Overwieght

54 replies

Estherpologist · 09/02/2023 17:54

How do get a teen to care about being significantly overweight without getting accused of "fat-shaming"?

OP posts:

PritiPatelsMaker · 12/02/2023 09:11

I've not read the full thread but have just read your update.

Your DD does sound incredibly unhappy and could she be depressed?

If she's having trouble with friendship groups, is reluctant to exercise and us defensive, is there a chance she could have ASD?

Margot777 · 13/02/2023 02:33

dontholdback1 · 10/02/2023 07:52

It's not that simple though, is it? My DD is 12 and has started to gain weight significantly since she's started going out a bit on her own with friends and round to friends houses. I don't buy junk food, there's only healthy stuff in at home so she eats healthily at home. However, I can't control what she eats the rest of the time at friends' houses and spending her pocket money on sweets and sugary drinks. The OP is right, it's about getting them to think about it themselves and to start to consider nutrition in healthy terms now in preparation for adulthood. I talk a lot about healthy nutrition for feeling good and being healthy, not in relation to weight. It's not working though.

I tend to find that when eating has been restricted once left to their own devices they will go the other way as it’s all new!
whereas ones who have a mixture of food don’t tend to go overboard as much.

as a person who was severely restricted as a child and used to binge eat soend my life dieting etc (got told at 10 I was too fat to ever get a boyfriend) I would save your child a life time full of heartache and promote body positivity, take the focus away from food and into feeling good ie exercise, nice clothes, spa day, massage hair and make up etc anything that makes them feel good.
keep them busy make food guilt free

iv been really relaxed about food not making a big deal about ‘junk food’ save ro limit it due to it being bad for your teeth. Alway told my daughter to stop when full and enjoy her food. My daughter is very body positive and does has a healthy attitude towards food. She doesn’t over eat as she knows she can have something later food is never going to run out. She has a friend who has really suffered with eating disorders and her mum is always restricting she goes to town and bing eats

equally have a friend who would never allow her 2 sugar as children she would take sweets out of party bags and remove cake. Her ds would often be found sneaking food under a table and she would tell him off like you would a dog. He is now quite significantly over weight the other is very underweight and won’t eat!

ita hard (I say this as a fat person who has to go’s all my life and still have very disordered eating, lost the beet years of my life as I was ‘too fat’ ) but I would take the focus off food/weight and put focus on feeling good, livinb life abs being positive about her body. Shaming and restriction leads ro eating disorders xxx

BettyBoo123456 · 13/02/2023 08:45

Estherpologist · 10/02/2023 15:59

Just a note for the parent-shamers:

Both I and my stbx are a good weight and both do on average 3 sessions of fitness or sport every week. There are rarely ready meals in the house (and DD doesnt like those), not a lot of cake or biscuits, only occasional crisps and sugary drinks, takeaways are no more than once a week and pizza is always home made, and we buy only the most middle-class chocolate. The only member of family who is notably over weight she only sees a couple of times a year, and no one around her is a fitness evangelist. You couldn't model a much more balanced eating and exercise life.

Our daughter did various sports, week in week out for years (and yes, I stood in muddy fields freezing my **ts off cheering her on and supporting her) until she realised that, if she said No, we can't make her do it. She now refuses to get out of bed and go to school on time on the day she has PE first thing. She also used to cycle to school.

Then she changed school, covid happened and she became socially isolated. So she spends all her modest pocket money on books and junk food. Mostly junk food, because she's read half of two libraries.

She has very few friends and has fallen out with most of her friendship groups. This has undoubtedly been a contributary factor. So she comfort eats or bakes as a coping strategy.

When I try to talk to her about it, she turns all Kevin & Perry or blames me for fat-shaming, which is just her way of dismissing advice and taking the responsibility she wants to have.

So when you say you've never met an over weight kid who wasn't so because of their home environment, maybe you should meet my DD.

And yes, I know its my fault, and I beat myself up for it regularly. But I really don't know what else I could have done to be as perfect as some othe MNers.

I am sorry I don’t have any answers OP and I also have a teen DD in a similar boat (friendship issues, preference for junk food) but she has a part time job and has now just turned 18. It is far from easy to help with this and it like walking a tight rope.

My DD was naturally slim and used to do some sports but not lots (these have faded out and nothing has replaced them) and did a lot of walking. My DD was bullied around year 8 (which I think was a turning point). Her diet is appalling and extremely restrictive (no meat, no fish and no fruit unless its in a smoothie). She refuses to eat what we eat and mealtimes turned into a battleground. Her dress/clothes size has gone up and up.

Could your DD maybe have hormonal or thyroid issues?

Papershade5 · 27/02/2023 21:54

Really agree about being able to predict, there were kids at primary with my son who looked tall and chunky at 4, they should be skinny at that age. Likewise we walked to a lot of places when our kids were young, took them to sports and swimming so at least when they became teenagers they had the basis of healthy habits. This has kind of worked as none are overweight now as young adults.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread