DD 13 not eating

[Freezyfairy]

Hi
I don't know what to do she eat only fruits, jelly and lettuce with peppers in wrap, sometimes small portion of sushi. She started walking a lot. She lost lots of weight. Talks a lot about people being unattractive because they are fat. She refused CAHMS appointment. I really trying to do everything to suggest meals and other foods but she is refusing. What else I can do.

There is an Eating Disorders section in the Heath topic. Maybe repost there. I hope you’re able to get some help

Can I suggest looking at the BEAT site here. It has helpful information and there are people you can talk to.

She's eating fruits, jelly, lettuce, peppers in wraps, and sushi.

And she walks a lot.

What is the problem?

I really trying to do everything to suggest meals and other foods but she is refusing. What else I can do.

Ignore it and let her eat what she wants.

You making a fuss will make things worse. Her diet isn't a disaster at this point but it will be if you continue to focus on it.

Did you miss where the OP said she had lost lots of weight?
OP, how much weight has she lost? Is she underweight or looking too skinny? First stop should be GP for weight and health check, discuss her poor eating, and a referral to CAMHS eating disorders service if needed. They will be able to work with you as well as with her, so ignore it if she says she won't go to CAMHS. If it is an ED then it needs treatment, it could be dangerous. But see your GP first.

As a previous poster said- bring to GP for full check up. She is not in a place where she can make rational decisions by the sound of it amd that amount and type of food is not enough to sustain her. If she has developed an eating disorder she is mentally unwell amd if nothing is done will soon be very physically unwell. She needs to have her adults take control now in order for her to get help.

Yep, let's make a fuss about it and make it worse.

Children use food as a WEAPON and that is ALWAYS facilitated by mothers.

Mothers make a fuss about food and the child learns they can use that to manipulate.

The OP's child doesn't have a disastrous diet. She's not eating chicken nuggets every day, her diet is actually healthy FFS.

OMG she eats sushi so she needs to be detained in a lunatic asylum . . .

How many calories is she eating in your opinion? How far does she walk and how often. She could have a problem or she could be normal and it’s you with the problem - need more info before we can decide.

She's barely eating any carbs or fat. This isn't a healthy diet.

Children use food as a WEAPON She's not a toddler

and that is ALWAYS facilitated by mothers.
Not always.

Mothers make a fuss about food and the child learns they can use that to manipulate.
I'd agree with you if a young child was refusing to eat unless they were given chicken nuggets and chips and choc ices but this is different.

The OP's child doesn't have a disastrous diet. She's not eating chicken nuggets every day, her diet is actually healthy FFS.
It's NOT healthy, not enough calories or balance of food groups. She's losing weight. Barely eating and exercising are warning signs for eating disorders. Even if she doesn't have an earring disorder, where is the calcium & iron? Lots of vitamins sure but little else.

Maybe ask for a phone appointment with your GP to ask for their advice OP?

Had a similar issue with DD, although it was more about control than wanting to lose weight. However, what has helped is getting her a blood test which showed that she was low in certain vitamins and minerals and then using that to expand her diet to compensate. The doctor was really good about focusing on healthy eating, very calm and not making it a 'thing'. Because the discussion about food then was based on facts ie you need more iron it allowed her to feel she still had control.

She still has too restricted a diet for my liking, but she's eating and at this stage that's my priority. I'd caution that in my experience with ED's it is a marathon not a sprint, so better eating habits even if limited as a short-term win are fine. Then keep building on that.

What a worry, @Freezyfairy

Could you take her to the GP for a general health check?

I’d also stop making suggestions about food, or discussing it, these things are often about control, so it won’t work. Is there anything she’s worried about?

And what @whatt2do said 😊

i wouldn’t let her decline a mental health referral. Disordered eating in a 13yo isn’t just about the food.

it is the rare 13yo girl who should be losing any weight. They are still growing and developing. Weight should be increasing. 13 is also a critical time for eating disorders to develop.

Please ignore the posters who are saying what your dd is doing is healthy.

How about a healthy eating and fitness drive for the whole house. Maybe she’s right

Early intervention is so important, I was in this position and hoped I could cope with it myself and not make it a ‘thing.‘

DD is currently in her second ED unit and has had multiple paediatric admissions.

I would ask to be referred to the CAMHS ED team and ask them for advice.

DD1 starts this sort of thing at 13. It was all to do with peer pressure at school, where a group of her friends seemed to get into a cycle of competitive dieting/ not eating. I went to the GP- first by myself to explain the situation then with a rather reluctant DD.

Luckily the GP referred her to one of the practise nurses who took a special interest in EDs and DD had about 4 sessions with her.

Not sure what she said ( as the nurse was quite insistent that the discussions would be confidential unless something I really needed to know) but it really seemed to do the trick and she slowly started to eat a little more and put on some of the weight she had lost. She's now 27 and has a healthy relationship with food and is fit and healthy.

I agree with other posters who say early intervention is key. Your DDs diet seems quite restricted and lacks essential food groups which can't be good for a growing girl.

Good luck, I know from experience how stressful these situations can be.

FreezyFairy

You are right to be concerned as this is how many Eating Disorders start but caught early it can be turned around quickly. If you'd like some support from those with experience you will find it on this thread x

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/eating_disorders/4831502-support-thread-9-for-parents-of-young-people-with-an-eating-disorder?page=1

Would be good to know what you've done so far.

You can discuss your child with the GP without the child there I think, so maybe a chat alone would be a good start - on the health aspects of what they are eating.

Was the CAMHS appointment related to eating or general MH issues?

Have you investigated what they are discussing/reading online around this?

The child's eating is not healthy.

CAHMs was about eating as well. I will contact GP in secret as I don't have support from husband and she is reluctant. She lost 10 kg in a few months. The problem is I'm eating healthy and trying to suggest her to try my salads and healthy meals like ex. lentils and sweet potato curry but each time is no thanks. She has no balanced diet and in her age is not healthy. She needs some healthy fats and some carbs as well. She is concentrated on proteins as well but not from meat only high protein bars or yogurts etc. In my opinion she is eating around 500 kcl per day and walks a lot counting steps.

I think if only eating 500kcal, counting steps and lost 10kg I would ask for an urgent chat with the doctor.

Are school aware too?

Why is your DH not supportive? This is very strange.

Do people try to be contrary however they can?

She's eating very little protein, no carbs and no healthy fats. Very little nutrients bar the odd bit of sushi. She's losing weight, has upped her excercise and is refusing food.

She needs an urgent GP appointment as shes clearly in the early stages of an eating disorder. It's so obviously not healthy

To the posters suggesting this is fine, please think carefully before you post. She is 13, not a toddler and this sounds very much like an eating disorder.

Op, If she's eating 500 cals plus exercising she's at risk of becoming seriously unwell and it can happen very quickly.

Your dh is burying his head in the sand which is very common and often an Eating Disorder will divide parents and thrive on it.

Please get your dd seen ASAP. You will be taken seriously if you take her to A&E. It's a life threatening illness.