Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Using a secret phone and has extra money

56 replies

CottonPyjamas · 30/01/2023 16:20

This is a long one but there's a summary at the bottom.

My teen son has never really given me any cause for concern before. He's mostly well-mannered, does chores around the house, is doing well at school and his clubs, and this gets commented on by other adults.

I've noticed over the last year that he's been buying sweets, and then at Christmas he bought his girlfriend a gift. However, all his pocket money goes into GoHenry so I should be able to see where and when he spends it. None of these transactions have come up, and he claims to find loose change at school, or his friends have given him sweets. The quantity doesn't seem to add up though. He's not particularly careful about hiding rubbish in his bin.

Last night, I went to retrieve my phone charger from him and found him on his laptop quite late at night. He's doing mock exams at the moment so was told to turn off and get to sleep. He's been complaining about being tired lately so this is probably why. About midnight, his nursery aged sister was up and while putting her back in bed I saw a glow from the crack of his door. He was on his phone. I didn't need to say much, just held my hand out and took it to my room for the night, then spoke to him this morning about sleep especially with exams.

While he was at school, I heard an alarm/ring tone I didn't recognise and followed the sound to his room. It stopped before I could find what it was and turn it off. However, I saw his phone sticking out from an often used shoe. He'd never go to school without the phone! I picked it up and it said No Sim Card, but had the current background of him and his girlfriend and was almost fully charged. I decided to message him, and actually got a reply, so his sim card is in another device. When he came in from school, he obviously had a phone on him and it had the same background. So he's using two phones.

On his shelf was also a permission slip that he said he'd handed in to one of his clubs with payment (from his own money). When he came in I asked if he'd handed it in Friday and he said yes. So he's also lied directly too me.

I'm concerned. Money, lying and using an extra phone aren't good signs, but I'm trying not to get ahead of myself and want to get to the bottom of this without him feeling alienated. Especially if there are problems.

Does anyone have any advice, please?

TLDR: my teen son is generally a really good kid, but he's had extra money that makes me suspicious, lied about handing a form and payment in to a club, and today I found a second phone in use that he appears to be swapping sim cards in and out of.

OP posts:
SchoolNightWine · 31/01/2023 15:44

I haven't rtft so apologies if this has already been suggested.
He's not doing homework for others for payment in money or sweets is he? This went on with my DS and his friendship group for a little while aged around 15.

Quveas · 31/01/2023 15:49

Alternatively, and it may be cold comfort if true, but could he be involved in bullying? Sweets and smaller amounts of money are typical gains from bullying.

CottonPyjamas · 31/01/2023 16:59

I've emailed the guidance teacher at his school today. I only happened to be chatting with his deputy head a couple of weeks ago as my second child is transitioning to secondary school this year, and she was telling me how well he's doing.

In response to some of the messages:

I'd like to think I'm not a smothering mother. I've tried to walk the line between giving him too much freedom and mollycoddling him.

Having GoHenry still was simply complacency. It was set up a while ago for him and his brother and hadn't been changed.

I'd like to think we have a reasonably open relationship. He's approached me in the past to say he'd broken up with an older girlfriend because she thought they'd be having sex in the near future and he didn't want to. Obviously, he doesn't tell me everything.

OP posts:
MyOldCaravan · 31/01/2023 17:09

I had a friend who used to like to give me presents - turned out she was stealing stuff. Most of it was stuff she didn't even want, so often stole things she knew I'd like. Obviously I didn't accept them once I found out.
Could it be something like this?

kafkascastle · 31/01/2023 17:11

Regarding the sweets and Lego set, I’d be thinking shoplifting if you have ruled out county lines or anything more sinister. Might be worth having a chat with him about the implications of that and see what comes up.

Cocolapew · 31/01/2023 17:20

I was thinking shoplifting too.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread