Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU (Bedtime)

52 replies

ChocLover73 · 26/06/2023 18:55

DS 15 is complaining that we won't let him play with his friends on his computer after 8 on weeknights saying all his friends are etc. DD 13 needs her sleep and DS is up at 6 for a paper round. Should we be more lax? What are your opinons?

OP posts:

TrivialSoul · 26/06/2023 20:41

My 15yr old is frequently not home until after 9p.m due to his hobby and is still up with enough time to walk the dog before school. While I appreciate that different people need different amounts of sleep and trust etc, I would think that trialling moving his electronics to the bedroom and a later cutoff would go a long way to maintaining a good relationship with him in the long term. Give him a chance to show that he is trustworthy and if it doesn't work, the old rules come back.

Emptycrackedcup · 26/06/2023 20:41

That seems extremely eatly for 15

Original poster

ChocLover73 · 26/06/2023 20:42

@junebirthdaygirl DH, DD and DS all love him and it's only for a couple of days. Obviously in school holidays (not too far away now) he'll be allowed longer especially as he gets up an hour later for the paper round. Tbh it's his business to manage the paper round though, just want DD to not be disturbed by him tramping up the stairs

OP posts:

Anoushkaka · 26/06/2023 20:42

On school holidays my 15DD could be up watching TV or talking to her friends until 11 or 12pm. Once she isn't too loud I let her chose her own bed time.

Herbiebanannas · 26/06/2023 20:43

You need to give him a console in his room, and let him learn to play on it to his own schedule.

sorry, but he is 15. Your rules are insane and if you aren’t very careful when (if) he goes to inI and gets some freedom you will never see him again.

Original poster

ChocLover73 · 26/06/2023 20:45

@Herbiebanannas we've always had a family prohibition against tech in rooms and DS is totally for that. I leave him to manage his own affairs mostly as long as he doesn't disturb anyone else. I'll have a chat and see if we can come to a compromise- I'll let you know how it goes. 🤞

OP posts:

CuteSleepyDog · 26/06/2023 20:49

That’s very early for a 15 year old. I think 10 is more realistic.

hiredandsqueak · 26/06/2023 20:50

Mine sorted out their own bedtimes from soon after starting secondary tbh. They would game until eleven and still get up for paper rounds catching up on sleep at weekends. I can't imagine keeping such a tight rein on a fifteen year old tbh. Don't you worry that he will rebel and do something stupid or go stir crazy once he has a chance to exercise his own choices?

AP5Diva · 26/06/2023 20:51

we've always had a family prohibition against tech in rooms and DS is totally for that.

In less than 3yrs he will be in a Uni room WITH TECH. Now is the time to let him learn how to self-regulate and manage his responsibilities while having tech in his bedroom.

8pm is too early. At his age my DC were on Cinderella curfews- midnight.

cocksstrideintheevening · 26/06/2023 20:53

My 11 yo Dts are tonight at guides until 930, 945 by the time they're home. That's very early for 15.

HavingYouAround · 26/06/2023 20:56

That’s so early! He’s going to be left out with things with his friends as they chat so much when gaming and about it the next day. Let him game til 10pm ish on weekdays, later at weekends I’d say.

Silvergoldandglitter · 26/06/2023 20:56

Wow, you're treating him like a young child.

clary · 26/06/2023 21:01

wow bedroom at 9pm is very early for a 15yo. what is the reason? Will he not manage to get up for his paper round if he goes later?

For context, by that age (and before) mine were out at activities - Scouts (10.5 up) finished at 9.30 a 10 min walk away; DD was in a various theatre groups with 9.30/10pm finish for rehearsals from about 11yo/13yo; she was also in Guides till 9pm from 10yo. DS2's footy practice was 8-9pm when he was 14-15; he also did another sport till at least 8pm twice a week from about 12yo onwards. DS1 Explorers from 14yo finished at 9.30pm. You get the picture.

All of mine did a paper round tho not getting up at 6, more like 6.30.

I would definitely be looking to give him a later bedtime. Tbh by 15yo all of mine were self regulating, apart from me maybe suggesting bedtime if they were still up at 11pm on a school night.

Schum · 26/06/2023 21:11

I think that’s way too early. My 15yo can stay up as late as he likes on his computer in his bedroom. He generally puts himself to sleep about 10-10.30 as he knows he has to be up for school, I think it’s important to teach them self regulation at that age. Weekends he’ll be up much later but he’s pretty quiet and doesn’t wake us.

clary · 26/06/2023 21:16

My message wasn't very clear haha - I wasn't saying oh wow my DC did all this stuff - I just meant that these fairly standard activities for teens and pre-teens finished at 8-9-9.30 even, so lots of them would not get home till 9.30-10 on one-two-three nights per week. Even with just a quick wind down and snack they were rarely in their rooms before 10.30pm. It was fine. It was normal. I agree with those who say in three years' time he could be at uni with a laptop in his bedroom.

RuthW · 26/06/2023 21:24

That's very early for a 15 year old. Ten o'clock would be more appropriate

speluncean · 26/06/2023 21:50

Yeah that's awful early for a 15 year old

Whattheactualwhatnow · 26/06/2023 22:17

My parents were mega strict when I was growing up but even I was allowed screen time (telly back then haha) from 9-10 once I’d done all my homework etc

Somanycats · 26/06/2023 22:23

What is wrong with you?? Do actively want your boy to have no friends? Leave him the fuck alone. Stop inflicting your puppy woes on him and let him police his own bedtimes. You know... like a normal young person.

balzamico · 26/06/2023 22:39

It's 10.35pm. My 15 yr old ds is in the kitchen making his lunch for tomorrow, he got in from badminton at 8.30 and was in his room, I presume gaming, until just now. He'll leave his phone down here and won't game again, asleep by 11ish, gets up 7 latest.

8 or 8.30 is very early, we've not usually had dinner long before then, it does seem as if you're treating him as very much younger, I also can't imagine ds gaming in the family space.

Equalitea · 27/06/2023 00:06

Your poor son. He’s nearly 16, he will end up a laughing stock at school.
8pm is far too early. Either let him have it in his bedroom so you aren’t disturbed or put your son before your want of a dog routine and let him play downstairs.
10pm is more appropriate.

Floatydressbeachyhair · 27/06/2023 07:19

I make my 15yo switch his electronics off at 10.30pm on weeknights and he thinks I'm wayyyy to strict.

8pm does seem early and is peak having fun gaming with your mates time.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 27/06/2023 07:34

I didn't have a curfew at that age. However having young DC myself i definitely think that's too early. Lights off by 10.

Original poster

ChocLover73 · 27/06/2023 07:34

Thanks for the advice guys, will have a rethink

OP posts:

justanothermanicmonday1 · 27/06/2023 07:35

Somanycats · 26/06/2023 22:23

No need to be that aggressive 🤣

Flip

1 2 3