Needs of secondary aged children, my son is year 6 wondering if I should transfer to more local job.

[starpatch]

So I am a single parent my son is 10 years old in year 6.
He is not terribly mature and its clear he will want someone in the house after school for the next couple of years.
At the moment my mum does that and she really enjoys her time with her grandson.
However she is in her mid 70s as is my dad, and I am just conscious that things can change and that going forward I should be planning for managing without my mum's help.
So my query is about the needs of secondary aged children.
I have the opportunity to transfer to closer work, currently frequently work an hour away and wondering whether to go for it- but I like my current work and team and as a single mum that social contact and satisfaction in my work is important to me.
So just asking if you have teenagers how do they need you?
Would coming home at 6 once or twice a week, and asking them to lock up the house in the morning be a negative?
To be honest as I write that I feel like I should apply for the transfer.

Thanks Tattedear my son does have those sort of issues although he will just be glued to tech ( and not get any homework done) if no one here to stop him

Teenagers are very frustrating because you can go for days without them needing your input, then all of a sudden there's a crisis and they can't cope without you. I spent a lot of time hanging around waiting to be needed when they were that age. It was a bit boring, but they liked me being around when they needed me so that's what I did. I dare say they'd have managed if I'd had to go to work, though.

I think I'd consider the closer job - my DS is 12yo, and possibly slightly immature. He appreciates having a parent around, and it would worry me if no one was here.

My dc who struggles a bit also has ADHD and just overuses tech.
( I did work, I just worked part time and finished quite early. So dc didn't really notice I worked)
I was surprised by how much dc noticed my changing work hours, I would have said that they at 14 wouldn't have minded or noticed if I wasn't around but they definitely do.

Totally agree. I found minimal support was required at primary and more at secondary.

And the tech thing is a worry, naturally teens are going to want to use phones and games etc but it’s probably wise to keep a close eye as use of tech can creep up and up, and there are some very unhealthy things on the internet. If you can be present enough, despite having/wanting to work, you are doing your best to support your teen

My Y10 is fine to leave by herself and come home to an empty house as a one-off, but would be less happy (though completely able) to do it regularly. My Y7 can practically do it, but it worries her and she doesn’t like it, especially when its dark. If you can keep up with grandma being there most days for the start of Y7, I think it should work. You can then gradually wean it down as things naturally occur like after school clubs that he stays late for, or if he starts to play in a sports team that practices after school, or grandma can’t make one day a week. In fact, I would encourage him to get involved in after school stuff, for that and other reasons.

ds would have been fine going out and being home alone, but I remember a work colleague having constant problems with her ds not getting out his bed/sleeping through alarm/forgetting to lock door/just deciding not to go in/losing key etc.

I worked 7:00-15:45, was home before 5, and found it very handy to be home early to support ds when he was in the school years where he had to develop good study habits/routines. I know many will say they need to/can do this themselves but support getting the habit established and being able to keep an eye on how he was doing and guide him really did help.

It really depends on the flavour of the teen you get.

Thanks I think I have decided to ask for the transfer.

Ah that’s good. I first thought just carry on if grandma can help, but now you decided to ask for transfer, I’m thinking you will likely find it easier to support your DC if your work is closer to home. Less commuting,less petrol cost, less stress, more support for child. And if you get on well with colleagues in current location, there’s every reason to expect that you will enjoy the new team you join. Hope it works well for you

I would agree with your thinking in moving closer if possible. My DS had an anxiety related breakdown just as I was thinking he was enjoying new found independence. It's the unknown unknowns of the teenage years, it can be helpful to just be around to see what's actually happening, offer a cup of tea, rather than the practicalities of getting up etc. Secondary school years can be tough.

Thanks Jammieleedodger

DD is fine with being alone in the afternoon but not so on leaving on her own. How early do you need to leave the house? DD leaves at 7.30am as she likes to chat with friends before the form time starts.

6 isn't so late although the transfer to secondary and extra work load can be stressful and it will be reassuring to him to have you or grandma around. And as a pp mentioned, they need to be guided into study habits and such, they can't be expected to just know.
The mornings would be my concern, my 13 year old son is currently quite disorganised and needs to be reminded to leave the house on time, even if he's up and dressed he seems to get distracted or just kind of 'wander' around or realises he can't find his bus pass despite having it yesterday etc.

I think I will ask for the transfer- just letting myself process it as I do like my current team management style etc. I do this job 3 days a week, the leaving early is only about once a week, and the being home late about 2 days a week, it depends on what client visits I am asked to do. Just aware that even though it isn't every day, if I am not there when he needs me then that is a big deal. He has some behavioural issues so potentially needs me more than average- its very difficult getting him to do homework currently for example, and then he will demand to do it late at night or early in the morning because he left it to the last minute. I can imagine if the secondary is good and give them some guidance on this he may follow it and they do have a good reputation.