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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Year 10 dating Year 8.

37 replies

Paternosta · 26/04/2023 17:03

My Year 10 DD has just started dating a boy younger than her. I don't know the exact age gap but it's at least 17 months based on her birthday if he's September birthday.
The only reason I know is because the school rang me to make me aware. They haven't passed judgment but I've never been made aware of my children's dating before so they must think there's an issue.
Is she too old for him? She's not the most mature of Year 10s but I think if it was my son I might not be happy.
So, should I say something to her? And if so.. what?

OP posts:
WheelsUp · 26/04/2023 17:10

I would talk to her. My kids have mentioned friends who date people one year older/younger but I get the impression from them that 2 school year difference is considered out of the norm. I wouldn't raise the point like that but I would gently ask what her friends think and see if she's getting any teasing.
I am surprised that the school called but then again I don't have any experience of the school mentioning my child's bf/gf.

Original poster
Paternosta · 26/04/2023 17:52

When she got home I said to DD "I got a call from Ms B" and she said "Does she think I'm dating a Year 8!".
Apparently a girl in Year 8 told the teacher DD was dating a particular boy in her class. DD says she's only thinking about it and she likes him but isn't sure about the age difference.
At least she's talking to me. I'm still not sure why the school felt they had to tell me about it. Normally they don't get involved.
Maybe there's something going on but then again maybe it's just an over zealous young teacher. 🤷

OP posts:
lljkk · 27/04/2023 16:58

If he's that great then there's no rush (is what I'd tell mine). Be fussy. Take your time.

euff · 27/04/2023 17:10

Is it an age of consent thing, so your DD is 16 or thereabouts and can consent to things whereas the year 8 isn't? If DD was year 12 and the boy year 10 I don't think the school would be concerned.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 27/04/2023 17:13

I think it's quite a big gap at that age, especially as boys generally mature later than girls. I'm quite surprised that a Y10 girl would even be interested in a Y8 boy tbh. What's her self esteem like?

cocksstrideintheevening · 27/04/2023 17:20

I'm amazed the school have got involved and that a y10 girl
Would want anything to do with a y8 boy

lavenderlou · 27/04/2023 17:33

There is a significant maturity gap at that age. I have a Year 8 DD and would not be at all happy for her to be dating anyone from Year 10.

Easterfunbun · 27/04/2023 17:38

I have a year 8 son and I would think that was slightly odd but he hasn’t really started puberty properly and I know that year 10 girls are like young women? Seems a bit of a mismatch.

MermaidEyes · 27/04/2023 17:40

cocksstrideintheevening · 27/04/2023 17:20

I'm amazed the school have got involved and that a y10 girl
Would want anything to do with a y8 boy

I think this too. Tbh in my kids school of around 2000 pupils, the teachers don't even know half the students, never mind who is dating who. OP even if they do start dating I wouldn't see it lasting very long at that age.

PinkyU · 27/04/2023 17:44

What is the age range? We don’t work in years xyz.

Mamadothehump · 27/04/2023 17:53

So a 14/15 year old girl 'dating' a 12/13 year old boy?? That's very unusual imo and I have 3 teenage girls

Original poster
Paternosta · 29/04/2023 10:18

lljkk · 27/04/2023 16:58

If he's that great then there's no rush (is what I'd tell mine). Be fussy. Take your time.

She is quite picky nornally. She's just been in the school musical with him. She was 'ensemble' and he was the lead so I think it's a case of being star struck.
She insists nothing is going on and Miss B got the wrong end of the stick. But Miss B said she had spoken to DD and she was 'quite pleased about it'. I am wondering if DD is lying to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Paternosta · 29/04/2023 10:19

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 27/04/2023 17:13

I think it's quite a big gap at that age, especially as boys generally mature later than girls. I'm quite surprised that a Y10 girl would even be interested in a Y8 boy tbh. What's her self esteem like?

Her self esteem isn't bad. She is very confident and a theatre kid.

OP posts:
Original poster
Paternosta · 29/04/2023 10:21

PinkyU · 27/04/2023 17:44

What is the age range? We don’t work in years xyz.

Year 10 is 14/15. Year 8 is 12/13. She is just 15, he's been 13 for a while.

OP posts:
Whyarewehardofthinking · 29/04/2023 10:24

euff · 27/04/2023 17:10

Is it an age of consent thing, so your DD is 16 or thereabouts and can consent to things whereas the year 8 isn't? If DD was year 12 and the boy year 10 I don't think the school would be concerned.

We would very much be monitoring a Year 12 and a Year 10 no matter what the combination of sex was.

Zola1 · 29/04/2023 10:26

I would absolutely ban my y8 daughter from dating a y10. She's 12, they would be approaching 15. Totally inappropriate.

Original poster
Paternosta · 29/04/2023 10:28

MermaidEyes · 27/04/2023 17:40

I think this too. Tbh in my kids school of around 2000 pupils, the teachers don't even know half the students, never mind who is dating who. OP even if they do start dating I wouldn't see it lasting very long at that age.

Show quote history

Apparently the school rang his parents too and they were not at all bothered.
DD is still insisting it's nothing and she's not seem him out of school time. Hopefully it's fizzled out before it began.

OP posts:
Modda · 29/04/2023 10:32

We would be monitoring that too. Would be very unusual in our school.

BridgetsBigPants · 29/04/2023 10:53

I have sons a similar age. They would definitely consider it a bit off if one of their mates was dating someone 2 years younger. It would be pretty unheard of for a girl to be dating a boy that much younger. 12/13 year old boys aren't particularly mature.

MermaidEyes · 29/04/2023 11:00

I'm curious, those who say their school would be monitoring it, are they fairly small secondary schools? I know for a fact my kid's secondary school don't monitor students relationships.

Duckingella · 29/04/2023 12:02

I think the school is overstepping a boundary;there's a 17 month age gap;you have to wonder if their genders were reversed would it have been seen a problem.

Crazykatie · 29/04/2023 12:17

It would not be usual for a girl to be dating a younger boy, the fact that another pupil told the teacher is strange, maybe they are sweethearts but no more.
Relationships start very young our nephew has a serious GF he’s 16 she 15, she has some problem with her mother and had moved in with nephews family, both parents agree and she sleeps with younger sister.
So DIL has 5 kids in the house including 3 teens

euff · 29/04/2023 12:56

@Whyarewehardofthinking is it age of consent? I thought year 10 was 16 but just realised that's year 11.

Dodgeitornot · 29/04/2023 20:32

I'm really surprised she likes him. That's a bit grim tbh. He's what, max 13? Boys that age are very child like still. Does she have confidence issues?

Whyarewehardofthinking · 29/04/2023 20:39

euff · 29/04/2023 12:56

@Whyarewehardofthinking is it age of consent? I thought year 10 was 16 but just realised that's year 11.

That would be the primary concern, yes. Then it depends on the students and their individual situations and issues. Year 8 with a known history of sharing images of themselves or other unsafe behaviours would mean we intervene with parents and/or external services.

I have spent a lot of time in the last 18 months dealing with things like this.

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