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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

do you think i should get my dd13 a phone

77 replies

M1903625 · 11/02/2023 18:34

DD13 has never had her own iPhone, or any other phone for that matter. She hasn’t asked for one yet, but i think she would really like one. She’s probably starting to feel left out (not included on whatsapp etc) but I don’t think she is very mature enough. `she might lose it or break it or get messages from someone she doesn’t know. There are so may dangers out there i feel she is susceptible to. Does anyone have a happy no-phone teen? One girl in DDs year is sometimes verbally bullied for stuff including being old fashioned (not using phone or ipad/ using paper instead) I dont want this happening for my DD. ~She’s probably the odd one out. can’t message friends for meet ups or homework. I think she doesnt want to ask because she doesnt want to pressure me into buying her one - but everyone is so online / tiktok trends idk what to do?!

OP posts:

TheaBrandt · 12/02/2023 07:51

We used go Henry absolutely crap and maddening lots of glitches wouldn’t let me load it. Recently got her a proper bank account - such a relief so much easier. She is an out and about girl so cash wouldn’t work she’s always on the bus / in cafes /getting friends birthday presents etc

liveforsummer · 12/02/2023 07:55

TheaBrandt · 12/02/2023 07:51

Why wouldn't cash work for that? I can assure you it does 😆

TheaBrandt · 12/02/2023 08:01

Well it would work I guess but such a clunky pain I rarely use it myself - the buses are tap with your card - what does she do in London with buying tickets from machines etc? She would be the only one fiddling about with coins all her gang have cards. Plus she does work for me so I can pay her directly into her bank account

TheaBrandt · 12/02/2023 08:02

To be fair she’s never lost a card but cards so sophisticated now you can put a temporary stop on them anyway so safer than losing cash

RoseMartha · 12/02/2023 08:03

I think a 13 year old needs one. But I dont think kids need one before secondary school.

If you have an iphone you can set up parental controls with another iphone you dont have to buy her a new one a good working second hand one will be fine. My girls have second hand ones. You can block downloading of apps then if you want and set time limits.

I would have thought she needed one for school related reasons tbh.

Bank account wise you can set up something so that you can jointly manage it with her or keep an eye on it at any rate. Metro do one which we use.

It is important that you teach them now how to use the phones and manage SM. You might find she makes some silly choices but it is better she learns it when you can have some input and support her.

How does she manage her laptop time and use?

XelaM · 12/02/2023 08:03

liveforsummer · 12/02/2023 07:55

Why wouldn't cash work for that? I can assure you it does 😆

Show quote history

Cash doesn't work for tap-in-out on public transport (in London at least); cash is not accepted in many cafes/shops; cash doesn't allow you to order anything online.

liveforsummer · 12/02/2023 08:10

Dd has a bus pass for the bus, in London are Oyster cards no longer a thing? less of a problem to lose that than a contactless card - not come across a shop that doesn't take cash apart front the bubble tea stall and that's not a bad thing. £6 for a cup of liquid is extortionate 😅. At just turned 13 I'd prefer to know what she's ordering online anyway so happy to take the money and do it.

TheaBrandt · 12/02/2023 08:14

You can now pause contactless cards so if they temporarily lose it you can block it then unblock when it’s found under the bed. Dd 14 now and very independent she needs a card plus if she ever got into trouble she then has access to money to get a cab

TheaBrandt · 12/02/2023 08:15

When I go to London everyone uses their contactless cards no oyster anymore

rainbowstardrops · 12/02/2023 08:45

My two both had a phone when they started secondary school. Just so they could let me know if they were going to be late home etc.
I didn't allow them to have Facebook or anything until they were 13 because that was the age the platforms stated. Don't know if it's still the same now.
I made it clear that I would randomly check their phones and they didn't have them in their rooms after 9pm ish. I thought I was quite strict back then (but it was for their own good), so yes, I do think your DD should have a phone!

yourmileage · 12/02/2023 09:32

@TheaBrandt Oyster cards are still in use. My student DC has a railcard loaded on which gives cheaper fares. I use one too as I prefer to be able to keep an eye on mistakes in charging on it.

trythisforsize · 12/02/2023 09:34

When I was 13 I was on the phone to friends nearly every night on the landline. It I'd socially inhibiting if she has no means of contacting friends to make plans and chat

TheaBrandt · 12/02/2023 09:36

We only go occasionally so easier just to use our contactless than faff about with yet more cards!

imsureineverdo · 12/02/2023 09:39

I'd get her a phone and bank account. There are pros and cons to phones but don't hold her back socially. She needs to learn financial responsibility too.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 12/02/2023 09:40

Everyone gets a phone when they are 11 and go to big school. Get a bank account for pocket money too.

BooksAndHooks · 12/02/2023 09:41

I can’t imagine them going out and not having a phone. Plans change all the time. Sometimes my own plan change and I need to contact them to let them know.

m Mine have had to have a bank account with debit card from as soon as they started to go out independently. More and more places are cashless so they wouldn’t be able to go to the leisure centre, trampoline park, cinema, coffee shops etc without a bank card. Also we often add money to their card when they’re out if they decide to go to cinema or stay out to eat unexpectedly.

Without a phone I imagine there have been times she has missed out on going out simply because she hasn’t been on the text chats arranging it.

Mummyme87 · 12/02/2023 09:44

Does she not go out without you? Or how does she get to and from school? I would be worried she has no point of contact when out without an adult

louise5754 · 12/02/2023 10:30

As soon as dd nearly 13 started secondary school they were always calling at the shops / park / McDonald's. I track her constantly. No way would I let her out without her phone.

OnaBegonia · 12/02/2023 10:45

@Dacadactyl
No TikTok or Snapchat allowed, even now she is 16 (learnt this one on the go and put this rule in after I saw a few things on those apps I wasn't happy with
I have full access to the phone and checked it every day (less so now she is older and I know she uses it appropriately
that's very controlling, your DD16 is allowed some privacy, our DC need to learn how make decision and yes they'll make an arse of things but we can't control them.

redskydelight · 12/02/2023 12:00

M1903625 · 11/02/2023 19:01

No my DD doesn’t take a bus to school. Contact is usually through my phone or email. I think I will have a chat with her later about this.

How did your chat go?

I do think it's seriously odd that DD's friends can't talk to her without going through you - yes there are scary people out there, but you need to give her some level of freedom at some point.

AliceMcK · 12/02/2023 12:10

DD 10 has a phone, most of her class got them around 8 but we have only just got her one recently. She starts high school this year and will be getting the bus. We wanted her to get use to having a phone and responsibility of having one. So far she’s been very responsible with it. We have also been giving her a bit of freedom, walking home from school, the phone gives us peace of mind as we can track her on it.

liveforsummer · 12/02/2023 18:52

TheaBrandt · 12/02/2023 09:36

We only go occasionally so easier just to use our contactless than faff about with yet more cards!

Maybe easier in a way but doesn't mean bank cards are needed as a pp suggested. Bus trace is free here under 22 so you need a separate card to access that anyway. No harm to add one more for an occasional visit to London. I like in a major city and honestly haven't experienced all the paces listed that don't accept cash

liveforsummer · 12/02/2023 18:52

*bus travel

Euchariahere · 12/02/2023 18:54

You are clear in that you dont think she is ready for one. So it's strange that you should then be posing the question of whether you should get her one.

teamonster34 · 12/02/2023 20:22

my son is 14 and a boy at his school in his yr (yr 10) is very against technology. He plays a lot of football and cricket so has no time for social media. He is one of the popular boys but seems to have this idea that phones are bad for your health and he has never had one. He has an ipad where he relies on e mail for communication.

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