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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Does your teen make you cry?

32 replies

KeepingUpWithTheKs · 14/03/2023 22:36

Currently sat in bed sobbing like a baby
technically not a teen but my 11 year old began puberty aged 8 so he may as well be one emotionally.
he has 0 respect for me, talks down to me, shouts over me, has an answer for everything, winds his little sister up, ignores everything I say then cries when he gets into trouble saying he hates his life and how I favour his 5 year old sister. He tries to parent her almost and always gets involved when I’m disciplining her shouting over me and ignoring me.

I’m a solo parent and honestly I am so so so drained. I feel like a diabolical parent for having raised him to be so dismissive of me as a mum and as a human. I cry for the insanely close bond we had previously where he adored me and I adored him. I cry with the jealousy of seeing other 11 year olds being polite, kind and rolling their eyes but doing what their told and I cry for the pitying looks I get when people hear him talking to me the way he does.

I just don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to fix it and it’s killing me inside.

OP posts:
Northby · 14/03/2023 22:43

I’m sorry, I don’t have any advice but I wanted to send you a hug 💐

Workinghardeveryday · 14/03/2023 22:46

My dd17 is the same. I cried today too she was so selfish and horrible.

sorry you are going through this xx

Original poster
KeepingUpWithTheKs · 14/03/2023 22:49

Thank you so much, I’ve calmed down a bit now and checked on him and he’s asleep. I’m going to sleep like a baby tonight I recon!

it’s the most awful thing and the worst bit is he’s so manipulative and gaslighting and I’m terrified he’s going to grow up like it. To put it into context, he will do something right in front of me e.g push his sister and I’ll pull him up on it and he will categorically deny doing it despite knowing I’ve watched him do it.

I don’t know how to correct his behaviour or how he’s even developed this behaviour in the first place

OP posts:
quietnightmare · 14/03/2023 22:52

I used to be horrible as a teen to my mum did all the above and now I ring her 1000000000 million times a day, talk to her about all sorts, see her at least once a week and generally ask her advice on everything to be honest she's probably sick of me

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 14/03/2023 22:54

Yep
My dd age 17said tonight the only thing that makes her unhappy is me.

I know she doesn't mean it but it stings.

I love her but it's bloody hard at times.

pinkpotatoez · 15/03/2023 00:26

I remember being a difficult teen, now I couldn't be without my mum I speak to her everyday for at least an hour and value her opinion and advice more than anyone else's. It's hard right now but it won't be like this forever, try not to take it personally, you're his safe place so he will seem more difficult for you. Just make sure you discipline and tell him how his words make you feel, he will look back and regret it. It is very common but don't allow him to walk all over you. Rather than shout, tell him how disappointed he makes you feel when he disrespects you, that always resonated with me, he values you more than you think. You've got this!Flowers

FebName · 15/03/2023 00:32

Workinghardeveryday · 14/03/2023 22:46

My dd17 is the same. I cried today too she was so selfish and horrible.

sorry you are going through this xx

Word to word what I was gonna post. Day dreaming about telling her to fuck off and go live with her dad.

Bonelly · 15/03/2023 17:50

Yes

Workinghardeveryday · 15/03/2023 20:20

FebName · 15/03/2023 00:32

Word to word what I was gonna post. Day dreaming about telling her to fuck off and go live with her dad.

Show quote history

You and me both.

I mean, I was a little shit but at 14. At 17 I had grown out of it!!

Hope you have had a better day x

polkapolkadot · 15/03/2023 20:23

My DD is the same. Makes life hard and I often feels sad and upset about her. She gaslights me too - however I have started calling her out on it.

It makes me worry about our future,l relationship, as I find it so difficult to let go her attitude and how horrible she is to me.

I hear you OP, you're not alone ❤️

resipsa · 15/03/2023 20:26

polkapolkadot · 15/03/2023 20:23

My DD is the same. Makes life hard and I often feels sad and upset about her. She gaslights me too - however I have started calling her out on it.

It makes me worry about our future,l relationship, as I find it so difficult to let go her attitude and how horrible she is to me.

I hear you OP, you're not alone ❤️

Me too ☹️. Tortured myself over the weekend looking at videos of her as a younger child. No idea where she's gone.

frazzle66 · 15/03/2023 20:35

My dd is 15, and is exactly the same manipulative and gaslights me too.
Never takes accountability for her own actions.
It's always everyone else's fault.
Being a parent is sooooo hard. I'm on my Own with her and 2 ds.
Hope you're ok. X

Goinggoinggone1 · 16/03/2023 14:52

It's so hard isn't it. Mine is 13 and changed drastically the past few months. He has HF Autism with a tendency to be a little direct but has always been polite and considerate. I felt closest to him out of all the DC as he understood me without me even saying anything. Now he's so rude (mainly to me), answers back, patronising and very stroppy. I'm nagging if I tell him to get off the PlayStation or his phone. I'm showing unfairness if I tell him to stop bullying his brother. I'm nosey if I show any interest in his life. I'm too stupid to understand his homework.

I love him but don't really like him right now. I want my lovely, gentle son back.

DewinDwl · 16/03/2023 15:00

Joining the club! DD is 12 -I expected rudeness, hormones and moods but not the bare-faced lies, gaslighting and manipulation.

Zara82 · 17/03/2023 08:57

Dropped her off at school as per with her brother.

Said bye. She literally slammed the door and stormed off. I drove off an cried.

Can't deal with this.

Il

theblackradiator · 28/03/2023 00:31

Can I join this thread, teen dd here and god it's bloody hard having a teen, like another poster said I find myself watching old videos and looking at photos of her when she was little and it breaks my heart I want that version of her back. I also worry about our future and cannot see us having the same close mother daughter relationship as I had with my mum. the sad thing is is that I don't feel too bothered about it to be honest as I don't actually like her very much the way she is a lot of the time. We have zero in common other than the fact we are mother&daughter I have friends that have wonderful relationships with their teen dds which I feel very jealous of. hope she improves as she grows up and passes this terrible teen phase.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 28/03/2023 08:52

@theblackradiator

I was very irritated by my mum as a late teen and I remember it well. We are fine now and go away together occasionally.

I see myself doing this to my dd too so I've tried to step back and it has helped a lot.

polkapolkadot · 28/03/2023 15:14

theblackradiator · 28/03/2023 00:31

Can I join this thread, teen dd here and god it's bloody hard having a teen, like another poster said I find myself watching old videos and looking at photos of her when she was little and it breaks my heart I want that version of her back. I also worry about our future and cannot see us having the same close mother daughter relationship as I had with my mum. the sad thing is is that I don't feel too bothered about it to be honest as I don't actually like her very much the way she is a lot of the time. We have zero in common other than the fact we are mother&daughter I have friends that have wonderful relationships with their teen dds which I feel very jealous of. hope she improves as she grows up and passes this terrible teen phase.

Sorry to hear you're going through the same thing.

It's awful isn't it, when it makes you worry about your long term relationship with them 😞

legogal1 · 30/03/2023 00:08

Hi first post here but feeling so low because of the really horrible comments on a daily basis from my 16 year old ds, today is one of the worst yet (there are so many) but I am separated 1 year now and my son said tonight yes it's because you have aged like a pumpkin your not exactly aging like fine wine (actually his behaviour is one of the reasons we separated) no wonder dad left you : (

Wedoronron · 30/03/2023 00:20

I'm on teen number 4.
I promise you it gets better. Try best as you can to ignore the rudeness but calmly say you are disappointed with it
The times they are nice take it. Drop whatever you are doing and listen/talk. Try and find some common ground. A TV show, a boring pc game, music, watching sport together, whatever it is they are into try and be interested.
Roll your eyes behind their backs and flick the Vs when they are being little shits.
Remember that they are feeling sooooo insecure they can't lash out at anyone than you because they know you love them. It's a weird sort of privilege.
If they cross the line (swearing at you, violence, etc) go ape shit and make them lose a privilege and STICK to it for at least a week in a really boring manner.
Try not to engage in their arguments. Say what is happening and don't argue. However if you do realise they are right back down and apologize.

Goinggoinggone1 · 08/04/2023 01:22

What I've learnt recently (the hard way) is not to have an opinion. On anything. Just to smile and nod on the rare occasion he shares anything. If I dare to suggest he may be wrong or have an alternative opinion I should prepare for an onslaught of shitty comments my way.

Eg. He told me about a chicken shop opened recently near his school. Many kids have started going in frequently after school ends and eating that rubbish . I told him it's fine on the rare occasion but it's not healthy and considering what most have in their packed lunches they aren't eating very healthy at all during the day. He rolled his eyes and snapped at me that I have to always start. Why do I always do this and why does he even bother telling me anything.

FFS!!

unkownone · 08/04/2023 01:46

My youngest teen makes me sit in therapy with her because she’s too scared to go alone. I have to listen to how she thinks she really wants to kill me, she thinks she doesn’t love me etc. she won’t and does just anxieties and autism but gee it makes me feel fantastic seeing we do everything for her and she’s from a loving home. She’s short tempered, speaks terrible to me til she gets food in her and loves a debate. Many tears over that child and my super loving almost 18 year old who I had to deal with self harming and an eating disorder. I didn’t realise all of the challenges we’d get with teenagers. Many mornings sobbing in the shower so no one could tell.

Exhibity · 08/04/2023 02:25

My daughter is in her 20's now but was so awful as a teen that I had a mental breakdown and ended up in hospital.
I posted about it all on MN , especially the night I spent sitting in a McDonalds because I couldn't face going home.
I do feel for you, some teens are so difficult xx

DoSitUpForAChat · 08/04/2023 02:46

Teens can be little shits.

You need to step up here. He isn't your friend, you don't need to maintain a friendship, you need to be the bad cop.

KitKatLove · 08/04/2023 06:56

Has he had counselling for the precocious puberty?