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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Alcohol at 18th birthday party?

36 replies

horsesrule · 10/04/2023 06:53

Hi all
DD17 is turning 18 in May and wants to have a party of around 10 girls, her friend group. They are trustworthy girls and get along well with DD, however DD wants alcohol at her party which I am completely against. Myself and DD's dad are quite conservative, we are not drinkers. Only 1 friend out of the 10 will be the legal age, the other 9 will still be 17, hence why I am against this. She doesn't want there to be much alcohol, just 1/2 drinks per person and a couple of the girls don't drink at all and yet I am still against this. The party will be in our backyard and I believe supplying alcohol to 9 minors is wrong, and I am worried about being charged.
DD claims I am a hypocrite for allowing her to go to other friends houses and drink while she is a minor (only one time) and she is pulling out all the cards claiming she's a good kid and should be allowed to have a couple drinks on her 18th birthday with her friends. While she is a good kid and doesn't cause trouble, I am still against alcohol.
What should I do.

OP posts:
KitKatLove · 10/04/2023 07:03

Your daughter has already said that it’s only 1-2 drinks so she sounds very sensible. If you don’t want to serve alcohol I would suggest taking them all paintballing or for afternoon tea but if you’re having a party in your garden it would be unusual and I’m sure you’re not breaking any laws. They’re 17 turning 18 shortly, if they were 15/16 I’d agree no alcohol but a couple of drinks with soft drinks available too sounds fine.

MrsRickAstley · 10/04/2023 07:04

It's fairly normal for these types of parties for 16+
My DD has been countless and there's been alcohol at all of them.

Yes a few have been silly & rowdy but that was mainly the boys.

She's outgrowing them now.

I'd allow it.

BrutusMcDogface · 10/04/2023 07:06

I would allow it. Every 18th birthday party I went to when I was that age had alcohol.

YellowGreenBlue · 10/04/2023 07:06

It's legal to give alcohol to 17 year olds in your home so you wouldn't be doing anything wrong. Like it or not, most 18yo birthday parties will include alcohol and your DD may feel that hers will be "boring" without it. She has been sensible and asked for a moderate amount. I would say yes to her if I were you.

Strugglingtodomybest · 10/04/2023 07:07

I'd allow it.

Dyslexicwonder · 10/04/2023 07:08

I think OP is across the pond or an American living in the UK, the references to backyard and minors. Legal drinking age might be 21 where she comes from.

curlywillow · 10/04/2023 07:10

It’s completely legal. Just let them have the drinks. Seriously, they’ll be going off to university in September, you really don’t want that to be the place where they first start to drink. Better that they learn how to handle it gradually in a safe environment

Lastnamedidntstick · 10/04/2023 07:10

honestly when mine turned 18 she sorted her party. She didn’t ask for permission for alcohol, she’s 18!

if your problem is the ones who aren’t 18 yet, the compromise could be as long as their parents know there will be alcohol.

if you are against alcohol full stop, she needs to take the party elsewhere.

Doingmybest12 · 10/04/2023 07:11

We provided some beers and cider enough for one or two each and then soft drinks we knew they'd use as mixers if they brought spirits. Also bought food and snacks. Sensible group, all fine .

Lastnamedidntstick · 10/04/2023 07:12

btw alcohol at home at 17 is not illegal.

you won’t be charged with anything!

Whu · 10/04/2023 07:13

Of course alcohol is to be expected at at 18th. Provide beer/ cider/ alcopops or be prepared for them bringing vodka.

FlounderingFruitcake · 10/04/2023 07:16

Are you in the UK? If yes then shockingly the law allows 5 year olds to drink at home so 17 year olds would be fine. Especially if you’re talking a modest 1/2 per person and not a massive piss up. Just get premixed stuff so you can control the measures.

nicknamehelp · 10/04/2023 07:19

No 18th party is complete without a few drinks. Better in your back yard then they go to the local park with whatever they've sourced.

Original poster
horsesrule · 10/04/2023 07:21

Dyslexicwonder · 10/04/2023 07:08

I think OP is across the pond or an American living in the UK, the references to backyard and minors. Legal drinking age might be 21 where she comes from.

Hi everyone, we're from Australia where legal drinking age is 18.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 10/04/2023 07:22

I think allowing one or two drinks is fine. DC of parents who had such strict views as you went off the rails when they went to university. Allowing alcohol in a safe and controlled environment and not demonizing it is a much healthier attitude to take.

BHRK · 10/04/2023 07:24

Yes of course you should let her have some drinks at her 18th birthday party! I had them at mine years ago. I can’t see the problem, other than looking ridiculous that you can’t accept your children are on the cusp of adulthood. You definitely need to let this one go and let them have a nice time

Dinoboymama · 10/04/2023 07:27

In Australia you can give under 18s alcohol at home with parental permission to.

MathsNervous · 10/04/2023 07:27

Dyslexicwonder · 10/04/2023 07:08

I think OP is across the pond or an American living in the UK, the references to backyard and minors. Legal drinking age might be 21 where she comes from.

Agree. Backyard and minors huge giveaway...

MyFaceIsAnAONB · 10/04/2023 07:29

Jesus you would go grey if I told you about 18ths where I grew up 😄 100+ teens loose in a barn with people bringing their own decks, foam party equipment, alcohol and god knows what else.

bamboonights · 10/04/2023 07:30

I'd allow it.

MathsNervous · 10/04/2023 07:30

Get a crate of WKD or such like, they will be fine. It's only a few drinks. It's not like they are drinking spirits.

MuddledMindy · 10/04/2023 07:33

Let her have the drinks! She's 18! She sounds very sensible and I really can't see why the parents of the 17 year olds would have any issues with it!

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 10/04/2023 07:37

Is there a particular reason you don't like alcohol? Eg your church is a tea total one so really can't have alcohol in the home? I grew up in one, so get it, I still wouldn't consume alcohol in my DM's or my DB's house out of respect for their beliefs. (But might have a glass of wine if we're out at dinner somewhere.) Or your alcoholics and don't want alcohol in the home.

If it's just a personal preference and you would happily go out to dinner with friends who drink then you're being a hypocrite and unfairly imposing your preferences on your Dd and her friends. And I say that as an Aussie.

Disneygirl37 · 10/04/2023 07:37

It's her 18th! Let her have a drink in a few months when all her friends are 18 I expect they will all start going out to pubs and clubs anyway.

WordtoYoMumma · 10/04/2023 07:39

If she is 18 she can buy her own anyway so you'd not really get a say!

I think it would be odd to not have alcohol at an 18th birthday

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