Mixed sleepovers for 12/13 yrs olds

[DesperateDad]

Where do you begin.. our daughter will be 13 in a few weeks and wants to have (and go to) mixed sleepovers.

Although we would rather not.. hosting one is less of a problem for obvious reasons.

Because our daughter has to travel to the local town for school (where there are at least 4 or 5 other schools) she is meeting many children who we know nothing about. We only just found out about a boyfriend (of 8 weeks) who is having a birthday sleepover. Not knowing him or his family makes us enclined to decline.

We dont want to be control freaks but think if we let go now it sets a precedent for later.

It doesnt help that the boys all seem to look like chavs... and of course the last thing you want to do is offend someone other parents by saying she cant go.

This is very new ground for us and we're not coping very well at present. We'd be interested to know what other parents feel who are (or have been) in the same position.

[hercyulelog]

When I hear what kids this age get up to with and without their parents knowing it makes me never want to let my kids out of the house.
Mixed sleepovers - a big NO NO!

At that age I was telling my parents I was staying at friends house, she told her parents she was at mine too. We had great fun doing things we shouldnt as both parents thought they knew where we were. We were actually miles away.

We were seen to be really good and trustworthy as well.
To be honest we just wanted the freedom and didnt do anything awful although awful things could have happened to us.

[fostermum]

thats very true some time its better to fight the devil you know then the devil you dont.i also got up to things my parents couldnt even guess at,when supposed to be some where else.id rather have them under my roof and patrol the rooms like a prison warder and know what was or more to the point wasnt going on,

[kernowcat]

I was going to post about this subject as my 11yr old DS has come home asking for a mixed sleepover. My reply, you can have friends to stay but the girls have to go home at 11pm. Hes gone out now with his mates and I'm the meanest mum in the world!
Oh well you've all made me feel much better thanks.

[AEROBICS]

my 14 year old dd and 16 yr old ds have gone to so many sleepovers i lose count. my dd went to a mixed sleepover and did convince me that she was just friends with the host. that was last summer. all was ok. wasnt that happy bout it at the time, but sometimes with teenagers you just have to give in in the end to escape the endless demands and nagging from them and just pray and hope for the best. i feel you cannot tie them down with a ball and chain.

[pinotgrigio]

I'd let 13 year old DSS go to a mixed sleepover. Actually, prob not, the girls would eat him alive and teach him things he's too sweet to know about. DD, no way, no chance, not ever if I have my way. .

[tangomum]

my 14 year old has been to mixed sleepovers for the last year. Personally i am more worried about alcohol than sex. I always phone up to check that the parents will be there and to find out about sleeping arrangements. It seems to me that they are much better at having mixed friendships than we were and i am confident that very little goes on. I an lucky that ds talks to me and i have questioned him about his peers attitude to sex. With 1 or 2 exceptions none of them are sexually active. I like my son's friends. Encourage your daughter to have her friends around more often so that you can judge how they relate to each other. The mixed sleepover we had here was very tame. Probably because I kept the numbers down and put my foot down about alcohol. Eventually you just have to go on gut instinct. Perhaps you could start by letting her go to someone who's parents you know and trust.