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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How to cope with teen boy

32 replies

Bekch03 · 22/04/2023 22:57

Hello,
My eldest son is 14 and today we’ve had so much angst from him, primarily to me, his mum and I just need a way to cope with it. He tried to refuse his breakfast - suggesting I was force feeding him. I fought against it and he ate it eventually. Tonight we tried to have dinner together and he complained about it. I ended up crying in frustration as it wears me down when my son seems to battle against me. Does anyone have any advice to get through this teen stage please? Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
crazeecatlady · 22/04/2023 23:05

Pick your battles. He will eat when he's hungry. If it's junk then don't buy as much. Have healthy snacks in the fridge that he can eat 'when he's in the mood'. Try to remain calm and not give him things to fight about. Walk away, talk to the hand...etc. Don't let him see he is upsetting you, cos that's the reaction he wants. Teenage boys don't do empathy very well, so tears won't have any effect.

Athrawes · 22/04/2023 23:05

Not eating breakfast won't kill him.
If he is rude about dinner, he doesn't need to eat it, just don't make him anything else.
He's pushing, getting a reaction. It's vile but normal. Hold your boundaries and don't get sucked in.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 22/04/2023 23:05

Why was it so important that he ate breakfast? If he's not hungry or didn't fancy what you were offering to make, is it that big of a deal? I'd let him eat (or not) at the weekends. He can always get himself some fruit or cereal mid-morning if his appetite kicks in a bit later.

When you say he complained about dinner enough to make you cry, what on earth was he saying? If he was saying it's not tasty then that's really rude and I'd wait til you've both calmed down before having a frank conversation about it. Perhaps tell him that he has to cook for himself if he doesn't want what you're having.

Hellocatshome · 22/04/2023 23:08

Don't sweat the small stuff. He doesnt want breakfast he doesn't eat breakfast he doesnt like the food for dinner he doesnt have to eat it but he has to make himself a proper meal not just eat snacks. If you are crying over this you may find the teen years hard cos this is nothing to some teen issues you may end up facing.

Donotgogentle · 22/04/2023 23:11

“He tried to refuse his breakfast - suggesting I was force feeding him. I fought against it and he ate it eventually.”

what? This strikes me as really controlling, sorry. He’s old enough to decide whether he wants breakfast or not, he’s not a young child.

You need to respect his boundaries and things might work more co-operatively.

SnarkyBag · 22/04/2023 23:13

Why are you forcing breakfast on him? He’s not a toddler leave him be!

carriedout · 22/04/2023 23:16

If he doesn't want to eat, he should be allowed to decide for himself.

Also you need to try to rein in the crying, yes teens are frustrating but you need to manage your emotions and keep things in perspective.

Youdoyoubabe · 22/04/2023 23:21

boarding school?

Seriously though. I rarely make breakfast for my teens as they are mostly quite antisocial in the mornings on weekdays.... and still in bed on weekends.

This too will pass...

ChocAuVin · 22/04/2023 23:23

crazeecatlady · 22/04/2023 23:05

Pick your battles. He will eat when he's hungry. If it's junk then don't buy as much. Have healthy snacks in the fridge that he can eat 'when he's in the mood'. Try to remain calm and not give him things to fight about. Walk away, talk to the hand...etc. Don't let him see he is upsetting you, cos that's the reaction he wants. Teenage boys don't do empathy very well, so tears won't have any effect.

Spot on.

purpleme12 · 22/04/2023 23:23

I had to go back and re-read what age he was when I read about making him eat breakfast as I thought he must be a little child.

DelilahBucket · 22/04/2023 23:27

Pick your battles. This is a none issue. I don't make breakfast for DS. If he's hungry he gets something to eat in the morning. If I have a brunch planned (usual for a Sunday) he knows about it in advance. I certainly wouldn't argue over a meal time. Perhaps treat him more like a mini adult and he might act like it?

HereForTheFreeLunch · 23/04/2023 00:14

I suggested he cook what he would like to eat. It's mostly eggs or quick snacks.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 23/04/2023 00:17

So if he's not hungry, he fixes his breakfast when he is. Sometimes cooks eggs for us too

Frobisherslament · 23/04/2023 00:25

Heavens why are you creating an issue over food op? Is your ds seriously underweight? Do you suspect anorexia? If not then leave well alone!

I am sorry you are upset but you sound a bit over controlling. Surely you can cut him a bit of slack over the weekend? He’s fourteen, not eight! My late father had left home at fourteen and was working at a full time job!

Your ds’s behaviour is telling you something op… he wants more control over his own decisions … I suggest you don’t stand in his way and you listen to him or else he will try and rebel in far more worrying ways. Good luck!

WhereMyRosemaryGoes · 23/04/2023 00:30

I have a 14-year-old son.

He is allowed to make bad decisions, including going to bed too late and skipping breakfast. It only becomes my business if it has an adverse effect on his health or schoolwork. Even then, I don't go to war; I talk to him about my concerns, explain why I'm worried, and listen to his perspective.

As a parent, I don't see much value in forcing him to do things my way. Firstly, I don't always know best. And secondly, in a couple of years, he's going to be an adult who is responsible for making his own decisions. My job is to give him the skills and tools to make good decisions.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 23/04/2023 00:44

You need to realise he is 14, you don’t need to tell him to eat breakfast, his world won’t end if he gets hungry. If he doesn’t like what you cooked treat him like a adult - let him make himself a sandwich. Stop babying him which makes him need to push back.

ComputerWifeKaren · 23/04/2023 00:45

I stopped eating breakfast from around the age of 11. Still don’t 30+ years on. Just don’t have the appetite. I suggest you start to pick your battles, this is a tiny hill to die on when you're dealing with a teenager.

Kanaloa · 23/04/2023 00:48

If he was saying it's not tasty then that's really rude

Is it? I don’t think it’s rude to say ‘this doesn’t taste great’ or ‘I don’t want this.’ Why should anybody force down food that isn’t tasty or that they don’t want?

Of course it would be more polite to just say no thank you, but given that his mother is very odd and fights him until he forces himself to eat food he doesn’t want, bluntness might be necessary.

OP, you sound controlling and that’s probably making him uncomfortable. He is 14 years old. Let him eat what he wants to eat.

Fififizz · 23/04/2023 08:26

My almost 14 year old is like this. Difficult, rude to me, nitpicking. It’s hard to bear especially as I still do so much to support him. He has SEN so I feel stuck between wanting to step back and being unable to. His behaviour is far worse towards me than anyone else. I get very down about it but teenagers do need to push their mums away as they grow up. It’s just a shame they can’t be less rude about it.

Easterfunbun · 23/04/2023 08:29

Why does he need to eat breakfast? I have a 13 year old who really can’t stomach food in the morning. It’s fine, he just waits until his lunch.

Effingmagicfairy · 23/04/2023 08:34

Pick your battles, is all his made & food served to him, let him get his own when he’s hungry, teaches them independence, just make sure he clears up after.

SpringOn · 23/04/2023 08:36

WhereMyRosemaryGoes · 23/04/2023 00:30

I have a 14-year-old son.

He is allowed to make bad decisions, including going to bed too late and skipping breakfast. It only becomes my business if it has an adverse effect on his health or schoolwork. Even then, I don't go to war; I talk to him about my concerns, explain why I'm worried, and listen to his perspective.

As a parent, I don't see much value in forcing him to do things my way. Firstly, I don't always know best. And secondly, in a couple of years, he's going to be an adult who is responsible for making his own decisions. My job is to give him the skills and tools to make good decisions.

Exactly this

watcherintherye · 23/04/2023 08:37

lf you’re not giving him the option to miss breakfast if he doesn’t want it, then you are effectively force feeding him, albeit with psychological restraint rather than physical. He’s 14. You need to take at least a couple of steps back.

Climbingthelaundrymountain · 23/04/2023 08:40

You've got to pick your battles. Not eating breakfast is such a small issue. Yes it is important to eat but he will eat when he's hungry. There are so many other issues that can arise I would definitely not pick this as my hill to die on.

PreparationPreparationPrep · 23/04/2023 08:51

At 14 - I agree pick your battles. How was he before his teens ?, if he was strong willed anyway then this is teenage plus his personality.

Mine eat when they are hungry - I don't force them to eat breakfast because early mornings are rushed . But I do give them a snack for mid morning. That is when hunger seems to set in.

I would rather they ate when they are hungry than have stressful battles, where eventually the food gets scraped into the bin anyway, with all sides feeling bad.