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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable - ref DD and plans tonight

62 replies

Rollergirl11 · 28/01/2023 14:04

So DD (just shy of 17) had some friends round last night and it was a drunken affair. DH and I went out so they could have the house to themselves. They left around midnight. DD has felt really ropey and hungover this morning resulting in her vomiting twice and not being able to eat anything. She’s managed to keep a bit of toast down.

She now has a 7 hour shift at work that I’m not even sure she’s going to make it through. She had existing plans to go straight to her boyfriends when she finishes work tonight which is what they do every Saturday alternating between his and ours(they work together). I have said that she can no longer do that as she needs a quiet night tonight now. She asked if he could come to ours instead and I said no to that also as she has literally just had friends over last night (including bf also for an hour after he finished work) and I want the house to ourselves tonight. And also she’s just vomited twice!! I have said that it’s just one night and she should just come home after work and have an early night. Boyfriend was over at ours on Tuesday and Thursday night too so it’s not like she hasn’t seen him all week.

DD has gone nuts saying I’m a bitch and it’s like I’m punishing her and that she will be fine later so why can’t he just come over, that he’s changed his shift just so he can see her (he hasn’t, they do the same shift every week), that they won’t be doing anything and they’ll just be chilling.

I know for a fact that if she was seeing friends tonight she would bale because she feels rough but because it’s him she can’t think logically. Now I’m the villain as I’m stopping her from seeing him. The fact that we facilitated her having a gathering with friends last night stands for nothing. Now I feel like I need to hold fast purely on principle. It’s just one night fgs.

WWYD??!

OP posts:

LadyKenya · 28/01/2023 15:28

parrotonmyshoulder · 28/01/2023 14:31

I think the bit where she called you a bitch is the part that needs thinking about!

This. How is that ok?

Iamblossom · 28/01/2023 15:29

The second any child of mine called me a bitch they can expect to be able to do exactly fuck all if they live in my house.

Swimswam · 28/01/2023 15:29

It’s completely unacceptable that she called you a bitch. That needs an apology

rolc · 28/01/2023 15:29

YABU. I would let her go.

ChicCroissant · 28/01/2023 15:31

Do you not like the BF, OP? Because it seems odd that it's fine for her to spend time with her friends/go to work but you think she shouldn't see the BF.

Also agree with the others that the name-calling requires an apology!

Ponderingwindow · 28/01/2023 15:32

You are sending her very mixed signals. Clearing out so she and her friends can use the house to get drunk one night and acting like she is at an age where you have a say in if she needs a rest the next. It is no wonder she is upset with you given the radical shifts in parenting.

you need to decide what kind of parent you want to be for your 17 year old. The best choice depends on your own beliefs and on what kind of parent she needs you to be. Whatever role you choose, consistency is important.

Original poster

Rollergirl11 · 28/01/2023 15:37

Do you not like the BF, OP? Because it seems odd that it's fine for her to spend time with her friends/go to work but you think she shouldn't see the BF.

It’s really not about the BF. He was here last night along with her friends. I would have been the same if she was seeing friends tonight.

OP posts:

Bpdqueen · 28/01/2023 15:39

Yabu it's her life let her do what she wants you can't tell a nearly 17 year what they can and can't do she's not 12

Original poster

Rollergirl11 · 28/01/2023 15:45

Ponderingwindow · 28/01/2023 15:32

Yes I can see that they are at odds. Having said that she is still at an age where we have a say but I agree that in this instance it was mixed up. I guess me with my adult head was looking at her being sick and weighing up whether she could go in to work or not and not understanding why she would still be so determined and focused on carrying on with her plans afterwards regardless.

OP posts:

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 28/01/2023 15:48

Let her go to her boyfriends and if she vomits all over his house I'm sure his mum will phone you!!
It's ridiculous trying to police her tho if you let her drink in your house she will think that is ok she's getting very mixed messages

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 28/01/2023 15:50

WWYD??!

I wouldn't have done anything. She's 17, not 37, I'm sure she can manage two nights in a row.

I know I used to be able to go to school on Friday, work in a shop after, go home, get changed, go out all night, go to work Saturday morning, work all day, go home, get changed, go out all night, go to work, home and change then out til the pub shut at 10.30, home, bed then back to school on Monday. Still went out in the evenings during the week, Monday was student and disco night at the local club, Wednesdays were another theme, before doing it all again.

Now I ask myself whether a couple of glasses of wine is worth it.

Let her be young ffs.

AnotherSpare · 28/01/2023 15:58

If she can work through her shift then I would think she is fine to visit her boyfriend.

I would be concerned about her weekly drinking though, that's not a healthy approach to socialising.
Also, what is her job, if it's this evening I'm guessing waitressing? I would not want to be served food by someone who was sweating out a hangover, yuk. Perhaps speak to her about not getting plastered when she is due to work afterwards.

And I absolutely would not tolerate her calling me a bitch, you certainly need to address that regardless of whether it happens rarely or not. Entirely unacceptable.

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