My son is almost 18 and I’m struggling with him. I suspect he has some sort of ASD but has always refused to attend any appointments or interventions.
When he was early teens he was horrendous to live with and regularly trashed his room if he couldn’t get his own way, was aggressive and violent and refused to attend school. Thankfully that’s in the past and we don’t see any of these behaviours anymore.
Here are the issues
He can’t organise himself at all. He can’t ever find anything and leaves everything to the last minute. This generally results in a huge tantrum and door slamming. I have helped him organise his bedroom and remind him where his work uniform is kept, shoes etc. He forgets to put things back and therefore can never find anything.
He happily agrees to help with chores such as emptying the dishwasher, put laundry away or take the dogs out, but rarely actually does these things as it’s always ‘I’ll do it later’ he doesn’t seem to have any sense of time or time management.
He has absolutely no sense with money despite us encouraging him to save his money. He spends his wages as soon as he gets paid then borrows money until he’s paid next, but he can’t possibly pay back what he’s borrowed because he doesn’t earn much. We have stopped lending him money but he just borrow off others - mainly his Gf.
He struggles with food preparation so I’ve helped him and encouraged him to make simple things like pasta or beans on toast. He just gets all stressed saying he can’t work out timings and therefore can’t do it.
He currently works part time at a fast food restaurant. He leaves it until 10 minutes before his shift to start looking for his work clothes despite me constantly prompting him to get ready. He’s always late despite me driving him to work, I’m surprised he still actually has a job.
He’s failed his theory test 3 times as he’s refused to study for it. I’ve told him I’m not paying for anymore until he can revise properly. He already has a car which we bought from his trust fund, he’s reasonably good at driving but can’t be bothered to take his test. I just don’t understand it as he would have so many opportunities (job wise) if he can drive. We have paid for loads of lessons but stopped a few months.
We’ve talked about his future and I suggested maybe he looks into a vocational college course. He expressed an interest. I’ve had to complete the registration form and book a slot for the open day. He said he couldn’t do that himself.
Despite my efforts and support, he doesn’t seem to be able to demonstrate any kind of responsibility or maturity.
I said you’re almost an adult you need to be able to have life skills, what will you be like when you have your own place? He looked crestfallen and said can’t I just stay here?
I’m torn between trying to support him and encourage independence and just thinking maybe he’s a bit lazy?
His dad and I are both hard workers and far from lazy so it’s not a learned behaviour.
Can anyone advise who has similar circumstances?