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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do you remember when you were first dumped or when your teen was?

34 replies

Paternosta · 21/04/2023 19:19

17 year old DS is heartbroken. He's alternating between moping in bed and singing miserable songs with his ukulele. His girlfriend of 3 years wants 'a break' and we all know that just means the end. He was sobbing yesterday when he told me. It was all I could do to keep it together myself.
He doesn't want to tell anyone else yet, just his dad - not even his younger sister.
Anyone else been through this with their teen? Or remember it happening to you? What did you do to help them or to get over your first love?

OP posts:
watchthebloodycat · 21/04/2023 19:21

I don't have teens yet but I do remember it happening to me.

I was horrendously heartbroken. It was very real. I drank more alcohol than I should have and made an arse of myself more than I should have.

I got there in the end. But I do remember my mum and dad being there for me, which was massive looking back.

Bless him.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 21/04/2023 19:23

I remember this happening to me. 16yrs old been together a year and a half or something. He broke my heart via a txt message and I was staying at my grans with my mum. I went through to my mum and howled my head off. I sounded like a dying animal. My gran rushed through to see what was going on. It was very very upsetting.

I definitely felt the affects for a fair number of weeks. The only thing that needs a broken heart is time. And lots and lots of activities. Seeing friends, going to cinema. A holiday. Etc

Poor soul. The only thing id say is the girl is being very bad stringing him along with the "I want a break". His life is not an episode of friends and if she wants to break up she should own it. I imagine it's likely she's found a new guy that's giving her attention. That was the case with my bf. He met a girl in the city and I expect found her much more exciting than country girl me.

We did actually end up getting back together years later and were together a few years but then I broke his heart in the end..

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 21/04/2023 19:24

Mends a broken heart* that should say

Mynewname2023 · 21/04/2023 19:28

First heartbreak is awful but time is a healer. Just make sure it’s a clean break, I was dumped by text and then he wanted to get back with me, we were on and off for ages until I’d finally had enough. Keep
him busy and it’s easier if he doesn’t follow her social media (it’s so much harder to move on when they are seeing the person online all the time!).

Original poster
Paternosta · 21/04/2023 20:34

The problem is they still go to school together. They have to see each other every day.
Going to be a tricky one.

OP posts:
MyMachineAndMe · 21/04/2023 21:22

It's trite but it's true: time heals. I always found that music helped as it was like someone else understood how I was feeling and could put it into words better than I could.

I was dumped by a boyfriend of 4 years, when I was just about to turn 21, and was absolutely gutted. My mum and stepdad took me out to the local pubs for my birthday and I just cried but it didn't take long to pick myself up again. I got a job in a pub just to give me something to do on an evening rather than mope.

LynetteScavo · 21/04/2023 21:42

Yes I remember being dumped - I didn't mention it to my parents. I got very told off by my mother for being sullen. Apparently it didn't matter what was going on in my life I should remain cheery. I hadn't even realised I was being down in the dumps, but I was heartbroken.

My DC have always been the dumpers, so I've not had to pick up the pieces....yet. It's brilliant that your DS can come to you, rather than put on a brave face. You must me a lovely mum.

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 21/04/2023 21:44

My poor DD15 is just getting over a broken heart, we’re 8 weeks post break-up. It was the most awful experience as a parent to date. She cried for days and days, puked before school (at the same school), hardly ate - it was painful to watch her agony. Initially we listened to her, let her cry, gave her space when she wanted it and watched moves when she didn’t and needed a cuddle. After the first week or so we kept her very busy, especially on the days she would have seen him, agreed he’a a twat, listened some more, cried some more. She’s been spoilt rotten by DH and I (and I’m sure is milking it at this point). She has a great mantra which she stuck to, and amazingly didn’t try to contact him, it’s HALT and means don’t contact if you’re any of the following:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired.

Best of luck, OP.

Ilovetea42 · 21/04/2023 21:49

To be honest, I think my first break up was the best lesson I learnt in how to handle myself in situations like that because I also had to see my ex every day. He took it badly and bad mouthed me to everyone who would listen until mutual friends had to have a word with him.

I think this is a good opportunity for your son to learn how to hold his head high, respect her choices and decisions and be civil with her. I'd focus on helping him devise some coping strategies, let him feel his feelings (best way to get over it is to go through it as much as it sucks) and make sure he has some outlets where he can go be with other people where she won't be present if they see each other at school every day. I'd remind him of what isn't acceptable- bullying her or putting her down or bad mouthing her because his hurt right now isn't her problem- she's entitled to break up with him as much as he was entitled to break up with her.

YellowGreenBlue · 21/04/2023 21:50

Yes I remember my first broken heart and how very very painful it was. Hugs to your DS Sad

Coffeeandbourbons · 21/04/2023 21:54

Yes I was 13 and I found out I was dumped when he removed my name and hearts from his MSN tag line. I was DEVASTATED and immediately went to TK Maxx for a revenge outfit. If you’re reading this, FUCK YOU PHIL. He’s engaged to a doctor now so I can’t even say he’s regretting it. She’s prettier than me too 😢

Andi2020 · 21/04/2023 22:50

Keep him busy, walk movie meal, invite friends over for video games. Been with their friends is best way.
14 to 17 is way too early to be together so long, he needs to have teenage boy fun time.
Does he have other interests outside of school
I have 3 teens eldest 20 in July always coped with breakup by going out with friends and having fun
Dd2 18 never had steady boyfriend so don't know how she would handle it probably hard.
Ds 15 just into video games doesn't want to go out yet was text a girl but got bored of text interrupt his games so told her he wasn't ready 🤣 they are all different so a bit spoiling for your ds and hugs to you both

way2serious · 21/04/2023 23:00

This was my DS at the end of his first year at uni. He was heartbroken and would just come and lie on my bed and cry. He didn’t eat for nearly a week and I just didn’t know how to make him feel better. He gradually got better but it was horrible seeing him like that.

I was really careful not to moan about his ex or say anything negative about her and just tried to be ‘there’ for him. By the end of the week I managed to get him to arrange to go and visit a friend at uni in Leeds for a few days and that helped.

Hope your DS begins to feel better soon. it is horrible to see them so broken.

EconomyClassRockstar · 21/04/2023 23:04

I remember mine and have experienced 3 of my kids'. One of them just after they left for uni which meant a million and one chats at 2am as they cried down the phone and we talked and talked and talked. I only once said anything negative and that was when one of my son's got dumped and, "Thank God" came out my mouth before I could stop it. Luckily it made him laugh.

Loraloralaughs · 21/04/2023 23:23

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

elodiesmith · 22/04/2023 00:41

I remember. I was 16 and moved to a different country and found out he was getting married (he was 20).

The pain was so bad. Nothing else mattered in the world at the time. I was heartbroken.
I drank some alcohol, wrote in my diary.

The saddest thing is that I didn't tell anyone about it. I wasn't close to my parents and that's when I needed them the most. I just carried that pain in silence. Your son is lucky he has such caring parents like you. X

DramaAlpaca · 22/04/2023 01:10

I remember. I was 17 and it was a couple of days before Charles and Diana's wedding, I sobbed all the way through it feeling very sorry for myself.

My DS got dumped during lockdown. He was heartbroken. It took him a while, but he's doing better now even though he still hasn't met anyone he liked as much as her.

Rollergirl11 · 22/04/2023 07:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

You don’t allow your 18 yr olds to date? How very draconian. They are adults at this point. Why do you think you can dictate how they live their lives at this age? Just because your parents enforced this ridiculous rule on you and you “didn’t feel you missed out” doesn’t mean you should impose the same on your own DC.

Pahpahpotato · 22/04/2023 07:53

Oh bless him, it’s so tough when you’re young, everything seems like the end of the world. I’ve never actually been dumped but heartbreak is never fun. Best thing you can do is be a listening ear and an encouraging voice for when he just needs someone on his side. I’d also be subtly suggesting he sees his mates, that always helps.

I have to admit, your line about singing melancholy songs with his ukulele did make me smile to myself.

Original poster
Paternosta · 22/04/2023 12:22

watchthebloodycat · 21/04/2023 19:21

I don't have teens yet but I do remember it happening to me.

I was horrendously heartbroken. It was very real. I drank more alcohol than I should have and made an arse of myself more than I should have.

I got there in the end. But I do remember my mum and dad being there for me, which was massive looking back.

Bless him.

It's good to know you remember your parents being supportive. We are trying to be! She's done the decent thing and made it official this morning so he's devastated 😭. I've hugged him a lot, made him toast and jam and now we're watching Star Wars cartoons..

OP posts:
Original poster
Paternosta · 22/04/2023 12:25

@Hungrycaterpillarsmummy Over text!
Ex GF has done that to DS this morning. It's definitely over. Bless him

OP posts:
Original poster
Paternosta · 22/04/2023 12:29

@Mynewname2023Tha is for the tip about social media. I will.mention that to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Paternosta · 22/04/2023 12:30

Paternosta · 22/04/2023 12:29

@Mynewname2023Tha is for the tip about social media. I will.mention that to him.

Thanks that should say

OP posts:
Original poster
Paternosta · 22/04/2023 12:33

LynetteScavo · 21/04/2023 21:42

Yes I remember being dumped - I didn't mention it to my parents. I got very told off by my mother for being sullen. Apparently it didn't matter what was going on in my life I should remain cheery. I hadn't even realised I was being down in the dumps, but I was heartbroken.

My DC have always been the dumpers, so I've not had to pick up the pieces....yet. It's brilliant that your DS can come to you, rather than put on a brave face. You must me a lovely mum.

So sorry your parents weren't supportive. That sounds very hard to have gone through. Un-mumsnetty hugs to you x

OP posts:
Original poster
Paternosta · 22/04/2023 12:40

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 21/04/2023 21:44

My poor DD15 is just getting over a broken heart, we’re 8 weeks post break-up. It was the most awful experience as a parent to date. She cried for days and days, puked before school (at the same school), hardly ate - it was painful to watch her agony. Initially we listened to her, let her cry, gave her space when she wanted it and watched moves when she didn’t and needed a cuddle. After the first week or so we kept her very busy, especially on the days she would have seen him, agreed he’a a twat, listened some more, cried some more. She’s been spoilt rotten by DH and I (and I’m sure is milking it at this point). She has a great mantra which she stuck to, and amazingly didn’t try to contact him, it’s HALT and means don’t contact if you’re any of the following:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired.

Best of luck, OP.

This is great advice. It's going to be similar with DS I think. A long period of adjustment.
He has some good friends and they are mostly his rather than hers so he'll be well supported at school.

OP posts: