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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Alcohol at 18th birthday party?

36 replies

horsesrule · 10/04/2023 06:53

Hi all
DD17 is turning 18 in May and wants to have a party of around 10 girls, her friend group. They are trustworthy girls and get along well with DD, however DD wants alcohol at her party which I am completely against. Myself and DD's dad are quite conservative, we are not drinkers. Only 1 friend out of the 10 will be the legal age, the other 9 will still be 17, hence why I am against this. She doesn't want there to be much alcohol, just 1/2 drinks per person and a couple of the girls don't drink at all and yet I am still against this. The party will be in our backyard and I believe supplying alcohol to 9 minors is wrong, and I am worried about being charged.
DD claims I am a hypocrite for allowing her to go to other friends houses and drink while she is a minor (only one time) and she is pulling out all the cards claiming she's a good kid and should be allowed to have a couple drinks on her 18th birthday with her friends. While she is a good kid and doesn't cause trouble, I am still against alcohol.
What should I do.

OP posts:

Freshlycutgrasss · 10/04/2023 07:40

She's sounds very tame! I provided mine with alcohol to go to parties from 16 (once they'd finished school & sat their gcses) & so did the other parents.

I'd expect there to be a lot of alcohol at an 18th so what your dd is actually asking for is so small that I'd happily agree.

If you don't, they'll just go elsewhere to celebrate & get drunk anyway.

LubaLuca · 10/04/2023 07:41

It's par for the course at 18th birthday parties, this was perfectly fine for me and was when mine were under 18 going to mates' parties.

Also she's quite right to say you're being hypocritical about it. You were happy for her to have a couple of drinks at somebody else's house when she was 17 🤨

It's obviously up to you though, it's your home so if you and your husband are dead against it then you have to have the courage of your convictions and forbid it now. Don't let her make plans and then have them cancelled.

Catshaveiteasy · 10/04/2023 07:47

Lucky you - 10 trusted friends and a couple of drinks each. Sounds absolutely fine. My dd will also be 18 in May and wants a party - at 16 she had just girls (more than 10) and no alcohol. At 17 lots of boys too, some she didn't know and many brought alcohol. Nothing awful happened but this year she expects similar and for us to go out all evening. Also a lot of her friends will only be 16 and 17. We have said no.

KrasiTime · 10/04/2023 07:50

I’m not quite sure if you are in Australia or Australians living in the U.K.

My experience in U.K. they will bring it anyway even if you don’t provide it. Usually in an old water bottle.

Much better to provide some drink & mixers. Eldest 18th the mixers were left untouched…

I wouldn’t want university to be their first exposure to alcohol tbh.

Tiredmum100 · 10/04/2023 07:52

I would allow it. My parents allowed us to drink alcohol from 15/16, at home, family parties etc. When I was 16 I had a party on the day of our GCSE results. We were all on the alco pops. We haven't grown up with alcohol problems because alcohol has never been a big deal. I'm nearly 40 now and hardly drink.

dig135 · 10/04/2023 08:08

Alcohol is common at 18ths. We set up a bar manned by our younger son for the other son's 18th in the hope that having to ask someone for a drink might reduce the guzzling at breakneck speed.

I'm not sure either is great parenting but we just about got through the night. And yes, two guests had to be taken home at 3am because they were in such a state.

I'd also say that people will bring alcohol in any case, so it's almost impossible to avoid them drinking.

sashh · 10/04/2023 08:10

Ask the other girls' parents.

The legal age to buy alcohol is 18 but to drink in a private home with parental permission it is 5.

cptartapp · 10/04/2023 08:17

DS2 is 18 next month. The parties he's been to have all had alcohol.
I would allow it no question.
Show some trust in her and treat her like an adult. Having an older DS now 20, I can tell you it usually pays dividends.
Your drinking habits btw, are completely irrelevant.

JennyMatrix · 10/04/2023 08:21

You're worried about being charged? You think the police might raid an 18th birthday party?!

Oblomov23 · 10/04/2023 08:36

Of course you should have a bit of alcohol at her 18th, to suggest otherwise is odd.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 09/08/2023 17:07

You’d be so horrible to not allow your daughter alcohol at her 18th! I’ve never heard of anyone not allowing alcohol at an 18th, or been to any 18th without alcohol. Don’t spoil her birthday. Just because you don’t drink doesn’t mean she can’t have a couple of drinks on what is supposed to be her night. Relax a bit.

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