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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Friend's teen finishing GCSEs — would this be weird?

56 replies

off · 10/06/2023 11:21

In my social circles when I was growing up, it was reasonably common for people who knew a teen well (family friends, uncles/aunties etc.) to slip them a few quid to say well done when they got their exam results.

I'm now living in a different part of the country and it's quite a few years later, and I don't know if that's normal any more — but also, I'd like to give my friend's kid £20 or so right after exams finish instead, to send the message that it's a "well done for trying your best and getting through them" rather than about what results he gets.

I'd check with my friend first too to make sure it's okay with her, obviously, but if this is something that people just don't do any more or never do before results, I don't want to make her uncomfortable by asking. Would you think it was weird if your friend gave your teen money to say well done for getting through GCSEs? Or should I wait for results? Or was this something particular to my area as a kid, and something people generally don't do at all?

OP posts:
dooneyousmugelf · 10/06/2023 16:16

I've never heard of this before. I'm not sure how I feel about it tbh- DC would be chuffed of course- but I'd feel a bit pressurised to return the favour, in a 'yet another thing everyone is doing and if you don't then you look like a miser' way. Everything is so expensive these days and it's become the norm to go much more overboard for celebrations in general thanks to social media. It's even become usual to spend on teachers, teaching assistants and head teachers at the end of school year and Christmas.
I can hardly afford to pay the bills. Now it's a 'thing' to slip some money to other people's kids for completing school exams? Which everyone does? Including my own children and most of my friends' and relatives' children? Great.

off · 10/06/2023 17:06

Thanks for that perspective doone — I certainly wouldn't want my friend to feel I was putting any kind of obligation on her, so I'll think carefully about that. TBH I can't think of any situation in which she'd feel she needed to "return the favour", or not to me, at least, but this is exactly the kind of thing I was concerned about — I want to give a bit of a boost to a young man I know and like, but not at the cost of making one of my closest friends feel bad.

The way adults would give kids/teens money when I was growing up, it always felt like something that wasn't really anything to do with your parents, but I acknowledge that within the different cultural context I now live in, it could be seen as somehow bringing the parent into some kind of web of expectation 😞

It's been really helpful and interesting to hear everyone's take on this. From what people are saying it seems like it's an impulse that, for me, is rooted in my specific cultural background and traditions, which is how I'd present it to my friend. She and I have conversations about things like that quite often — we grew up in different parts of the country at different times, and also have different ethnicities/family cultural backgrounds (though funnily enough, through different routes, we both share the tradition of kids calling their parents' friends auntie/uncle so-and-so Grin), so we're used to navigating cultural differences like this.

For example, I've been implicitly taught that a dinner guest should bring some kind of gift to indicate their appreciation, like a bottle of wine or something. She's apparently been implicitly taught a host should provide everything, and it isn't done for guests to bring gifts, I think because it implies that the guest feels they have to "pay" something in return, or that the host won't be providing enough. So we had fun chatting about that one when I was round hers for dinner Grin All good-natured, of course, and stemming from a curiosity about all the little ways these codes of behaviour and etiquette can vary depending on time, place and other factors.

OP posts:
Hannahsbananas · 11/06/2023 09:31

It's even become usual to spend on teachers, teaching assistants and head teachers at the end of school year and Christmas
Oh come on, that’s not a recent thing?! You don’t have to do it, but it’s perfectly normal and has been for a very long time now.

Hbh17 · 11/06/2023 09:35

I did this for my 2 closest friends' kids (4 in total) at GCSE and A level. Always sent them Xmas & birthday presents from birth, and saw them pretty regularly even tho we didn't live nearby. Still have good relationships with the kids now they wre grown up (ages between 21 and 32) - these connections are well worth cultivating.

BackAgainstWall · 12/06/2023 22:45

It’s a truly lovely gesture 😊💐
Absolutely no need to over-think it.

CherryYree · 12/06/2023 22:50

Lovely idea and not weird at all 😊

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