I’m struggling so much with my DD(14) over the past 2 months and her behaviour online. I apologise for this lengthy post but I’m just at a loss as to what I should do next.
To give some background, this is a girl who has always struggled to integrate with a friend group. She’s always been on the edge of groups and more often than not is left out. I think fear of rejection stops her from asking people if they want to meet up yet she then sees people living their best lives online and wonders why she isn’t involved.
In May I became worried about her reliance on her phone, secrecy and a change in attitude. It was getting worse so after another sleepless night I went with my gut and looked at her Snapchat. I know they all have loads of people on there that they’ve never met but hers was awash with guys names from all over the country - complete strangers.
When I delved deeper the interaction with some of these guys just shocked me - videos, voice messages, nudity and extremely explicit content (from both sides). This was going on in rooms all over the house.
Both her Dad and I raised it with her and she was mortified but admitted to liking adding strangers and loving the attention that they were giving her when she shared this content and did as they asked.
My heart was completely broken and we explained how wrong it was. We removed the phone for 3 weeks and it was torture. At the end of this we sat her down, told her that we were giving her back the phone but that she needed to create a new account and to not be dragged into this attention seeking behaviour again. She could only use the phone while in a room with one of us and while she was not happy with these conditions, she went with it.
All good for 2 weeks and then the Sunday before last i need to run to the supermarket and her Dad is out. She is at home for 40 minutes on her own. When I get back, her behaviour yet again arouses suspicion. She’s over the top nice, helpful, hugging me etc.
So that evening I check the phone again and she’s been in contact with one of the previous lads apologising for not being in touch but that she can’t share that content with him anymore. He has said that he doesn’t mind but continues to ask, overloading her with compliments etc. The second I leave the house she has gone upstairs, stripped off and videoed herself simulating sex with various items as requested.
I lost my head with her and begged her to stop, she admits that she knows that it’s wrong and won’t do it again. I’m now at the stage where she has to be with me constantly as I can’t trust her to be alone. It’s utterly exhausting - I can’t even go for a walk if her dad hasn’t come home from work because she just can’t be trusted.
The final straw was yesterday when yet again I could sense the attitude change again, I asked to look at her phone and she is chatting to a guy - fairly usual teen flirting - but it transpires that he’s a stranger again. I tell her that I’m taking her phone and she physically confronts me not allowing me to leave the house to collect her sister begging for her phone.
After being thumped, scraped and pushed I finally get out to my car with the phone in my hand. I’ve had time now to look at it and she’s set up additional snap accounts to communicate with previous guys who have all been the recipients of her previous explicit content. The devastating thing is that she’s telling them that she can’t share any more content but wants to be friends with them. I’m sure you can understand that this is only going to end up with her doing the same thing again.
Im utterly devastated and don’t know what to do next. She now has no contact again with any of her peers but I just can’t trust her with a phone. I bloody well despise Snapchat now !
I’ve thought about seeking therapy or counselling for her to work on her self-esteem and self worth but don’t know if I’m just grasping at straws and it will be a waste of time and money.
How in the name of god am I going to get her through this without losing all of our sanity.