Feeling broken. School Avoidant Teens.

[PositiveVibesOnlyPls]

I need some positive stories. My heart is broken for my autistic young teen; he’s been out of school for over a year and has today broken down because he wants so badly to go back to school but he can’t overcome his fears. (We are slowly getting support, he has an EHCP).

Severe anxiety has robbed him of friendships and of a good education and of the ability to go to youth groups. I’m his only friend.

I’ve held it together but today, I am angry and devastated for my lovely boy.

Has anyone had a school avoidant child who has become happy and made friends?

__I have tried everything to help him but he can not get passed his anxiety. Please be kind .

Yes, my friend's son. Couldn't really manage the last couple of years at secondary- eventually it was agreed that he could attend local PRU in a class with just him and one other, but even that was too much for him. First year at local college for BTec course didn't go so well, he dropped out, but then got part-time job, gained confidence, signed back up to college the following September. Just passed his driving test, doing okay now in second year of college. Just had a difficult time between 14 and 17 really. I hope yours finds his feet too.

Not my child but myself, I was a school refuser as was known. I left school at 13 and for years my Mum was my only friend. Until I joined a school refusers club. In my adult years I have lots of friends and never think about the time I didn’t have friends.

@PositiveVibesOnlyPls Ive been exactly where you are and my ds is now back at school. He’s at a Studio school and doing really well. we still have tricky days and he is on medication for his anxiety plus has an ehcp now.

He was out of school from yr7 to yr10. In that time I had to fight with his school to get his absence recorded as medical and for them to refer him for HERS (hospital education reintegration) as it was known in our area. The name can differ depending where you are. He had tutors for maths, English and science. As a previous poster said the LA have to provide this if a child is out of school for 15 days. Your LA will have info on this on their website. If you want to dm me I can go over what I did.

Don’t take him off roll, they encourage that for their own benefit not yours plus if you do get approved for tutors it comes out of the school budget and of course they don’t want to pay for that!

It was a very tough time and a combination of the right support, an element of boredom and growing up a bit more have really helped.

This is so reassuring - thank you so much for sharing.

Have anyone's children tried ADs, to help cope with school anxiety?

Just to mention that some of the revision guides can be helpful, from eg amazon.

I don't think they prescribe antidepressants for under 18's unless there are very severe problems, and then it would only be through CAMHS/psychiatrist

My 15 year old was prescribed them by the GP. Cahms were not involved. We’d had months of school refusal and a police incident before hand though

it has not really helped with the school avoidance but she is much happier and nicer to be around at home

My 15 year old was prescribed them by the GP. Cahms were not involved. We’d had months of school refusal and a police incident before hand though

I’m amazed at this. Gp’s are not allowed to prescribe for under 18’s.

Naomi Fisher on twitter specialises in this exact area and is extremely helpful and reassuring. She is firmly on the side of the student and their families and does webinars to help support the student going through it. Worth a look.

It is unusual for GPs to initiate antidepressants in children and young people because the NICE guidelines state they should only be prescribed following assessment and diagnosis by a child and adolescent psychiatrist and in conjunction with therapies rather than instead of therapies.

I don’t have experience of school avoidance but have an a teen with autism that struggles socially so I understand the heartbreak of the loneliness.
Theres a group that’s Irish based ( we’re Irish) called AsIam. It’s an autism support group that does a lot of online things for various ages including online D and D, Mario Kart, lunchtime online hang out or meet up type things that is geared for kids that are not in the position to manage face to face friendships but gives them a forum to engage. There’s quite a range of activities so might be worth a look.
Have a look on Instagram, you’ll get the email address there for the person that runs it if you need further info.

This is a reassuring thread.

We've been there OP, and I never thought I'd see the day my child went to school full time, but she is now. It was all about finding the right environment but we were fortunate that she was able to tell us exactly what she needed and miraculous that we found it and is now funded by her ehcp.
I now know she really needed those 2 years at home, no pressure at all, to reset. At the time it was totally heartbreaking.

We’re also in the 2nd year of this. DD goes to school and works with a TA and an emotional specialist but they want her back in lessons at least sometimes. She doesn’t want to go.
Shes also smart and home schooling would be a disaster for her.
Her relationships with her lovely friends suffers as they hardly see her and she has little interest in socialising. She won’t do any clubs outside of school. There’s talk of a local gaming club starting a teen group and she seems interested.
We are waiting for her EHCP to go through but not sure where we can go from here. School have been helpful and flexible but in the end they want her to go to a few lessons, not sure that will happen.

Educational Psychology did say to us sometimes things can change dramatically in college for the better.

Well it happened! He knows us well, and he knew we were at our wits end.

I should say I might have worded this wrongly.. my daughter was under CAHMs at the time, as in she was having online talking therapy twice a month for one hour. When I say CAHMs weren’t involved I mean I or my GP never discussed it with them. My daughter and I had a consultation with him and he prescribed the meds (citalopram) immediately. It’s worth speaking to your go directly if your child is really suffering. It’s not a miracle worker but the meds can help them engage more with their cbt if they are having counselling etc..plus eating and sleeping can improve. sadly my Dd is like many others on this thread and will leave school with just maths and English despite previously doing really well. I’m hoping for a fresh start for her at college and to get sn EHCP

What antidepressants have they been prescribed if you don't mind me asking?

That sounds amazing

Sorry @Sillybanana ignore that last question, just seen that it's citalopram

DS14 hasn't been to school all week, and has been off 2/3 days a week since Christmas. He deliberately misses the school bus (we're rural), then says he's going to walk but ends up not going in and walking back home again. He gets himself up and in the shower, dressed and ready for school but when it comes to actually going in, he just doesn't feel able. He talks about which GCSEs he wants to do, and when he speaks you can tell that he wants to be in school, but I think the anxiety and lack of autonomy is stopping him.

He has no diagnosis, but we've long suspected he has autism with a demand avoidant profile. Wthere in the process of getting him diagnosed in the last year of primary when he began missing school, but then covid happened and things got put on hold, then when he started secondary all seemed fine. But all is not fine now, and I think we're doing him a disservice not pursuing a diagnosis.

I'm not sure how we'll ever get him back into school and it's causing me so much stress. But I feel reassured hearing some success stories.

My 14 year old suddenly stopped going to school regularly in December.

She's diagnosed ADHD and we are now asking for her ASD to be formally diagnosed (there is absolutely no doubt about the ASD) and have put in for an EHCP - although if she's not in school I'm not sure what the EHCP can do.

She has always struggled academically but managed good attendance. In December she fell out with her friends and I think hit autistic burnout.

I manage to get her to school for some part days and when she's in she seems happy about it. Unfortunately it's less than 50% of the time now.

She won't sleep at night and then sleeps all day. If I push too hard to get her to school she'll lash out and has self harmed. It's heartbreaking. I'm walking on eggshells all the time and probably at the point of a nervous breakdown myself.

I swing between absolute despair for her future and then thinking perhaps this is only temporary and we can try education again when she's ready. There's no age limit to getting your GCSEs so if it doesn't happen now it's not necessarily the end of her learning.

I'm so sad though seeing my once over energetic child who enjoyed herself a lot of the time just rolled up in bed for most of the day not engaging with anyone. I feel like I've failed her but without knowing how I could possibly have done anything else to help.

although if she's not in school I'm not sure what the EHCP can do.

If attending school isn’t suitable there is EOTAS. Which is a bespoke programme depending on the individual needs. DS1 has a comprehensive EOTAS package costing well over £100k pa.

Even before an EHCP is secured under s.19 of The Education Act 1996 the LA must provide alternative arrangements to ensure DC receives a suitable, full time education. The form the provision takes varies depending on individual needs. That should have begun once it became clear 15 days would be missed. The days didn’t need to have already been missed or consecutive.

Can an EHCP provide one on one teaching at home?

I haven't read the full thread but yes I've been there with my DS, he is now through it and is enjoying mainstream 6th form college and has friends.

He wasn't in school at at from years 8 - 11.

It was a fight but we ended up with an EOTAS arrangement with some home tuition. He did his GCSEs at home and met the entry requirements for 6th form.

Anxiety medication prescribed by CAMHS has been a game changer. Some children with ASD produce less Serotonin so SSRs can be very helpful.