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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Only children

38 replies

Flyhigher · 29/09/2023 17:23

Are only child girls harder to parent? I really wish I'd had a second. I think it's easy for an only child to rule the roost and divide and rule. Less easy for two to dominate parents. What do people think?

OP posts:

randomusername2020 · 30/09/2023 10:05

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

arcadiamadia · 30/09/2023 10:12

On the older siblings / only child point. I think the definition of an only is that the child is the only child in the house from birth to 8. So pp does not have an only child if the older sibs were at home when her dc was at primary.

Beamur · 30/09/2023 10:13

You're right - she's not 'quite' an only.
They all share the same father but she is my only child. I also have stepchildren.
There are some similarities to her being an only as she's grown up without her siblings in the house since she was quite little (quite a big age gap) so she's never had to really share our time or resources. She doesn't remember them living at home.
They do have a nice relationship though and she is quite close to her sister. Which she wouldn't have as a true only.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 30/09/2023 10:21

My dd is an only child, she is 18. She couldn't have been an easier teen tbh - she is polite, considerate, respectful towards others. She doesn't "dominate" us in any way at all. I never planned to have an only, but I wouldn't have it any other way now.

I'm sorry that you're having difficulties with your dd, but it has nothing to do with her being an only child. My friend had similar issues with her eldest child despite having siblings. This is more to do with your individual dc's personality and/or your relationship with her than it is to do with her being an only child.

Some teens are just more challenging than others. You mention "divide and rule"...are you and your partner undermining each other here? Your dc can only stop you from working together as a team if you both allow her to do so.

Peepshowcreepshow · 30/09/2023 10:49

My 17yo only is currently going through a major fuckwit phase. I did not want more than one and I'm very glad I didn't. Whether she wants a sibling is irrelevant, I'm not going to procreate to keep her happy, when you only have one to please the majority of your life is geared towards their preferences. If she wants multiple children when she's older, she can please herself, but it is not my job to give her a sibling to keep her happy. I have one who has been a dick his entire life, so I certainly did not want to have more than one child and risk that happening. When DD leaves home I will be pleased because that's what should happen, I have spent the last few years developing my own social life so by the time she's off, my life will continue to he full and fun. Of course I'll miss her, even the fuckwittery, but I do not ever regret only having one, I've made many stupid choices over the years but that was definitely not one of them.v

Eddyraisins · 30/09/2023 15:09

Flyhigher · 30/09/2023 09:49

@Beamur sorry. My menopause brain not working. I'm still confused. Might be me. Does she have half siblings, but she's your only child. And she lives with you. I guess she's in the house alone, but she has half sisters that she sees or messages. So then I would say that she does have siblings. She's not a full only child. Maybe I'm misunderstanding. If so. I apologise. She still lives alone in your house with no siblings. But she might be less lonely as she she does have half siblings. And sees them at times.

This is like my dd. She is essentially an only child but her Dad ( my ex has 2 older kids)
Yes she has hald siblings but they are 8 years older ( now adults) and live 300 miles away. Dd lives with me and my partner as an only child. She is closer to local cousins than she is her elder sisters sees than about once a year if that.

Weefreetiffany · 30/09/2023 15:25

Poor kid! You have set up the environment and circumstances that you then vilify her in- that say to me that you are overly-controlling/critical with a victim complex. That is quite direct and probably sounds rude, but that’s usually the dynamic when parents say their “spoilt” kid(s) dominate them. Perhaps some therapy to work on your own boundaries and perceptions would help, rather than handwringing and saying if only I shoulda, woulda, coulda had anther kid to “fix” the behaviour of the one you did raise?

ActuallyYes · 30/09/2023 15:33

I think though, the closer your teen is to you, the harder the process is of breaking away from you in order to become an individual adult

That's true of children with siblings too.

My DD is an only and has been a breeze to parent all of her life.

She's 18 now and went off to uni a couple of weeks ago, confident and independent.

We miss her but are fine. We're a very close family and being 200 miles apart doesn't change that.

XelaM · 30/09/2023 19:54

Flyhigher · 29/09/2023 17:23

Nope. My daughter has turned into a super-teen and she has loads of friends - not lonely at all.

I have a brother but I wasn't keen on him when I was younger and we never ever socialised together.

Burntouted · 05/10/2023 02:08

All children are not the same. Gender has nothing to do with it.

It's based upon the individual.

Original poster

Flyhigher · 26/10/2023 16:14

@Weefreetiffany that's a bit harsh. Just read it now. I'm not perfect at all. But still think she's been mean. Her toxic friend and her friendship group of nice but last minute boys haven't helped. I'm just shocked how bad her school is. It's been taken over by a trust. And it's got better since Sept. But it's her year 11. So too late for her. I accept that I wanted very different things for her. Believe me I've lost all control. And it's hellish. I don't even get polite anymore. I am bullied at home.

Anyway. Just wanted to say. I'm not perfect.

OP posts:

Paddingtonthebear · 26/10/2023 16:25

We have an 11yr old girl who is our only child. She is fairly easy. She has no interest in having siblings and I have to say this is largely due to all the negative comments made by her friends with siblings! I have always explained to her that having siblings is amazing for some and less so for others as we all have different family experiences and there’s more than one happy family dynamic.

Weefreetiffany · 26/10/2023 17:32

@Flyhigher i do think you need to do the mental health work for your daughter and yourself. Your reply makes me think I had the correct assessment the first time.

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