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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenager wants to go illegal camping with friends

48 replies

OldLadyWales · 24/05/2023 20:25

I’m at a quandary.
Background: my 15.5 yr old son hangs around with some scummy people. He is a good-ish boy on the whole, suddenly needs to come home if trouble is brewing etc… He’s tried vaping but openly told us that it ‘wasn’t for him’ and we’ve gradually let him drink over the past 1.5 yrs as there is a massive under age drinking culture where we’re from. His grades in school went down when he started hanging around with these boys and he seems to be very easily influenced by their ideas and values.
They started going camping in the local woods last year and me and OH flat out refused him going last year. They are going next week and OH wants to let him go, but I definitely don’t want him to go. Recently they’ve smoked weed which I know he’ll prob try when he’s older/in uni but I think it’s just too much too young. It’s illegal camping in a woods not far from a housing estate where they have a fire and bring speakers etc… which brings up all sorts of red flags for me.
Am I being too strict or letting my hatred of his scummy friends cloud my judgement? I know the nice boys he used to be friends with wouldn’t be allowed to go. Why should I let him run wild just because his scummy friends parents don’t know where their kids are or what they’re doing?!
All answers would be greatly appreciated to help prevent WW3!!🖤

OP posts:
titchy · 24/05/2023 20:43

You really have to ask and you've been buying him alcohol since 14. ShockFuck me id have upped sticks to get him away from that given he's easily led.

Give it a couple of years at least one or two of them will be in a young offenders institution. I hope it's not your kid. Sad

lljkk · 24/05/2023 20:44

I have a 15yo DS.
Why did he stop being friends with the nice lads?
Does he self-esteem issues, why is he connecting most with the rough boys?
What are his hopes & plans for the future?

He wouldn't hang with them if he had something funner to do...

Quveas · 24/05/2023 20:47

I'm sorry, but wtf? If these friends are "scummy" and he's hanging out with them then he's the same mould. He's not "nice-ish" since he's one of them. You are in denial.

Willmafrockfit · 24/05/2023 20:49

how do you know the friends are scummy?
bit torn here as my ds did this, only i wasnt really aware,
it was a bit of excitement for teens

FurAndFeathers · 24/05/2023 20:50

Quveas · 24/05/2023 20:47

I'm sorry, but wtf? If these friends are "scummy" and he's hanging out with them then he's the same mould. He's not "nice-ish" since he's one of them. You are in denial.

OP doesn’t mean scummy and nice-ish, she means working class and middle class or similar

ditalini · 24/05/2023 20:50

Nope. I'm a pretty permissive parent, but potentially drunk, stoned teens with a fire in the woods unsupervised could be serious disfigurement due to aerosols chucked on the campfire, tripping face first into the fire, choking on own vomit and never waking up - so many potential life changing consequences for... what?

I'd just assume that the parents of any kids involved didn't give a fuck about them.

ScrollingLeaves · 24/05/2023 20:51

Am I being too strict or letting my hatred of his scummy friends cloud my judgement?

No, you aren’t. Get your DH behind you on this. Your DS needs you to protect him from this.

It is illegal anyway.

If there were any way you could move away, I’d do it.

wildfirewonder · 24/05/2023 20:52

I'm confused that you call them 'scummy' but you've been buying him booze since he was just 14 Confused
I wouldn't let my child camp unsupervised at that age with a group of people I thought would be doing things I disagreed with.

PurpleChrayne · 24/05/2023 20:52

I'm sorry but this sounds like shit parenting.

Willmafrockfit · 24/05/2023 20:52

i would have a curfew though,
not an all nighter

YouJustDoYou · 24/05/2023 20:53

You've permitted him to become part of the underage drinking culture. He is now one of the "scummy" kids. You've not stopped it.

Willmafrockfit · 24/05/2023 20:54

i think most 15 year old boys drink alcohol.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 24/05/2023 20:54

You've been letting your son get pissed since age 14 because he hangs around with 'scummy people' and apparently it's normal where you live?

I wouldn't like the whole camping in the woods at 15 if you think it would be dangerous but I don't think it's just the friends that are the problem.

ourflagmeansdeath · 24/05/2023 20:56

No obviously don't let him go and maybe think about trying to change his choice of company because knowing that they do weed and you have actually allowed him to drink alcohol from the age of 14 is not okay. And calling his friends "scummy" is a bit silly because I'm sorry but your son is doing the exact same things as them because you are ALLOWING him to do so. He is one of them at this point especially as you're considering allowing him to do something illegal and then disapproving of other people's parenting. It's yours you should be focusing on tbh

Shadowworry · 24/05/2023 20:58

titchy · 24/05/2023 20:43

You really have to ask and you've been buying him alcohol since 14. ShockFuck me id have upped sticks to get him away from that given he's easily led.

Give it a couple of years at least one or two of them will be in a young offenders institution. I hope it's not your kid. Sad

This

wtaf

wildfirewonder · 24/05/2023 21:02

Willmafrockfit · 24/05/2023 20:54

i think most 15 year old boys drink alcohol.

https://digital.nhs.uk/data-and-information/publications/statistical/smoking-drinking-and-drug-use-among-young-people-in-england/2021

6% of all pupils said they usually drank alcohol at least once per week, the same as in 2018
The proportion increases with age, from 1% of 11 year olds to 14% of 15 year olds

Many people have tried it, of course, but only a small percentage of 15yos drink regularly.

Drinking is unhealthy for developing brains.

GuitarsUnderTheStars · 24/05/2023 21:02

I’m fairly easy going and reasonable as a parent. We allowed a bit of alcohol, with us, from 15. They didn’t drink with friends til 16, after GCSEs. Not ideal, but that’s what kids do and ours have always acted responsibly.

But, alcohol from just turning 14, knowingly allowing him to hang out with troublesome kids, his grades are down and then thinking of allowing him to go off and camp in the woods with these idiots? That’s just stupid, tell your son and partner no. He’s heading down a path that if he continues to be allowed on, you’re not going to be able to pull him back from. Your partner sounds neglectful to want to allow this.

onecarrot · 24/05/2023 21:04

Well I don't know about anyone else but I went camping in the woods, drank when I shouldn't have drank, threw aerosols into fires like idiots, rode motor bikes went night fishing and a lot of other shit in my younger years. Some of the best memories are those ones had a great group of friends weren't arseholes to anyone. I guess you could call us scummy but we were just kids and I treasure those funny stories now.

ReddishBrown · 24/05/2023 21:07

onecarrot · 24/05/2023 21:04

Well I don't know about anyone else but I went camping in the woods, drank when I shouldn't have drank, threw aerosols into fires like idiots, rode motor bikes went night fishing and a lot of other shit in my younger years. Some of the best memories are those ones had a great group of friends weren't arseholes to anyone. I guess you could call us scummy but we were just kids and I treasure those funny stories now.

Was just gonna say the same! Did loads of shit like that at that age. Bur we always picked up litter, kept away from houses, polite of adults walked past etc.

Willmafrockfit · 24/05/2023 21:09

It's your choice, your ds

wildfirewonder · 24/05/2023 21:10

onecarrot · 24/05/2023 21:04

Well I don't know about anyone else but I went camping in the woods, drank when I shouldn't have drank, threw aerosols into fires like idiots, rode motor bikes went night fishing and a lot of other shit in my younger years. Some of the best memories are those ones had a great group of friends weren't arseholes to anyone. I guess you could call us scummy but we were just kids and I treasure those funny stories now.

I also had similar experiences but I hope for better for my kids, what was going on in those scenarios doesn't sound that great really. I know some of the experiences I had it was lucky no one was badly hurt.

lljkk · 24/05/2023 21:10

come back OP, persuade us we aren't 🐐 🐐 🐐 & you aren't a 🧌

Purplefoalfoot · 24/05/2023 21:10

hell would freeze over before I let my child do this

i would seriously consider moving away

Oblomov23 · 24/05/2023 21:12

Can't believe you'd allow this. I wouldn't have done for 19 year old or 14 year old.

Hoolihan · 24/05/2023 21:12

No I wouldn't be happy with this and I very much doubt that they'll just be smoking weed!