Year 10 dating Year 8.

[Paternosta]

My Year 10 DD has just started dating a boy younger than her. I don't know the exact age gap but it's at least 17 months based on her birthday if he's September birthday.
The only reason I know is because the school rang me to make me aware. They haven't passed judgment but I've never been made aware of my children's dating before so they must think there's an issue.
Is she too old for him? She's not the most mature of Year 10s but I think if it was my son I might not be happy.
So, should I say something to her? And if so.. what?

It's too much. I dated a boy a year younger than me when I was 15, and looking back I can see it was a bit inappropriate. I looked and acted quite a bit older than he did, although there was only 12 months between us. I think apart from age, there's also things like stages of development physically and mentally to consider.

@Whyarewehardofthinking thanks for that. A little scary to know.

@Bexx87 My DD is Y10 and dated a Y9 for about 2 months this year. 12 months age gap. It made me really uncomfortable.The difference between his maturity and even physical development compared to hers was huge. Boys go through puberty much later than girls. The thought of her going out with a Y8 makes me feel sick. That's really not normal. When they're 20 and 22/23 sure. Not at this age when a year makes a huge difference developmentally. Esp between boys and girls. She's physiologically basically a woman and he's a boy. It's a bit grim.

@euff Can I ask why that's scary?

Yeah, that's it exactly. I suppose if it's not proper dating and it's just hanging out then there's no harm done but if there's the potential for things to become sexual then it's a problem.

I asked my DD what would happen if a Y10 went out with a Y8 in her London comp. She said they'd 100% be called a pedo. She got the piss taken out of her for going out with a year below. She said she can't imagine what would've happened if it was a Y8.
OP the school is probably trying to protect your DD too.

It's scary to find out that year 8s are sharing these kinds of images and that teachers are needing to spend a lot of time dealing with this for kids of such a young age.

Strange. What business does a girl in year 10 have with a boy in year 8?

My sister’s in year 10, getting ready for year 11 and her GCSEs. If she was interested in a boy in year 8 it’d be so unusual seeing as the maturity levels are very different.

Plus once she goes to year 11 what are they even gonna have in common school wise. One will be finishing school and thinking about college when the other will be at the end of year 9 just about the pick his options.

It’s a mismatch. No wonder the school called you

If a y10 girl was ‘dating’ my son I would be absolutely horrified. He’s still very much a child and so are all his friends, and the y10 girls I know are sophisticated and thinking about their futures. The maturity levels are a complete mismatch and it’s I appropriate IMO. I’d be worrying why she’s even considering a young immature boy as a match, and the parents of the boy not being bothered is bizarre.

What is scary is the amount of external resources used for this.

Whenever we have an accusation or a suspicion that these images exist it isn't just me and the pastoral team it also involves the police as we are obviously not allowed to check or view thee images. Has to be the police.

Then it is up to the police with how it is dealt with.

I agree. It's brilliant we've got more laws to protect children, but they keep increasing public sector responsibilities without increasing staff. This includes every area of public sector.

Yup. Parents still don't believe us when we say social media and phones should be closely monitored/if ever given. Even on Mumsnet, a website that generally attracts mums who care about their kids, there is criticism about schools overstepping and parents being criticized for checking their kids phones or not giving them smart phones.