Friends of ours only had one so they wouldn’t have their lives/careers impacted too much and have continued on leading a very child unfriendly life just passing the DC around like a houseplant. I think they are a very ‘easy’ child (now teen) but I don’t think it has been a great life for them.

Another friend completely the opposite, teenage DC is doted on particularly by Mum, is apparently perfect and never wrong. Dad gets excluded quite a lot. I predict either Mum will have a huge emotional decline when child leaves home or else DC will ‘fail to launch’ as they’ve never faced any adversity ever, Mum always there to fight all battles for them, considers them her best friend.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/09/2023 00:03

I've got one child - the baby and toddler years were quite tough but she turned into a lovely and a sensible teenager and now young adult.

Bbq1 · 30/09/2023 00:05

My ds, 18 is an only child but is very confident and sociable, loads of friends and growing up had so many hobbies. Ds had so many opportunities we couldn't have given to two. He's very close to us, we're a happy band of 3. He's never been lonely but people need to realise that having a sibling doesn't automatically provide you with a playmate nor does it necessarily prevent you from being lonely.

watcherintherye · 30/09/2023 00:18

I think it depends completely on the family dynamic. I’m an ‘only’. Loving but dysfunctional family. Parents incompatible. For better or worse, and from my perspective, I was the pivot. I was strong-willed and opinionated and wielded far to much power in the family than is healthy for a child, partly because my parents were not a united force.
I do sometimes think having siblings to ‘dilute’ that sometimes very intense situation might have resulted in an easier time for us all.

Channellingsophistication · 30/09/2023 00:29

It so depends…. I have an only DS 15 he’s happy and sociable with loads of friends. He says he’s happy being only child (perhaps because his best friend has 4 sisters!).

Siblings are not necessarily close or similar….

Original poster
Flyhigher · 30/09/2023 09:49

@Beamur sorry. My menopause brain not working. I'm still confused. Might be me. Does she have half siblings, but she's your only child. And she lives with you. I guess she's in the house alone, but she has half sisters that she sees or messages. So then I would say that she does have siblings. She's not a full only child. Maybe I'm misunderstanding. If so. I apologise. She still lives alone in your house with no siblings. But she might be less lonely as she she does have half siblings. And sees them at times.

OP posts:
Fleabane · 30/09/2023 09:58

My only child is very grateful that he doesn't have to share with anyone. All the money, time and resources are focused on him.

Fleabane · 30/09/2023 09:59

And he's lovely - kind, funny, helpful and just an all round good kid.

I think it's the luck of the draw maybe?m

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