Wish I'd never had children

[MaybeWednesday]

Just so so sad.

I have 2 teenagers and an older kid (32). 2 different dads.

Middle kid (19) home from uni for a week. Not seem them since I picked them up. 8 hours round trip drive for me.

Youngest (17) utterly fucking vile.

Eldest living their best life, no kids. Second home in the sun. Couple of houses. Doing amazing. Financially secure. Left uni no debt as I paid for it.

I'm a single mother and have done without so they have a good life, own cars, holidays etc.

Struggle every day for money.

I'm no walkover, they've been expected to help around the house since they were little. Taking it in turns to cook dinner etc.

What have I got to show for it? 3 kids I'm incredibly proud of.

But that's it. When youngest leaves, I'm selling up and going to live my best life. I'll be early 60's and feel I've just been a slave to a bunch of ungrateful brats for over 30 years.

What was the point of it all?

I have a lovely relationship with my eldest now she is mid twenties.

Cannot wait for the 21 year old and her partner to move out in a few months but then another one and their partner is moving back in 🙄

The youngest is very volatile still and went to bell and back with school then college refusal.

I am so thankful for my eldest, gives me hope that I will have a warm relationship with them all in 10 years time!!!

It's lovely when they apologise but it would be nicer to have not had to endure the vile behaviour they apologise for.

Omg I think I I love you!

Exactly this!

My mind is boggled at your eldest having a second home in the sun at my age. Is he/she single and does he/she want a girlfriend (I am a great cook)

@Saysageandlash thank you for taking the time to do such an informative post. All of which I know but needed gently reminding.

And indeed have told other parents in Teenager threads. But sometime ya just need rant!!

Thank you again :)

In fact thank you all, even the negative ones.

@MaybeWednesday

Glad you’re feeling better. I thought it was a great post. Very informative answers and insightful too. It helped me with perspective on a few things as well. Thanks for posting.

I'm not sure I enjoy the fruits of my labour with my 19 year old right now. I'm not sure what success looks like tbh. He is very bright, good grades but lacking in many things I value in people. I think success is raising a functioning adult that goes on to be independent. I'm not sure you have adore all aspects of your kids at all times. I'm waiting for my frog to grow into a prince but living his younger siblings too. I think we don't own people, they don't belong to us. Also it's all a shit at times. Doesn't mean overall its shit. I hope!

I don't understand the need to buy them cars and pay off their debts.

That is way over and above the call of duty, even if you were rolling in it

If your kids are happy and confident, and bring you chocolate when they are occ vile, you are doing well. One of mine is not happy at the moment and there is not much I can do about it, except feel sad. It's definitely a rollercoaster.

Christ - I’m a single parent, low income, useless unemployed boozy ex - ds21 is extremely self sufficient, studying Law and surrounded by crazily rich peers who she gets huffy about - she had a gap year and saved £14k, I didn’t charge rent just asked her to buy her expensive vegan bits because I cannot really afford to fund anything but I allowed her to save a lot - have struggled, don’t drive - ds25 lives here, works, contributes a bit, is lovely, dd16 just dropped out of A Level course, awaiting CAMHS referral and I can afford food and roof over head but her Fenty underwear will now have to be funded through part time work - I take the kids individually away on short holidays, meals out but that’s it - I feel no guilt - you should fund (not excessively) if you can afford it but I don’t believe in huge personal sacrifices just practical and emotional support. You have done more than enough - focus more on yourself, be less resentful 👍

Aw, hope your day is better today! Parenting can be thankless when they are teens/young adults, but they do come around.

I worked with a lady with a wonderful sense of humour. She stated when her kids turned 18, she was getting them a suitcase and a bus ticket to anywhere!

Great update tonight, especially about the chocolate op! Glad things looking a bit more positive . Sometimes it helps to vent too and Mumsnet used to be a place where you could do freely but too many people have their extra large judgey pants on nowadays! And you deserve some sort of medal for steering three teens through to adulthood as a single parent.

I remember feeling outraged years ago on Mumsnet, when people posted what I perceived to be despairing posts about their teens, back when my two were toddlers! How could they be so mean I thought? I will never get to that stage I said to myself smugly! Well how wrong can you be? 😁

I love the very bones of my two and they are turning back in to decent people who care about others, but it does take at least five years or more so it's important to pace yourself and keep replenishing your own cup!

SpringCherryPie · 12/05/2023 13:40
I don’t think parenting is giving with a hope of return. It’s just… giving.

I have a lovely son, who has severe disabilities. I have sacrificed my pension, my career, my ability to go where I please and dating is really hard. It was the right thing to do, as a parent I took my role seriously, I have friends say ‘but what about your life’ - shall I dump my child then?! DS will never leave home and I will never have ‘my’ life. Of course I fit in loads of ‘me’ stuff - I am a musician and carry on with that. But the idea that I need to have it ‘returned’ to me - well that’s never going to happen!

This IS my life. I chose parenting. You chose parenting. We did it well hopefully. That’s it.

I love all this about Cherry Pie, so talented, so loving, so wise and living life to the best even though it has challenges