Teenager wants to go illegal camping with friends

[OldLadyWales]

I’m at a quandary.
Background: my 15.5 yr old son hangs around with some scummy people. He is a good-ish boy on the whole, suddenly needs to come home if trouble is brewing etc… He’s tried vaping but openly told us that it ‘wasn’t for him’ and we’ve gradually let him drink over the past 1.5 yrs as there is a massive under age drinking culture where we’re from. His grades in school went down when he started hanging around with these boys and he seems to be very easily influenced by their ideas and values.
They started going camping in the local woods last year and me and OH flat out refused him going last year. They are going next week and OH wants to let him go, but I definitely don’t want him to go. Recently they’ve smoked weed which I know he’ll prob try when he’s older/in uni but I think it’s just too much too young. It’s illegal camping in a woods not far from a housing estate where they have a fire and bring speakers etc… which brings up all sorts of red flags for me.
Am I being too strict or letting my hatred of his scummy friends cloud my judgement? I know the nice boys he used to be friends with wouldn’t be allowed to go. Why should I let him run wild just because his scummy friends parents don’t know where their kids are or what they’re doing?!
All answers would be greatly appreciated to help prevent WW3!!🖤

Probably unpopular opinion, but we used to do this all the time as kids. Told mum we were "going to a sleepover". I think you're blessed that you actually have half a clue what's going on OP. I think it's a green flag that he's told you the truth about the camping and you sound like a good parent, although I imagine you'll get some very harsh replies on here x

This.

Also this. It sounds like very normal teenage behaviour to me. And it's good he's talking to you about it and not sneaking off and doing it behind your back.

No, but then I wouldn't be allowing underage drinking either 🤷‍♀️

This is normal for that age group where I live (rural). All kids do it (not just the ‘scummy’ ones, the posh ones, too). I didn’t like it. ExH was pretty relaxed about it (loves an adventure and trusted ds). We said no on plenty of occasions but still ds did have a few of these all night camping excursions (by a lake once which terrified me). Ds has always been very good at keeping in touch.

They grow out of it. Talk to him about alcohol and drugs. Make sure he has phone and a portable charger if/when you do allow him to go. Tell him to look after his friends and that there’s safety in numbers. My ds and his friends (male and female) got up to a lot that terrified me but they’ve all come out of it as very sensible and lovely 18 year olds. A few long walks through woods in the rain with a hangover have a way of getting this particular adventure out of the system…

We are farmers whose woods are sometimes illegally camped in. We’ve lost livestock, suffered fires, an indescribable of rubbish, human shit, smashed bottles and just genuinely horrible stuff. Be a decent parent and teach your children not to treat other peoples property with such blatant disrespect.

As an aside, we always call the police and “children” have asbos for this - it’s unacceptable.

I should have clarified, we let him have one or two cans at home with family on a special occasion like birthday parties or Christmas to try to take the initial excitement out of drinking. We do not buy alcohol for him to go out getting steaming with his mates.

He’s in sports 5 times a week and I think he switched friend groups as he went to a very small village junior school and then went to a massive comprehensive school so suddenly got to mix with all sorts.

No he’s too young.

How can you encourage him to have some interests that start to move him away from these kids?

Why are his friends scummy, what do they do with their time other than illegal camping?

Why are his friends scummy, what do they do with their time other than illegal camping?

Drinking, vaping, smoking weed, being troublesome enough that OPs son suddenly comes home when it’s too much. Their parents don’t know where they are and what they’re up to. They don’t sound like anyone I’d want my kids to be hanging around with and definitely meet the definition of scummy imo.

Absolutely nail on the head @GuitarsUnderTheStars Im dead proud that he escapes when trouble is brewing like egging peoples houses etc… But my main concern is what if trouble starts in the middle of the night? I don’t want him wandering around on his own in the early am. And because they don’t seem to be the brightest sparks (my son also has no common sense, very intelligent but ZERO common sense lol) I’m worried about safety.

His friendship group might see it as 'fun' but burning things in a woodland is vandalism and egging people's houses is also harassment and bullying, who knows what vulnerable children & adults they are targeting when they do this.

Our lovely village is plagued by a mob of teenage boys just like this, they're allowed to run feral, they're verbally aggressive to adults, have made disgusting remarks to women, egg the house of an old lady in a wheelchair... Please don't let your kid get involved with a crowd like that, they make other people's lives a misery! By doing nothing your are showing him that this behaviour is something that can be ignored.

I would imagine the police will be called!

Same. Some of the people I used to be friends with are now criminals or addicts. I don’t want my kids going down that road and risk ruining their life. I’ve drilled it into my son to stay away from those kids. I consider myself lucky to have done ok in life. I don’t consider them my best memories either, the ones I’m making now are and I wouldn’t go back to my teen years for any amount of money.

Let me get this straight.

Dear MN should I let my alcohol drinking teen whose grades have gone through the floor go camping unsupervised with a bunch of other kids I don't trust and think are a bad influence in a situation where I know it's straight up illegal?

The fact you even have to ask the question says a lot.

Do you wish to have the police knocking at your door at 3am because they've been arrested or there is another problem?

I would try this novel concept called 'parenting' instead.

I hope the answer was no, the time has passed as 'next week' is this week now.

I don’t actually think that most 15 year olds go out drinking nowadays! I did, and we also smoked and tried to get into pubs (sometimes successful, sometimes not!) but it was a different time back then and we were still doing well at school etc.

I have a 16 year old, nearly 15 year old and a 12 year old. Covid (combined with the fact you have to show ID if under 25) created a cohort of kids who hardly go out! My 2 older ones have spent half term revising for GCSEs, part time job or going out and about with me. DD (14) did hang out with friends as a local small music festival but she cam home with me and deffo hadn’t been drinking or smoking.

Serious risk of being exploited with county lines. You have to stop this now

Boggled that you really thought you might be being too strict 🙄
Allowing him to drink alcohol at 14, hang around with “scummy” friends, (and thinking it’s all fine because he scarpers when they cause trouble ) and now actually considering letting him stay out all night with these kids.
I think you’re deluded, and your son is actually no different from these friends.
Step up and parent him properly.

It's not the camping that's the issue here, it's the underage drinking and drugs. Which you seem to think are ok?

I hadn't even read about the egging of houses, wtf? Is this even real?

You're doing your 'parenting' thing far too late. Your permissive approach has led to your 15 year old son being one of those 'scummy' teenagers. Instead of allowing underage drinking and blaming others for his actions (he can say no!), parent him and get him back on track. Surely, his upcoming mock GCSEs are more important than boozing, vaping, and being a public nuisance - I mean camping.