Cocaine??

[Cauliflowercheeses]

First time poster, please be kind.

Nearly eighteen year old ds. In middle of exams, planning on going to uni.

I have been told he’s taking cocaine with mates on nights out. He does tell me lots of his mates do it but he denies it.

He’s been moody, dismissive, rude, distant. I now see why.

gutted.

Is this just a phase? Otherwise he’s a sporty, clever boy with lots of friends.

He does have an underlying health condition and this is what scares me. I can’t let on I know without causing upset with his friends and this close to his exams. Do I just hope it goes away?

Advice please xxx

I did it when I was 18, just for fun here and there. It was the friends I was hanging around with and the types of parties I went to. My parents couldn't have stopped that. But I knew it was stupid and that I wouldn't carry on doing it for long as it wasn't going to set me up for a great future. That was down to my parents being really upfront and talking to me about drugs etc as I grew up. I didn't want to that life for myself but only I could decide that.

I don't know what to say other than it kind of depends on personality type. Does he have an addictive personality? Or will he soon realise its not going to get him anywhere and it's just a bit of fun? Is there something else that can take him away from this crowd? Travelling, new job, uni? For me it was a new boyfriend and spending all my time with him. I'd imagine sports and this don't go hand in hand either so he'll have to choose sooner or later.

If you have a close relationship then talk to him about it but in a non judgemental way. "I've heard you're doing this, I can't stop you, but you know it's just going to drain your money and your brain cells yeah?" That kind of thing.

Hope that kind of helps! X

Just seen he's going to uni. That should help stop it. Students don't tend to be able to fund that habit and hopefully a new crowd will help him see sense.

How is he paying for it? You know it's bloody expensive right!?

Cocaine really isn’t that expensive anymore less than £40 a bag on average and most young people would share a bag so cheaper than drinking these days

Thank you, I’m thinking it’s just a phase. I did similar when I was that age and grew out of it add it gets exhausting and expensive. So I really can’t say much.

I’m just surprised it’s cocaine (never had access to that as a teenager!) and seems to be really common nowadays. To then it send to be just like drinking.

I’m in a bit of shock tonight. Not that I expected him to tell me but he’s always telling me others do it and what idiots they are 😞

i am, however, going to ring his consultant tomorrow and just let him know as it may well clash with medications and health issues. And trust me, if it does then I’m coming down hard and there’s going to be no breathing about the bush with this. I think maybe that’s another reason he’s doing it, he spends a lot of time being ‘sick’ that I think he just wants to be a normal teenager.

i don’t mind normal teenage dickery but if this is going to affect his health then he’s in for a world of pain.

thank you x

It's a huge problem at universities. It's not expensive anymore and it's very common now

My brother started taking cocaine in his first year of Uni. My parents found out when he started suffering severe nose bleeds. He completely changed. He was so awful to my mum, my parents ended up asking him to move out as things got so bad. He messed up his first year of Uni and they threatened to throw him out. My parents were beside themselves with worry but something clicked with him and he knuckled down at Uni and even went on to do a Masters.

Even without it interfering with his medications or his condition, cocaine is a dangerous drug which can cause heart attacks and other cardiac events. If he’s fed up being seen as a patient, I’d perhaps stress that a cocaine habit will likely mean him requiring medical input somewhere along the line.
it’s a class A drug for a reason…

Most people I know use cocaine on nights out. One is an addict so keep some perspective

If his underlying health issue has anything to do with a heart Condition that is concerning
However realistically they will be having a bag to share which isn't actually a huge amount so I wouldn't be terribly concerned

I've just this week lost my partner to a coke addiction which he's had his whole life since he was a teen. He was 35 and absolutely destroyed by the drug.
Please get him some support . Drug users will deny it to everyone Inc themselves. My partner was having fits very regularly and some nights upto 30 a night into one out and into another. His mental health was destroyed by it.

Don't ignore this hoping he will stop, he won't!!! It is highly addictive and very quickly.

I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you to have witnessed and not been able to stop him 😢 I really appreciate in this dark time that you took the time to reach out to me.

I am totally at a loss. Hearing things like this scare the life out of me. I don’t know how I can help him though when he won’t admit to it and doesn’t see it as a problem that needs help.

at the point he needs help it might be too late.

thank you all for the responses. I am still reeling. I’m pretty sure this is what he’s doing and behaviour has escalated in the weeks since finishing his exams. He’s out all the time, not eating, going through bottles of vodka, clubbing, away with mates and what could be seen as having a great summer after finishing exams and before the stress of uni. But what I can see is a medically compromised little boy getting skinnier, more tired and so rude and obnoxious I have toyed with the idea of asking him to live full time with his dad. I cannot cope with the atmosphere and the worry. He’s an adult and I cannot control him and he cannot see what he is doing.

being a parent gets harder 😭😭

Yep very good point but don’t forget, teenagers are invincible. People younger than him die of his existing condition and even that doesn’t scare him enough to take his medication to control it…yet he can shove Coke up his nose 🤷🏼‍♀️

He's almost on self destruction mode. Is there anyone close to him you could reach out too ? Ask them if they would mind speaking to him , giving him support. Sadly I found out that sometimes you can be TOO close to someone to help them and this will destroy you too.

Coke addicts are selfish , and as their self esteem gets a battering, they take more and the cycle continues.

People say it isn't expensive however that depends on the level he's taking...
My partner had £200k compensation and spent it in 7 months ... we have since found out the extent to how drug dealers took advantage of him and the whole mess he was involved in ...

Cocaine destroyed his life and mine too, its a awful drug and I don't envy you on this journey . Good luck :)
Just like with any addictions please look after your own mental health.

As someone who more than dabbled in my time, with a lot of things.. you can't stop him. What you can do is buy him drug testing kits. If he's going to do it, he's going to do it. But these days it is just not safe, or even less safe. Things are being cut with fentanyl more and more and you just don't know what you are taking anymore. I feel like a hypocrite as I did a lot of coke, mdma, unknown pills when I was in college without much concern at all but if my sons (thankfully only 4 and 6 months old!) ever were I'd absolutely panic. So many people are just dropping dead from coke being cut with fentanyl. It's even killing the rich and famous who you can assume are buying better 'quality' product. So god knows what's on the streets

I did t even know that was a thing? Testing kits from Amazon? What are they called? I also took a fair few pills and powders as a teenager so they can’t say much. But on the other side of the fence it’s horrible to watch him giving so little regard to his health that I have spent years keeping him out of hospital and many many anxious illnesses and now he’s definitely on self distruct 😞

Ask him if he’s ok with young innocent kids getting shot dead, others getting stabbed to death and many, many more getting caught up in County Lines because of his habit?

He's a teenager.... You really think that's going to stop him?

He’a nearly 18. Making excuses just enables his behaviour, he’s on a bad path and the OP needs to make him frankly aware of that fast.

Recommend the Daniel Spargo-Mabbs Foundation for really sensible and realistic advice for parents and young people.

Probably just a phase. Coke is everywhere these days. Lets you drink more booze and the resulting hangover can be dreadful. That’s what made me stop. Plus it makes everyone quite boring.

Coke n booze is a dangerous combo as the booze changes the chem make up of the coke. Obviously if his medical issues are heart related he's playing a dangerous game.

We as a family facing exactly the same thing and I am terrified. Our daughter is bright, kind and was brought up with open conversations on drugs but has a cocaine habit that is ruining her life. She completely denies it - she is skinny, constant nose drip , violent when challenged and very manipulative Unrecognisable from the child a few years ago. Has convinced herself she just does it occasionally but from the things I find around her room or on her she is in utter denial.
I think mental health problems took her to self medicate with drugs and now she is addicted.
I read obsessively anything to do with helping children with drug habits but the cold hard truth is until they see their life deteriorate and want to change there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop them. I have now got a social worker engaged but even she says unless she admits to a problem they are limited

I feel for you Op it is a devastating thing to happen to your child

Rehab followed by NA can help.

@wishmyhousetidy horrible isn’t it?😭 he’s going to uni in September and I’ll have no idea what’s going on. His underlying condition is treated with medication and he’s already skipping it with me reminding/making him. When he’s away I know he won’t take it and will get poorly. That coupled with taking illegal drugs, drinking and not eating properly…I’m so scared. On the other hand I’ll be glad to have him out of the house as the atmosphere is toxic. Agree with what you said though, I can’t change him, he has to see repercussions and want to stop this. I just have to get through the next three months and hope he gets bored of it/grow up.

thanks you for your message and good luck to you too 🤗

OP
Don’t be scared to face this head on.
This could kill him because if his heart condition.
This could kill him because of the growing incidence of coke being cut with fentanyl ( this happened in my family- he was dead within seconds).
He’s contributing to an industry responsible for the destruction of lives and every level.

I think people need to wise up on here about how ‘great’ cocaine makes a night out and how much students will prioritise it. Anyone thinking Uni will stop it is deluded, unfortunately. Unfortunately, once’s it’s become the social norm, that’s pretty much it until they grow up. Obviously this isn’t true of everyone, but it is certainly extremely rife.

I work with a lot of men who have never grown out of it, they just do it on ‘lads’ and nights out with clients, well into their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond.