How much screen time does your Y10 (or thereabouts) get per day/ week?

[Notfortigers]

Am trying to crack down on DS's excessive screen use and get him outside a bit more. Not easy for a variety of reasons which I won't go into here.

What is considered reasonable in your house, ie how many hours per day (or over a week if it's not the same every day) are your teen DCs on a screen? Including console/ YouTube etc/ phone/ basically anything that counts as leisure time. I'm excluding homework and time spent chatting to friends (although unfortunately my dc doesn't do much of the latter, although his younger sibling does).

I have no idea what is reasonable - I only have my DC's word for how mean I am compared to his friends' parents but I am taking that with a pinch of salt!

I wouldnt be putting a limit on it at that age but I would put boundaries so no recreational screen time until homework and revision complete to a good standard, no screen time after X pm. Having to be washed and dressed at the weekend and holidays before going on any screens. We don't have any screens in DDs bedroom. DD has to go outside for at least an hour a day so either with me, with friends or to a sport practice etc. Phones charge at night in the kitchen.

Having taught at Secondary I think it's unlikely for most 15 year old to have a limit on screen time.

I don't have limits as such with my tween. Some days he can be on it loads, other days not at all. Look at it as a whole - does your ds do other things? Sports, socialising etc? If so then don't worry too much about what he does with his downtime. If he is literally just sat starting at a screen 24/7 though I agree it's a problem.

Thanks - I like the must be outside for an hour idea.

I know he's a teenager but left to his own devices (literally;) ) he'd be on them 24 hours a day. I think he is low-grade addicted. That's why I'm.trying to sort of quantify things.

Unfortunately he does very little else. This is something we are working on and there are other issues (friendships ending, lack of confidence etc). So screens and not interacting with others are very much the easy option for him.

Rather than "you must not be on screens until x amount of time" or whatever which puts all the focus on screens still and just counting down till he can get back on them. I would just be implementing healthier lifestyle things, so we eat dinner and there are no screens, going out doing a hobby, finding something away from screens that you both do together, if you can afford even days out that he will like ( go karting, quad biking, fishing, football matches ect) ... I guess what I'm saying is adding other positive stuff in his life away from screens rather than taking screens away.

Good luck

My DD is younger but I don't unlock her phone and tablet until she is dressed and ready for school otherwise she'd be late every day. I lock them down an hour before bedtime too. I don't really put time limits because she dips in and out of homework and a lot of the stuff she watches is fairly educational and she still does lots of clubs and activities in between but I switch everything off if she's got chores to do because otherwise she just gets sucked in for hours (bit like me on MN!)

Maybe buy some more grown up arts and crafts things for him to do. Those little models they stick together and paint I can't remember what they are called might be a winner.

I find when I actually set things up DD is more likely to do them, she has ASD so often if it's out of sight it's out of mind. So I'll set watercolours up on the table with everything she needs just like I used to with her poster paints as a young child.

I'll get the ingredients for her favourite cake and get them out and them she'll happily do it.

I'll leave the box of lego out in the living room with the lid off and find her building something, but if I'd actually suggested it to her I would have been met with scorn.

He’s Yr 10. It’s not long before he’s an adult and moving out.

You can’t be moderating for him at this age, he needs to learn the consequences of it himself in a safe environment before he goes off into the real world and struggles to cope.

I agree - my yr 10 dd is on her phone in her bedroom/around the house throughout the day, mainly snap chat with friends or watching some American series on her iPad. She wasn't allowed any device in her room until the second lock down, when she had to work in her room - and we couldn't go backwards after that!

BUT she's committed & on top of all her school work, does a number of clubs, gets outside everyday, does her jobs around the house, goes out with friends etc etc. No screens in the bedroom after 10pm (I don't police this - she puts it outside) and definitely not at meal times, when with wider family etc etc so think this is a fair balance.

Yeah we don’t limit older DS’s screen time on laptops / kindles (we don’t have a PlayStation or phones for the kids). But what we do is make sure they have lots of other interests.

so football all Sat am and Sunday matches, football and other clubs at school, family walks and outings and no devices when family and friends are over.

so it sort of limits itself.

No limits but does
9.5 hrs of extra curricular sport every week
Bakes
Goes for walks with friends
Eats all meals at table with family.

Favourite tv programs - we watch with teen

Try to add activities rather than limit screen time.

He's 14! He can't see the consequences - the consequences for him of spending too much time watching YouTube are great as far as he is concerned. He's not a baby but he is still a kid and needs input from us.

Mine are a bit older now but we weren't limiting it at that age, I agree with finding other things to do, cooking, getting out for outings and walks, cinema, hobby clubs, watching TV as a family. It means watching things you wouldn't normally, eating things they want to cook even if you aren't keen, going places you wouldn't necessarily choose. Anything to spark a bit of interest.

He's 14! He can't see the consequences - the consequences for him of spending too much time watching YouTube are great as far as he is concerned. He's not a baby but he is still a kid and needs input from us.

Surely 15 at year 10 nearly if a summer baby. My dd is the same and agree with the above and other advice. Focus on something else instead of allocated times. In two years they will be 17 and it becomes harder to police them. Some if their mates will be 17 in 18 months and learning to drive.

We don't have limits with DS15 as he's pretty self regulating with wanting to run/go to the gym etc and he's usually asleep by 9.30. The youngest is a different kettle of fish. Only 12 but would stay on screens forever if he could. School nights we insist he does any homework after supper so no screens thereafter until he has. No sleepovers etc at weekends unless he's caught up. But that's easier when they're younger! Maybe the Wi-Fi might 'stop working' for some reason...

He’s Yr 10. It’s not long before he’s an adult and moving out.You can’t be moderating for him at this age, he needs to learn the consequences of it himself in a safe environment before he goes off into the real world and struggles to cope.

He's 14, not 17!

Not 15 until late summer. I don't really want to argue with you but the fact that in 3 years he'll be driving is neither here nor there. 3 years ago he was 11. Every year is a huge change at this age.

It's great if your kids can self regulate but mine can't, hence the thread asking for advice.

Yes I know 🤦‍♀️
Spectacularlly missing the pps point.

That’s the whole point - you need to allow him to see and learn the consequences.

Of course he can’t self regulate now, and he won’t learn to for as long as you’re doing it for him. That’s why he needs to learn it.

At 14/15 he is more than capable enough of learning that skill (and now is a really good time).

You should be giving him our opportunities to set him up for success in later life, not failure because mummy did it for him until he turned around and it was too late and neither of you can understand why he can’t self regulate at 17/18.

Op can't see this though and doesn't want to argue.

Christ, i didn't think my OP was all that controversial. OK so what is your advice then? Do nothing and let him work it out?

Even if he thinks oh great, I can spend all day on YouTube and noone will say anything to me?

I think it's really hard to set limits at that age, however I would agree with PP it's about trying to make sure they have other interests which take them off the screens - sports, hobbies, clubs etc.

I think I'd take the approach of trying to find alternative options of things for him to do, which I think you said you are looking at?

Yes, because he will learn the natural consequences of that.

You can offer different activities, days out, local trips, but at the end of the day if that’s what he wants to do then let him.

Don’t be pushy or put pressure on him; it isn’t going to do anything but push him away and make him put up walls between you.

OP, I see your point. Mine will be 15 in a few weeks, but doesn't self regulate well.
I don't limit snapchat, but do tiktok and instagram (which suck her in). She also has downtime, though that part is not really a problem with her (11:30 on weekdays, but she goes to sleep on her own much earlier than that).
All in all, she's still on her screens a number of hours a day, but mostly talking to friends/bf on snapchat. I am fine with that; I am not fine with unlimited tiktok and instagram (she gets an hour and 30 minutes a day on those, respectively, and can ask for more time if she's done with everything else). She does one sports activity a week and is pretty busy with school.

It's somewhat easy to say "Come up with activities for your child". They are teens, and most are not interested in our activities. I can get her out for a walk occasionally, she will talk to me, and bake once in a while. But she is not biddable. She does go out with friends and bf quite a bit, so I am not worried about her missing out on socializing due to screens.

She says not many of her classmates have screen time limits. That may be so, yet I think her friends spend far too much time on SM of all kinds so we're not dropping it yet. I will probably keep increasing those limits as she shows she can self-regulate better.