Does your teen make you cry?

[KeepingUpWithTheKs]

Currently sat in bed sobbing like a baby
technically not a teen but my 11 year old began puberty aged 8 so he may as well be one emotionally.
he has 0 respect for me, talks down to me, shouts over me, has an answer for everything, winds his little sister up, ignores everything I say then cries when he gets into trouble saying he hates his life and how I favour his 5 year old sister. He tries to parent her almost and always gets involved when I’m disciplining her shouting over me and ignoring me.

I’m a solo parent and honestly I am so so so drained. I feel like a diabolical parent for having raised him to be so dismissive of me as a mum and as a human. I cry for the insanely close bond we had previously where he adored me and I adored him. I cry with the jealousy of seeing other 11 year olds being polite, kind and rolling their eyes but doing what their told and I cry for the pitying looks I get when people hear him talking to me the way he does.

I just don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to fix it and it’s killing me inside.

It sounds hard. One of mine was quite tricky as a teen and I used to worry about the behaviour and what this could mean for the future. But I wish now I'd focused more on empathy and accepting they were feeling rubbish too . They are no trouble now as a young adult but he is emotionally distanced and doesn't communicate much. I wonder if I could've done more to understand from his view point buy who knows if it would've been better. Try not to take it personally.

My DD 10 is the same.

All ok till I say no and then all hell let's loose.

• swearing
• she hates me
• I'm worst mother ever
• screams
• kicks
• impatient
• sarcastic
• doesnt listen or let you talk
• inflexible

Honestly don't know I how get through some days. Any attempts of having an outing are ruined by her temper. It's like a having a toddler.
I am exhausted by it all.

A short sharp shock might do him well. Could you send him to a camp over the summer?

You poor thing.
I would rather die than live through the 12 plus years again.

Used to yes. I think you toughen up but that initially change between your loving little child and the monstrous teenager they've become is heartbreaking!

People say it gets better.....mines 20 and this hasn't been the case yet!

I'm surprised so many parents are saying ignore it. I appreciate we all have different kids, and teens have hormones, but I still hold them to account for their words and actions. They don't get a free pass to talk to people like shit, I don't believe they will just snap out of it at 18 if they have no expectations on their behaviour along the way, and in the very least I refuse to be treated like a punching bag along the way.

No, absolutely not.

My ds14 has occasionally tried to be horrible to me over the years. I refuse to allow it. I'm not taking crap in my own home.

We get on pretty well but he knows if he refuses to stop playing computer games and do his homework, then the router goes off. And no pocket money. I ask him if he wants a snack and he doesn't say please or thank you, then no snack. Same with supper, if he's rude to me I don't make him any or it goes in the bin.

I'm his mum not his flippin' housekeeper.

I've always insisted on good manners - but I'm polite and considerate towards him in turn, so it works both ways.

You cannot allow anyone to bully you, including your children. You have to take control, remove aspects of their cushy life until they show some respect. In essence be more obstinate than them.

But it's much easier to do it from age two, so by the time they get to teens it's already ingrained and they know if they want to be treated well then they have to treat others equally well. Some teens can be little sods.