Friend's teen finishing GCSEs — would this be weird?

[off]

In my social circles when I was growing up, it was reasonably common for people who knew a teen well (family friends, uncles/aunties etc.) to slip them a few quid to say well done when they got their exam results.

I'm now living in a different part of the country and it's quite a few years later, and I don't know if that's normal any more — but also, I'd like to give my friend's kid £20 or so right after exams finish instead, to send the message that it's a "well done for trying your best and getting through them" rather than about what results he gets.

I'd check with my friend first too to make sure it's okay with her, obviously, but if this is something that people just don't do any more or never do before results, I don't want to make her uncomfortable by asking. Would you think it was weird if your friend gave your teen money to say well done for getting through GCSEs? Or should I wait for results? Or was this something particular to my area as a kid, and something people generally don't do at all?

I'd find it weird as neither I nor my kids got a penny, academic success is for them not monetary gain imho.

Really? Are they always this ungrateful for stuff?

My dd still remembers which "random friends" of me or her dad gave her gifts 15 years ago. The unexpected nature of those gifts made them stand out in her mind all the more.

I would be quite ashamed if she was that unappreciative of such a kind gesture from one of my friends.

I wonder if you're from a similar region/era to me, as I remember adults giving money to unrelated young people being quite usual

Grew up in the North West and it was perfectly normal thing to do then and now.

Do it, OP, it's a lovely gesture.

Haha 😂
As if they’re doing it for the odd tenner they might receive!
How joyless are you?

This isn't the point. No one does it for money round here. It's just a kind gesture.

Maybe when my son was born, he only decided to be born for the handsels he got from random wee old ladies in shops. The fly thing that he is!

I agree that academic success is its oway reward and I never gave my own dc money for grades etc as some parents do.

However, I would think a kind gesture from a friend to say well done on getting through them was a lovely thought.

redsky — I don't really mind whether he remembers who sent him money or why in two weeks, I'll be happy if it just gives him a bit of a boost that day. His family is from a very achievement and results focused cultural background, and he's been working very hard in some difficult circumstances, so I wanted to give some recognition that's unrelated to his actual performance, if that makes sense? He's a nice kid, and until the last year or so has spent many hours sitting patiently through me and my friend meeting up for coffee when she didn't have childcare, chatting politely with me, and just generally being a decent lad, so he's earned it whether he remembers that the money was from "Auntie off" or not

I'm sure he will appreciate it, OP. You sound very kind.

I'd find it a bit weird tbh. It just doesn't happen around here.

But even if it doesn't happen where you live, would you think "that's weird" or would you think "how kind"? Personally, I would think the latter!

They would of course be grateful and say thank you.

They are just not used to random people they don't know very well giving them money. I don't think that makes them bratty and ungrateful?
And don't actually think that most teens would think much beyond being happy to have the money.

There might be some people on this thread where sending money after GCSEs is normal, but it's not something I've experienced (or my DC have, or I imagine they would be questioning why their friends got loads of money and they didn't).

You can think something is both weird and kind at the same time.

You can certainly think it's unusual but kind.

Weird implies a negative judgement to me, and I wouldn't ever judge someone negatively for a kind gesture.

I think it's lovely. My DD would be surprised and pleased.

I think it is a lovely gesture, I am orignally from the North West and it was a common thing to do. My DD would be utterly delighted.

He's a nice kid, and until the last year or so has spent many hours sitting patiently through me and my friend meeting up for coffee when she didn't have childcare, chatting politely with me, and just generally being a decent lad, so he's earned it
Op clearly isn’t a random person he doesn’t know very well.
Honestly, your description of your children doesn’t do them any favours.

Not GCSE’s but I received some cash and presents for passing my 11 plus and that was very much appreciated.

I haven't experienced this before either, I would simply have a different reaction to you!

I obviously don't know if your children are bratty and ungrateful, but you certainly made them sound that way!

My grandma’s friend gave me a fiver when I got my O Levels back in 1985. I didn’t know this lady very well but still remember this and think fondly of her! Also grew up in north west if that makes any difference.

OK, so I've clearly stumbled across paragon teens club today.

I conjecture that the response of 99% of teens on being given money from a person that is basically a friend of their parent and not someone they really themselves have a relationship with, would be to say "thank you very much" and move on with their lives without thinking too deeply about it.

However, if that makes them bratty and ungrateful, I'll take it.

My DC's are actually past the GCSE stage. They've never been given money or any other type of present from a family friend. So that would be "weird" (using the definition of "unusual" and not used in any pejorative sense) for us. That's doesn't mean they wouldn't be equally pleased or grateful.

Actually I have now recalled that DD does remember a friend of MIL's that used to send her a birthday card every year. But mostly she remembers because the friend sent the card in January, and DD's birthday is in March. So I guess from that perspective, maybe she would remember a post GCSE gift as it was out of the ordinary.

I'm working class and live in the n.e, I was always getting money shoved in my hand for one thing or another when I was a kid - right up to GCSEs. My gran's sister, gran's neighbour, my Nana's neighbour, my neighbour (but, she was a drunk and as broke as a fart so I'd quietly give that money back to her kid). Whenever my uncle's came to visit they'd give us a fiver just to say hello. Although I suspect this might have just been to annoy my mother when we returned in a sugar haze fuelled by 10p mix-ups.

It's not really a thing I've noticed for years now.

redsky, I really appreciated you giving your perspective here, as I wanted to know how people would feel about it, and hearing different opinions is useful. My main concern isn't whether the teen will be grateful enough, but whether asking my friend if it's okay might make her uncomfortable, so hearing about whether people find this culturally "weird" is useful.

I would, maybe in a nice congratulations card as we are used to receiving money in cards!

I have a twenty going through GCSEs and I'd be thoroughly ashamed and make her return any money given if she behaved as certain pp said the majority of teens behave.

OP my DD would be delighted mainly because it's not about the result but about getting through them, they've had a rough few years.

I've planned dinner on the last exam as a family and looking at joint family get together with us and her boyfriends family. Since reading pp saying about using tesco vouchers, I'm also thinking I may swap some for dd and her bf to celebrate or even her and her friend.

Future planning... pandora have a sale with a congratulations charm in it at the moment so her exam result present is now bought - added for anyone else of they are looking.

A message on a card to say 'good luck for your exam results and here's something to help you enjoy the summer'