Close to dropping out of college

[Bringbackthetoddlers]

DS17 has just started A levels and hates the college here goes to. He's been genuinely ill but skipped some lessons too, hates his timetable, and hasn't made any friends.

I don't really know why it's gone so badly, it's a good college. Tbh I think he surprised himself (and us if I'm honest) that he actually got the grades to go. We thought we'd be automatically into finding something else for him to do. He's fairly adament he doesn't want to continue but has no idea what he does want to do. But he's not helping himself by not turning up to lessons.

There's been lots of miscommunication, as well as some mishaps that haven't been his fault, but I'm so worried he's going to get kicked out, and then what happens? Trying to arrange a meeting for him with his tutor, but the communication has not been great on both sides! I just feel like I'm watching a car crash unfold. Gah, sorry. Just needed to moan I think, so I can get some sleep!

Furute?!
Future obvs.

DD dropped out of A levels - she was an A* students and A levels just weren’t for her.

She took a year out and found a job in a shop for 20 hours a week - saved some money brought a car and passed her driving test.

Reapplied to college and is now second year into a B-Tech and on track for university.

This isn’t a now or never situation - he can go back to eduction, you can do qualifications at any age.

Stop the pressure and let him decide his future. Stop forcing him to go in.

Ask him - do you want the day off today? And see what changes in him!

Rhere are other paths to take.

I hear you @Totaly.

Can I ask, did your dd choose to leave or was she asked to leave? Was she engaging or taking careers advice from them before leaving?

How did she fill her time before getting a job?

It's this bit I'm finding so difficult to navigate. We're stuck in limbo with him refusing to engage yet not being asked to leave yet either. It's driving me crazy. I don't know whether to step in and write to college to say he's not coming back or just to leave it to him/them.

We're also going to struggle without the child benefit so that's causing stress too 😩

My issue is that they are meant to be doing "something". When I discuss it with DS, he doesn't want to get a job and another course/college is not an option at this stage in the year. Luckily, our discussions are leading to him continuing to attend Sixth Form, he works while he is in there, but getting him in each morning is quite an effort.
Did your DD do anything for the "staying in education" part of the year or are you not in England?

To answer you questions she already had a Saturday job and extended her hours - he could look at Christmas jobs and go from there.

She wasn’t engaged and we had a meeting - when we left I told her she wasn’t going back - the relief for us both was massive.

She’s much better at the local college - was in 6th form - she mixes with lots of different age groups and the teacher talk to them like adults - there’s no uniform - no rules - etc can drive there and use the car park.

I would give him permission to quit because at the moment he’s just failing all day - failing when he’s there and failing when he’s not.

Start tomorrow with a job hunt!

good luck - there’s always next year.

Thanks @Totaly.

Having made my peace with a potential NEET on my hands, DS has surprised me today, when I offered to just write and say he's not going back, by saying don't do anything yet because he hasn't fully made up his mind!!

It's a rollercoaster alright

@LarkspurLane I too worry like crazy about not fulfilling the education or training part of the equation, but I've decided he's just got to work through this at his own pace. My pushing him is not having the desired results so it is what it is. Even the National Careers Service didn't paint too black a picture about that, saying to look at work and part-time courses if needs be. If he gets a job first and the reality hits him that he may be stuck on minimum wage for ever, and that motivates him to progress with part-time courses or reapplying for next year, maybe that's not such a bad outcome.

Is there any update on this, OP?
We are getting closer to dropping out of Sixth Form but no idea what he could do for the rest of the school year.
He wants to go to college next September, which on reflection would have been a better idea in the first place.

I've just seen this, hope something has resolved with your DS. Sounds similar to my DD's A-level experience, including the big gaps between lessons and just wondering the corridors and not knowing what to do. It really wasn't working for her and I didn't want it affecting her mental health anymore, she dropped out, it was during Covid, she worked for a bit in her café job that she already had, then everything closed down and nothing much happened but after a while of pleasurable nothing she got an apprenticeship and it sent her off on her career, and she's now doing a foundation two years at university and will be doing top up after that to get a full degree, so it worked out really well for her. I was happy for her to take the time out to find the right thing, I wasn't pushing her into making a decision straightaway. When kids come out of school to be homeschooled there's always advice to just leave them for a little bit to decompress so they're in a much better position to find their own way forward.

Ah thanks both. We're still hanging on in there with careers advice but it's very slow progress. He wants to take a year out, has improved his cv and made several job applications, but nothing yet. 40 or so people going for all the local jobs here, which is tough when you've nothing really on your cv. It's also high pressure because of course it's application time for next year and he's no closer to knowing what to apply for! He does want to study something, but I worry about him taking 2 years out at this stage as that'll feel a real gap with his peers when he goes back. He's being slightly, but not massively proactive about getting on with stuff though. So a bit further forward but not much! Were also stressing a bit about the loss of child benefit and tax credits but hopefully he'll get some work soon. How's your DS doing @LarkspurLane?

And @MurielThrockmorton thanks for your post - I'm glad it's worked out for your daughter. You're totally right about needing to decompress and reset. Just so frustrating about needing to make decisions about next year already.

I am hopeful that DS will go to college in September. He wants to do something more practical than A Levels, so he is looking at plumbing, electrical and stuff like that. This would have suited him better in the first place but he liked school up to GCSE so school seemed easier.
Now that he has semi checked out of school though, it's hard getting him to go in. I really don't want him to stop going in, he might feel differently in a few months so I want him to keep options open.
And I thought babies were hard work!

I know! I should be grateful he's not really been any bother up until last year of school! But I certainly didn't foresee this level of stress and going back full time myself. It's bonkers 😩

feeling your pain. My girl started A levels in september and she's not even 16 until next month. (private school - did gcses a year early) She's really struggling doing 3 science subjects and it's nothing I can help with. Constantly exhausted and timetable doesn't give any time to self study apart from when she's home and then she's flat out sleeping

How's everyone here doing?
DS (and I) have given up with school, although he is still dragging himself in most days. Now looking for a job to get him through to September when he will go to college.
It's quite a lonely situation to be in as all my friends' kids seem to be loving their A levels and thriving.

@LarkspurLane
Same situation here
I have been called into a meeting at DDs school tomorrow.
It won't be good news. She will be so upset but she is struggling with mental health quite severely so it may be a blessing in disguise for us.

I feel like a child being summoned to the principals office tomorrow

When I wrote to saying I was taking DD out of school in year 8 after going in repeatedly to try and sort out issues with no resolution @DarkChocHolic they were bending over backwards to try to keep her, offering part time hours and other things. It was way too late by then, but it was interesting how the power dynamics changed as soon as I took the initiative to say no more.

Been a while since I checked in - how's everyone doing? Parents and kids!! I just wanted to update that things have (finally) turned a corner. Ds has managed to get himself a part-time job and has applied for technical college for September. He still doesn't feel it's exactly what he wants to do, but he's certainly learnt that doing something is better than nothing! Support from careers service has been helpful, if a little long in the wait for it.

Although, that said, I am feeling much better since I learnt about the new lifelong learning policy - attached screenshot. So I'm not going to pressure him in any way, shape or form to take the place if he prefers working for a bit longer. I think it's policy rather than proposal (hope so) and as much as I'm loathed to support this government, they do at least seem to have this going in the right direction. Ds no longer feels like he's messed his whole life up by not getting on with A levels. Hope it brings some relief to others.

@Bringbackthetoddlers
Glad to read your positive update!
I hope things continue to look up for Ds and you.
I will look up on this LLE policy.
Thanks for sharing

Xx

Glad to read your update.

Wishing your son all the best for his future

Thanks both- good luck to everyone else navigating this too! Xx