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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

have your teens changed personality HUGELY since being little?

53 replies

mellyonion · 15/02/2008 15:56

hi. i love reading this board. i'm a youth worker and work with teens. its great for me to see the parents side of teen issues, and gives me a well rounded view of teen problems and isues...have enjoyed the "do you remember" thread, and it got me thinking....my 3 kiddies are still little, but i am getting glimpses into the future with my sometimes adorable, sometimes sulky 7 year old.....i just wondered...have your teens sort of retained the same personality traits as they used to have when they were small???

OP posts:

juuule · 15/02/2008 18:50

I thought I had, Desi.

2bulletsformyvalentine · 15/02/2008 19:13

because that is how I felt hmmm.....
why do I have to explain.

Psychomum5 · 15/02/2008 19:26

No idea at the moment, as both my teen, and pre-teen, have been cloned by aliens and the real girls spirited away......, or maybe .

actually, not quite true........DD1 has always been much more fiesty (like me), and still is now, where-as DD2 is more like DH and laid back and sweet (when not in 'cloned-mode'), and is looking like staying the same........

I have to say, when they were tiny, I always said that DD1 would be a 'boss' type person......a judge maybe as she likes to send people away, and she is still a leader (altho as the eldest of 5 she would be really....), and DD2 would be a hurse or caring type, and she still is.....she mothers every babay that some into the house.

what that says for DD3 who I always said would be a rebel and find the one thing to iss me off (ie, be a pole dancer), I don't know.........

watch this space......

gibberish · 15/02/2008 19:36

dd1 was always rather highly strung and high maintenance. She has changed since becoming a teen (she is 14) in that she is now 300 times more highly strung and high maintenance than when she was younger

dd2 was a very laid back, easy going, easy to please child. She is now 13 and still the same thankfully!

I don't know that they necessarily change, just that as they become older their personalities become stronger, more defined and apparent. So their good qualities will become more apparent, but so will their bad. If that makes sense.

discoverlife · 15/02/2008 19:43

I agree that teenagers are aliens, they bring back the real children when they reach about 20.

Psychomum5 · 15/02/2008 19:47

oh god, will be a raging alcoholic by then

ivykaty44 · 15/02/2008 19:49

ET go home DD come back

discoverlife · 15/02/2008 19:54

Yep, or it could be later. DS1 is 22 and I can honestly say that I know diddly squat about him, his life, his friends. I don't even know if he is interested in girls or boys.

ordinariaindissimula · 15/02/2008 20:37

What a good thread. My DSS (23) is just the same as he was as a child and didn't change during his teens. The younger one (17) changed from a very highly-strung, needy and sensitive boy to a much more independent ace guitar whizz who has just done his own concert on his own - something that I would never have envisioned. He is still much more sensitive than his brother but we were a bit worried that he'd never really manage as an adult for a long while.

DD (5) is a massive drama queen who needs attention all the time and throws the mother of all paddies if she doesn't get her way. I am trying to beat gently train this out of her but my god I hope we're not still getting this as a teen. She's already left home with a door slam (at 3).

Psychomum5 · 15/02/2008 20:57

lol at the leaving home at 3......

my DD didn;t try that till she was 8, so you got a 'right one' on you hands!!!!.

nahhhhhh......just means she has a 'strong personality' according to my MIL..

2bulletsformyvalentine · 15/02/2008 21:51

wow I had to go away and think about this one.
ds is still similar. he is still is very funny and a softy around his sister.
but he has matured and become his own person.
when he was younger he followed the leader and tended to be a yes boy. now he does his own thing and doesn't care what his peers think.

Original poster

mellyonion · 15/02/2008 22:15

thanks for all your responses everyone.

juuule...the teens i work with i have not known since they were young children, so i have no knowledge of their childhood personalities......i am a little confused tbh at your not very friendly response.....

i didn't think it was that odd a question???

still. i'm quite pleased that most of you say your kids are essentially the same....my 7yo is a lovely little lad, but he does have some really quite sulky moments, which i can see really driving me insane in the teenage/alien years! he is eager to please, and has only a few really good buddies...i can see he has a real kind of emo potential!

my dd, age 4 is just so funny, sweet, caring and sunny...a real joy! hopefully she'll keep her happy disposition.

my ds, age 18 months is already showing real signs of being a joker....he does have a wild temper though...not sure if its his terrible twos or his ginger hair "red headed" temprament!

OP posts:

Desiderata · 15/02/2008 22:25

Ah, thanks for a good thread, melly.

It has always intrigued me, as well. My dh has four children from his previous marriage, all nearly grown now. He has a classic photo of them all, when the eldest is nine, and the youngest is two.

The 9yo looks serious and studious. She's now in her final year of medical studies.

The 7yo looks pissed off and grumpy. Now at 23, there's no change there.

The 4 yo looks ditzy and away with the fairies; easy-going and loveable. Now at 17, that's exactly how she is.

The 2 yo looks so laid back he's horizontal. Not a care in the world. He's still the same now, at 15.

Following that criteria, I reckon my son is going to be just fine!!

juuule · 15/02/2008 22:31

Sorry melly, didn't mean to be unfriendly. I just thought that whatever training was involved in being a youth worker might have included some insight into development of children into teens into adults. Surely an understanding of development even if somewhat generalised would be useful in the work you do.
Obviously with hindsight you've posed a good question and have realised the value of knowing where the youth is coming from.
Well I live and learn. Please excuse my ignorance of what youth worker training involves.

2bulletsformyvalentine · 15/02/2008 22:44

and i thought
meant hmmmmmm need to think about this

Original poster

mellyonion · 15/02/2008 22:49

hi again. tbh, i was not coming at this from a work point of view.....more as a parent of little ones wondering what the future holds.......

i only mentioned the youth work thing to kind of explain my lurker status on a board i don't regularly post on.......

have enjoyed reading everyones posts...........maybe i can bypass the ages 13-19 when alien beings hijack my babies????

OP posts:

2bulletsformyvalentine · 15/02/2008 23:01

oh dond't i think they are brilliant years.
ds has become my freind not just my son. we have had a laugh.

discoverlife · 16/02/2008 01:47

I agree, when you get the 'real' child back, they revert to the child they were, but a more mature version of that child. So I still know diddly squat about DS1.
DD was always sweet, emotional, loving, fashionable etc. and still is, she is also a good friend.
DS2 is only 10 but is my twin in personality with his Dads sense of humour thrown in as well. His teens will probably be confused but I am hoping he will come back as a great mate.

chenin · 16/02/2008 21:06

oridinarian.... how funny you talk about y our DD leaving home at age 3, in that my DD1 (now 19) left home at about age 4 (teddy packed in backpack and made it to the end of the road!) and she has slammed doors and left home many a time in her teens too! (It's all a load of nonsense and I just ignore it if that's any consolation!)

blueshoes · 16/02/2008 22:01

God help me.

discoverlife · 16/02/2008 23:01

I was once taken for a 'walk' at the age of two & a half, by my cousin who was 4 & a half. We were found 4 hours later by the coastgurd (Army helicopter involved) having walked 3 miles, across a busy main road and were ambling through the local (very dangerous) marshes supposedly looking for a way out because we were hungry. I think i have setled down a bit since then, but I seem to have passed the exploring gene on to each of my kids, especially DD who went missing EVERY time we went on holiday.

cory · 17/02/2008 20:09

Too early to assess teenage years as dd is only 11, but she has changed already, from a sensitive highly strung drama queen (toddler/infants school) to a very mature person whose most obvious trait is a sense of proportion. Or maybe it's just that she's learnt to use one trait that she always had (sense of humour) to control other sides of her personality.

I know I changed too, from a very sensitive shy loner in early childhood, to a rather outgoing laidback person in adulthood. Of course, there are parts of me that my family still recognise, but not all parts.

Ds at 7 seems to have moved into the vacant diva niche, from having been an incredibly easygoing little boy.

PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 17/02/2008 20:14

dp and i were discussing this last night and decided NO

You can look back and see little hints of petulance - arrogance - self righteousness in the 2 year old that now ruins our life n the 15 year old...

ahhh after a long half term 'things can only get better'

but when will my daughter start washing?

Lilymaid · 17/02/2008 20:20

My two DSs are basically the same as they have been since toddlers (and in many ways since before birth!)

rantinghousewife · 17/02/2008 20:21

Well, my teen (14) has always expressed certain personality traits, so I would say no, although I'm not sure if that just means he conforms to the image I sort of have of his personality in my head iyswim.
He's always been fairly laid back and likeable (little old ladies have always adored him, he's still got an OAP fan club in our road), although I doubt they'd be so fond if they heard his favourite retort to 'tidy your room, please'.

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