Why does my teenager hate me?

[Narwhalelife]

DD is very nearly 14 and honestly I think she hates me. Ok maybe not that deep but my mere existence is a huge pain in her ass. She is moody, rolls her eyes, does anything she can not to talk to me or DP, is rude, dismissive.

I am a mental health professional and she isn’t depressed or anything just miserable, unless she is out with friends or communicating with friends, I can hear her laughing her head off on group phone calls with her girlfriends etc

I take her out, run her about, have her friends here, let her stay at friends, give her money, pay for treats etc but it’s all really non plus.

I try really hard to give her time with me but she is completely uninterested. Managed to take her out for macdonalds yesterday and she barely spoke to me, took her to Alton Towers the other day same thing really.

she is my OC so I have no idea is this is normal teenager or something more?!

How long does this last and what can I do to ease the tension in the house?

bert3400
It is normal to reject your parents' opinions and values as a teen who is finding their way and breaking away. It is normal for there to be conflicts about independence. It isn't normal to be so nasty to the people you live with. Being a teenager doesn't mean that you have no idea if you are being rude or dismissive. It is a choice. I am not sure that just accepting being treated like shit is the answer.

@DivineLillith I hear you. As a separated parent with a psycho ex if I am firm, boundaried, and give consequences I'm "an unfit mother, mentally unstable" and before I know it he's reported me to social services and put in a court order.

If I am too nurturing, empathetic, gentle with consequences, I am "an unfit mother, mentally unstable" and same outcome.

Social service will also then do mad shit. My daughter used to vomit at bedtime at his house, and my ex grabbed her in a rage and bruised her, the school reported the bruising and before I knew it I was in a child in need meeting being told both parents are emotionally abusing the child and I have to go to therapy and do a parenting course and stop speaking badly of the father because they believed his every word. And I go along with it because if I protest I'm lying or being defensive. I've done three parenting courses and years of therapy, he didn't because he was a busy man....

That does undermine my confidence in strict rules and consequences to be honest because it makes you doubt yourself. And it means I know I will come out badly.

It's a minefield

P.s. I don't think I do speak badly of father in front of child cus that messes kids heads up. Just incase someone jumps in to beat me with a stick. And I'm not actually the unfit mother he says just a normal woman getting by as best I can.....

Well who hasn't flung a karaoke machine at someone and called them a midget cunt 😂😂😂

I remember being absolutely furious for at least 5 years as a teen.

Anything set me off. I would swear, shout, scream, be nasty to my poor old dad especially.

I felt extremely tired (would often sleep) until about 3pm and then would be wide awake until past midnight burning candles, burning incense, listening to loud music and writing self putting poetry about my pain! 😂

I remember one of my dad’s friends (lovely lady who had known me since I was a baby) coming up to my bedroom one day when she was visiting for a cuppa and telling me that my behaviour towards my dad was unacceptable and was cutting him up and I remember being jolted into remembering that he was a human with feelings and I felt guilt about it.

Even now in my 40s, I try really hard to give my parents as much time and love as I can to show how grateful I am that they continued to love me and be there for me after years of my selfish behaviour.

I’m dreading it with my own DD because she’s my only child and at times, I can already see how good she is at pushing my buttons and disregarding everything I do for her. Correcting me or being cynical when I’m being positive to burst my bubble.

I hope you find a way with it OP. It must feel like a loss.

Be thankfull she is your only, fueding teens who individually hate you for different reasons and hate each other, well that is brutal.

I completely get this @irrationalsense . It’s a horrible place to be when you’re in it. My X tried to discredit me on exactly that basis and it was hell at the time.

12 months on hows it going OP? I am just in the beginning of this and it stinks!

Hi, actually things are a lot better, but only in the last 2-3 months ish. Got worse, school was failing, very unimpressed with school, rules etc but she has turned a corner now and is nicer, more willing to engage with school, funnier and a lot more sensitive and kind in general. No idea what changed, but so grateful it did! Hang in there it is tough xx

Oh thats so good to hear things are on the up! Go you and go your teen! xx

I’m going through the absolute carbon copy of this. 13yo OC. Her dad and I are divorcing, although still living in the same house while he sorts his 💩 out. He can do no wrong and I can do no right. He’s a master manipulator but I know she has to see this for herself. It’s so hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other every day. All the nice times we have just get diminished by her behaviour afterwards. I live in hope this phase will soon pass. For now, I look forward to the times they’re both out the house so I can breathe.

@MorrisZapp I can relate to this post so much that i could have wrote it myself about my own ds who is also 12. How is your son now MorrisZapp 2 years on from this post?