Op - I hear you - you are going through a particular parenting phase atm and it will pass - I am just coming out the other side of it. It does get better I promise.
You’ve facilitated your dcs lives for so long that you feel exhausted and hollow. It’s often the most overly conscientious parents who feel this way, or parents who are lacking in self esteem, or who weren’t taught about good boundary setting as a child, so try not to take the negative posts on here too personally.
Its really hard to appreciate how difficult raising teens can be until you have actually done it yourself! You may be lucky and adolescence will fly by without any disputes. But all teens and parents are different and for some it can be a very rocky time for both.
It IS hurtful to have put everything in to raising your dc and to just get ignored or nasty comments in return. It can feel so demoralising to be criticised negatively every day when everything you do is focused on making your DCs lives better.
Sorry but some teenagers can go through a really vile phase and it’s not talked about enough. It’s not their fault. It’s awful for them too. Their brains are going through massive plasticity which means they can’t always understand how vile they are being.
Its often when they are being vile that they need the most love! They don’t make it easy though!
This spikiness is a protective mechanism to keep them focused on themselves while they are going through new ‘dangerous’ explorations in the world around them. And to treat others with scepticism and to think everyone is against them and that every request is a potential threat. It keeps them
safe. That’s not to say that it’s not hellish to live with at times!
The good news is that the pre frontal cortex and the limbic system become joined up and fully formed at 25 years approximately, so your youngest dc will be easier to live with then!
At this stage in their life though they don’t need hands on parenting, they need a good role model! However disengaged they seem, they will be picking up on your negativity and unhappiness when they need someone who is cheerful and independent.
So step back from the hands on parenting op. Cook healthy food and leave it in the fridge for them to find. Check on homework progress for the one still doing exams. Apart from that, carry on asking them to clean and do laundry, and run errands.
Most importantly though, get to your gp. Ask for HRT or ads whichever you think more appropriate (it’s hard to tell sometimes). Sometimes you have to test them to see which works! Or take both!
And get some support for yourself. An older women therapist who has had a family. You’ve done a good job to raise your dc to have wings! But it’s your turn now to start focussing on your own happiness. No one is going to give you permission to start NOW! It’s the very best thing you can do for your dc too!
This too shall pass op! Good luck 💐