15yo son beat me up

[SmashedTable]

NOT IN UK

My 15yo's use of aggression has been escalating and now he has beaten me up.

I knew the day would come. I called police and they have taken him.

His dad and I are separated. Dad was very sweary, bad-tempered, door-slammy, throwing things, yanking children round.. basically terrifying them when they were little.

Both kids now teens and have little time for their dad, and my son has confided that he has a lot of anger around it.

However, during the past year, my boy has morphed from a happy, agreeable kid to a volatile and increasingly aggressive teen. He has grown a lot and works out so he is much taller and stronger than me now. He literally stands over me yelling and swearing when he doesn't get what he wants.

He beat me up after I confiscated some drugs I found in his room. I feel like it's the end. Police say he cannot be in the house anymore.

His dad is furious with me and has been screaming saying it's my fault that he beat me.

I am not badly hurt, just scrapes, cuts and bruises. He smashed a coffee table over me. If you have been through this, did it ever resolve or are you estranged?

And I agree with your decision.

The fact is that in spite of all your support to date his aggressive behaviour has escalated and not improved.

There is no point continuing down the same path and hoping to arrive at a different destination.

He cannot be trusted to live at home any longer.

He needs to experience the ramifications of his actions in the hope that it will be a catalyst for change - but that change can only come from his own desire to embrace it.

In the meantime you can continue to offer support (on your terms).

Talk about victim blaming!
She didn't "allow his abuse"

@RatedAce That post was completely uncalled for-until you have walked in the shoes of a parent who had to send a teen away for violence you are in no position to judge. At 15 my child with severe special needs secondary to a stroke in NiCU became violent due to puberty and had to be committed for 4 months to stabilize him and find a medication regime to follow at home to keep him calm and non violent. We spent hours and hours praying for him missing him worrying if we did the right thing and today he is stable there was nothing but love and devotion in his life from us sometimes life really sucks and you do the best you can-it sounds like the OP did well to get away from her evil ex husband. We shouldn't hate the son or the mother

@SmashedTable there is nothing more you can do for him. You did your best. He need professional help now if there is any hope at all for him to grow into a decent person.

Disengage. Don't talk to him again until he offers a genuine apology and if you choose to accept, make sure it is only talk. He doesn't get to come live with you ever again.

He could have killed you. As his mother you are choosing to believe the sweet little boy who grew up into a monster wouldn't do that but he has made all his own choices and he is choosing to be a dickhead like his pile of crap Dad.

Let the pros deal with him and ONLY if he engages with them and makes the effort to improve let him have access to you. Otherwise you will be the scapegoat for all his trauma no matter what you say or do, and it won't ever be enough until one day he puts a knife in you because Daddy said it was all your fault you couldn't be a happy family.

He is garbage and it is now up to him to choose to become someone better. At 15 he knew exactly what he was doing and that is was wrong. He KNEW and still did it because just like his Dad, he KNEW you wouldn't fight back.

Think on that. Step back and watch. See if he chooses to be good or like his Dad. You can't save him, only he can decided who he will become.

Hi OP, I'm sorry that happened, it must have been scary and also heart breaking to see your son like that.
I don't have any advice, just wanted to offer some sympathy and reassurance that you sound like an amazing and nurturing mum doing your best for him, both throughout his childhood and now.
I understand how abusive ex's can get into your mind and make you start doubting yourself but you should push that off; your ex wants him to stay with you because he wants to blame you and also minimise his own abusive behaviour, he doesn't want to admit (or anyone else to see) the damage he has caused your son.

You mentioned that your older child offered to have him and then called the police too? Was he violent or difficult there too?

@CactusPeach yes, he was violent to his big sister. She has been feeling very upset about it all. He went there full of woe and tales about how badly I had treated him which she believed... she gave him a wonderful day and late at night he turned on her, really frightened her. We spent the next evening together and she said she had one wish which was for me to get far away from both my son and ex (her dad).

Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it.

There has been no follow up from police or child services, we seem to have been lost in the system although I have now called several times.

@Feministwoman Thank you for defending me. I am ok, I can see that post for the victim-blaming nonsense it is, but for the sake of any other abused woman reading this thread I am so glad for your response.

@FartSock5000 I do not think of my son as a monster or garbage. He is a very sad, angry and mixed up kid. I agree that his behaviour has been reprehensible and my biggest wish is that he engages with some sort of support service. Time will tell. I think at 15 he is too young to be fully responsible for how his life is going...he needs a lot of support which he isn't getting. I am pretty much out of the picture now, his dad is worse than useless, and there isn't anyone else.

Op, you haven't updated in a while

How are you and how's things now?