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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS 17 shoplifted today

27 replies

SanJayH · 05/04/2023 18:59

Went for a lovely family day out, got home and DS 17 proudly showed me something he stole from one of the shops we’ve been to.

He’s never stolen before (to my knowledge). We are too far away from where we visited to return it.

He has been brought up with strong values and I think good parenting from his Dad and I.

Please advise how to deal with this.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 05/04/2023 19:00

He proudly showed it to you?

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/04/2023 19:00

Gosh - how weird that he showed you proudly? Very strange behaviour but how exactly do you punish a 17 year old? I think I would just tell him he cannot live under my roof if he’s stealing and not to make a habit of this.

NetballHoop · 05/04/2023 19:01

If you're too far away to return it in person he should pay for it to be couriered back.

Lamelie · 05/04/2023 19:01

If it’s too far to return make him pay to post it back. How bizarre that he’d show it off to you! Or is it a technical/ not real theft, like an ikea pencil or sachet of ketchup?

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/04/2023 19:01

NetballHoop · 05/04/2023 19:01

If you're too far away to return it in person he should pay for it to be couriered back.

I wouldn’t return it in person anyway, he could get arrested.

Dreamingofasandybeach · 05/04/2023 19:02

you need to make a point of this to him and take him back from where he stole it to and make him hand it back. it's the only way he'll learn that it's not okay. he won't be doing it again in a hurry.

Schmutter · 05/04/2023 19:02

Well, my mates and I used to shoplift at this age - purely for the thrill. I’d never have told my parents though! That’s really very odd.

What was the item?

Brefugee · 05/04/2023 19:03

I wouldn’t return it in person anyway, he could get arrested.

so what do you suggest? doing it as a mum-son tag-team next time? Getting arrested will maybe stop him doing it again

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/04/2023 19:05

Brefugee · 05/04/2023 19:03

I wouldn’t return it in person anyway, he could get arrested.

so what do you suggest? doing it as a mum-son tag-team next time? Getting arrested will maybe stop him doing it again

Not sure why you’re attacking me, I haven’t stolen anything.

personally, I wouldn’t have my child arrested and their whole future affected for a one time offence but perhaps we parent differently?

I would post it back.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 05/04/2023 19:07

It's weird how he proudly showed it off to you presumably knowing that stealing it's wrong. Make him send it back.

I wouldn't be able to trust him anymore. And I'd be embarrassed.

Blanketpolicy · 05/04/2023 19:08

What did you say to him? Ds knows me and my values well enough to not "proudly" display his shoplifting stash.

What did he steal?

SummerHouse · 05/04/2023 19:09

This sounds like one of my DSs "jokes". Are you sure he stole it?

Shoplifting is one thing but proudly showing you is really, really weird.

2bazookas · 05/04/2023 19:11

Take the item to a charity shop.

Tak the cost of the item from DS, and send it to the manager explaining that your son failed to pay for the item.

Comii9 · 05/04/2023 19:12

I would make him through it away whatever it is. You will get the usual people saying yo go back into the shop and return it though 🤣

Brefugee · 05/04/2023 19:12

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/04/2023 19:05

Not sure why you’re attacking me, I haven’t stolen anything.

personally, I wouldn’t have my child arrested and their whole future affected for a one time offence but perhaps we parent differently?

I would post it back.

Show quote history

attacking?
Bloody hell, is it literal violence?

Comii9 · 05/04/2023 19:13

Blanketpolicy · 05/04/2023 19:08

What did you say to him? Ds knows me and my values well enough to not "proudly" display his shoplifting stash.

What did he steal?

Don't even tell us OP. The point is he stole!

samantha0709 · 05/04/2023 19:14

I did this as a teen. Never showed my mum though. I think I did it because I thought I would get away with it. And because it was fun. A thrill.

My friend got caught one day, a lip gloss in boots was what she'd stolen. She got a criminal record and it was a whole fiasco to get it completely wiped off her record later on when she wanted to become a teacher and then go to the USA.

I'd not freak out on him or go too heavy, but just print out the facts about what would happen if he got caught and arrested. You can't make him stop but you can inform him of the wider consequences.

Blanketpolicy · 05/04/2023 19:15

Comii9 · 05/04/2023 19:13

Don't even tell us OP. The point is he stole!

Show quote history

Jeez, the thread police have arrived 🙄

twoandcooplease · 05/04/2023 19:18

What did he steal?

Gladiaterf · 05/04/2023 19:21

I'd give him a very stern talking to.

But it's not the end of the world op. Me and my friends used to steal. We're now very boring respectable adults.

Somanycats · 05/04/2023 19:27

How the bloody hell would people make a 17 year old man return a stolen item? Mine was 14 stone by then and built like an outhouse. And obviously people who steal stuff are not really up for doing what their mum's suggest or they wouldn't have done it in the first place.
OP mine did this a few times, though not paying for train tickets was his main joy. And he told us. He just loved the drama. The leaping over the barriers, the infuriating of freinds and family. We disapproved, everyone disapproved. But actually the more it wound us up the more he did it. When we started with 'you boring idiot, well if you get fined your on your own ' he pretty soon stopped.
And of course he never was caught or fined and has long since stopped.
And works in law enforcement now.

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/04/2023 19:51

Brefugee · 05/04/2023 19:12

attacking?
Bloody hell, is it literal violence?

Show quote history

You’re awful.

Original poster
SanJayH · 05/04/2023 20:01

Somanycats · 05/04/2023 19:27

How the bloody hell would people make a 17 year old man return a stolen item? Mine was 14 stone by then and built like an outhouse. And obviously people who steal stuff are not really up for doing what their mum's suggest or they wouldn't have done it in the first place.
OP mine did this a few times, though not paying for train tickets was his main joy. And he told us. He just loved the drama. The leaping over the barriers, the infuriating of freinds and family. We disapproved, everyone disapproved. But actually the more it wound us up the more he did it. When we started with 'you boring idiot, well if you get fined your on your own ' he pretty soon stopped.
And of course he never was caught or fined and has long since stopped.
And works in law enforcement now.

I think this is a good point, he does love the drama and was looking for a reaction I suspect.

it is tricky because as many have pointed out he’s almost an adult and disciplining a younger teen would be different. I’ve told him I’m very disappointed.

It was a key ring he wanted to put on his car keys fob.

OP posts:
Schmutter · 05/04/2023 20:48

A key ring. Pretty normal behaviour for that age.

I’d be giving him a stern talking to about the consequences he’d been caught and I’d lay a guilt trip on him saying the staff have to pay for these items.

As I said upthread, my mates and I often used to nick from shops at this age. We’d dare each other. I can still remember my stolen Rimmel eyeliners that I used for years! None of us went on to be career criminals or have a criminal record.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 05/04/2023 20:49

Schmutter · 05/04/2023 20:48

A key ring. Pretty normal behaviour for that age.

I’d be giving him a stern talking to about the consequences he’d been caught and I’d lay a guilt trip on him saying the staff have to pay for these items.

As I said upthread, my mates and I often used to nick from shops at this age. We’d dare each other. I can still remember my stolen Rimmel eyeliners that I used for years! None of us went on to be career criminals or have a criminal record.

Some people do it. I know people who have. I wouldn't say it's normal to be a thief tho😅