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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Feeling broken. School Avoidant Teens.

84 replies

PositiveVibesOnlyPls · 23/01/2023 16:37

I need some positive stories. My heart is broken for my autistic young teen; he’s been out of school for over a year and has today broken down because he wants so badly to go back to school but he can’t overcome his fears. (We are slowly getting support, he has an EHCP).

Severe anxiety has robbed him of friendships and of a good education and of the ability to go to youth groups. I’m his only friend.

I’ve held it together but today, I am angry and devastated for my lovely boy.

Has anyone had a school avoidant child who has become happy and made friends?

__I have tried everything to help him but he can not get passed his anxiety. Please be kind Sad.

OP posts:
letsgetbackto2019 · 02/03/2023 09:54

hiredandsqueak · 23/01/2023 21:59

If you are looking for an Educational Law Firm I can recommend HCB solicitors. I've used them to force an Annual Review and other general unlawful behaviour by our LA/school.

FYI I got a refusal to issue overturned the day after they submitted my appeal.

cornflakegeneration · 02/03/2023 10:55

HeidiWhole · 02/03/2023 09:12

I have just shared this on the autism thread...this is a long but incredibly informative read particularly if you have a DC or particularly a DD who quite suddenly started refusing school (as I did) I hope schools have received it as the advice for them is brilliant but whether they act on it is another matter.

autisticgirlsnetwork.org/keeping-it-all-inside/

Thank you for sharing this.

I think it's great that autistic presentation in girls is finally being recognised.

However, I really need to point out that my ds presents EXACTLY like this, so boys can also have an internal presentation. It's led to him being "missed" for many years.

I don't think this "internal presentation" in boys is spoken about enough.

cornflakegeneration · 02/03/2023 10:55

HeidiWhole · 02/03/2023 09:12

I have just shared this on the autism thread...this is a long but incredibly informative read particularly if you have a DC or particularly a DD who quite suddenly started refusing school (as I did) I hope schools have received it as the advice for them is brilliant but whether they act on it is another matter.

autisticgirlsnetwork.org/keeping-it-all-inside/

Can you also link to the autism thread please - keen to join in the conversation 😊

lifeturnsonadime · 02/03/2023 10:56

cornflakegeneration · 02/03/2023 10:55

Thank you for sharing this.

I think it's great that autistic presentation in girls is finally being recognised.

However, I really need to point out that my ds presents EXACTLY like this, so boys can also have an internal presentation. It's led to him being "missed" for many years.

I don't think this "internal presentation" in boys is spoken about enough.

Show quote history

Agree it's a generalisation.

My son has more of a girls presentation than my daughter does. Both diagnosed.

fridascruffs · 02/03/2023 11:03

I used to work in a PRU. We had one boy, atypical for us really as the issue wasn;t behavioural/ difficult upbringing, he just had an undiagnosed condition. he hadnt been to school for 2 or 3 years when he came to us (exclusion) and his poor mother was at her wit's end. The PRU teachers were brilliant and drew him out slowly, 1:1 teaching, he ended up doing pretty well and last I heard was making a really good income off online stuff. His mother loved us. I wish there were more schools like that.

On another tack, look up christian lewis on FB. He's just published a book. It's not a prescription of what to do, just a story of hope for severe anxiety.

HeidiWhole · 02/03/2023 11:08

The White Paper I linked to earlier is specifically about girls who have this particular presentation and get missed rather than a generalisation of autism.
I absolutely take the point that boys can present in the same way as I have an autistic son who does exactly that and was late diagnosed.
But the lack of diagnosis in girls ((as well as misdiagnosis of MH issues) makes this an important paper in my view.

Vegrocks · 02/03/2023 11:09

What does he do all day op?
what time does he get up and go to bed?
is he alone in the house?

lifeturnsonadime · 02/03/2023 11:32

HeidiWhole · 02/03/2023 11:08

The White Paper I linked to earlier is specifically about girls who have this particular presentation and get missed rather than a generalisation of autism.
I absolutely take the point that boys can present in the same way as I have an autistic son who does exactly that and was late diagnosed.
But the lack of diagnosis in girls ((as well as misdiagnosis of MH issues) makes this an important paper in my view.

Definitely. Not disputing that at all.

EdwardTeachBornOnABeach · 04/03/2023 09:36

@JustKeepBuilding @PutYourBackIntoit @lifeturnsonadime
sorry I haven’t had a chance to properly look at anything on the thread yet (bit chaotic at home
right now). Thanks for responding - I will read everything at some point today

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