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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Drunk 14yr old DS

36 replies

MumCat2020 · 01/01/2023 00:55

Its New Years. Meant to be going to a party one street over, family party, lots of teens and adults. DH being a grumpy tw*t so we stayed home and I said my 14yr old boy could go. He had already had a drink with dinner so I made it clear to him that he was not to drink any more alcohol. He even txted me during the evening asking if he could drink more and I said no, he had already had more that he was used to at home.
At 12.15pm I started asking him to come home, he turned up 20 mins later. Obviously walked back by a couple of friends his age by the voices outside. He is drunk. Not throwing up, but loud and unsteady on his feet. The adults at the party are more liberal than me and wouldn't have thought twice.
I'm annoyed that if DH wasn't being a pain again, I would have been there to monitor it. And I'm fed up that my teen has lied and gone behind my back.
I feel like going nuclear at him in the morning. Help!!

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/01/2023 00:57

He's a teenager- don't get angry with him. You let him go to a party unsupervised where he was likely to be given booze 🤷🏼‍♀️ I presume this is anger at your partner which you don't want to face hence why you're misdirecting it at your son?

Wolfiefan · 01/01/2023 00:57

Why didn’t you go with your son? I wouldn’t send a 14 yr old out to a NY party alone.

DelilahBucket · 01/01/2023 00:58

Yes you should have gone and left your DH at home but what's done is done. No point getting mad at either of them, especially not DS. It won't help matters. Just have a chat with DS about the situation he ended up in and what the consequences could have been. He's only 14 though and likely have given in to peer pressure.

Findyourneutralspace · 01/01/2023 01:00

I think that was inevitable in the circumstances. He will have felt peer pressure or temptation, he’d already had a drink at home and the other family are more liberal with the booze than you would have been. It doesn’t sound like he’s dangerously drunk. Send him to bed with a large glass of water, and take it up with DH in the morning. DS hangover will be a lesson learned (hopefully) but you can talk to him calmly about making better decisions or breaking your trust. No point going nuclear.

Runningfire · 01/01/2023 01:02

Chill out. And leave the soul sucking husband as a NY resolution

PortiasBiscuit · 01/01/2023 01:04

He’ll have a headache, make him a bacon sandwich in the morning.

Ruffpuff · 01/01/2023 01:07

Really? It’s New Year’s Eve, he’s 14 and snuck a few drinks. Most kids drink at house parties by this age. It’s not the end of the world. I remember a friends and I sneaking bambi shams aged 12 on New Years, my mum wasn’t impressed but she just rolled her eyes and told me I’d have a headache the next day.

Inkpotlover · 01/01/2023 01:09

Why did you have to stay at home just because your DH was being a grumpy twat? I'd have gone anyway.

TooBigForMyBoots · 01/01/2023 01:21

Your son is 14. And not the problem here.

Wheredoallthepensgo · 01/01/2023 01:26

You let a 14 year old go out to a party on NYE with people who are big drinkers. You should have gone with him or accepted he was likely to have more drink if offered. He's a young impressionable teen on a big occasion. I wouldn't be giving him a hard time, I'd be thinking about my own decision to send him alone first.

champagneplanet · 01/01/2023 02:04

Agree with all the above, especially the person who said make him breakfast. It's the perfect opportunity to talk about actions/consequences and the effects of alcohol.

And as an aside, why do you let your miserable DH dictate what you do? If my DH was a grump on NYE when we had plans I would 100% have gone to the party with DS.

Original poster
MumCat2020 · 01/01/2023 02:06

Its literally round the corner, I can see their bedroom window from our back window. Close family friends, known them for years. Adults present all evening. He txted me when he left and friends walked him back..

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 01/01/2023 02:07

It's ridiculous that you missed the party because your twat of a husband. Stop being such a doormat and do what you want to do. It's your fault you didn't go, not his.

Original poster
MumCat2020 · 01/01/2023 02:12

Thanks all. I think I'm just really disappointed that he didn't get that being allowed to go to the party was a huge thing in itself. He has never been allowed out late and I didn't want to be the strict mum making him come home before midnight when the other kids were staying up.
He is generally a great kid but hasn't been making great decisions recently and I'm sad that he didn't do the right thing.
I am very annoyed at DH, I felt pressured on the spot to let DS go but not go myself because it was going to cause a huge row. We ended up barely talking anyway and in bed at 10.30pm. (I stayed awake obvs and in contact with DS).
I'll make him brekkie. He has already has consequences, he has a medical condition that means he can wet the bed. Been doing so well with it but the alcohol did its work!

OP posts:
Wheredoallthepensgo · 01/01/2023 02:13

It doesn't matter if you were 50 feet away or 50 miles away, you still weren't actually THERE to say "no DC, no more beer" or "no old chum, please don't offer DC anything, he's had one already at home and I don't want him having any more, thanks" were you? Or were you going to shout over the fence Grin

Original poster
MumCat2020 · 01/01/2023 02:18

I trusted him. He decided not to be trustworthy tonight. He made a poor decision. But you have to keep giving teenagers a chance, he is 14, he needs to be able to handle situations himself. A family party is a safe environment to leave him to make his own choices

OP posts:
Original poster
MumCat2020 · 01/01/2023 02:18

I trusted him. He decided not to be trustworthy tonight. He made a poor decision. But you have to keep giving teenagers a chance, he is 14, he needs to be able to handle situations himself. A family party is a safe environment to leave him to make his own choices.

OP posts:
Whatmarbles · 01/01/2023 02:23

He text you to tell you when he was on his way home. He was drunk when he did that.
I would be over the moon with that.
He also must have told others he was leaving, rather than sloping off, and got walked home.

All in all, he sounds pretty responsible to me.
Don't be hard on him ☹️

champagneplanet · 01/01/2023 02:28

How will moody DH choose to deal with this? Will he see that his actions ruined everyone's enjoyment of NYE?

It's likely DS will be regretful and even embarrassed, especially if he has a medical condition. But we've all been there, enjoying ourselves and getting carried away. Don't be too hard on him, he's had too much to drink in thankfully the right environment, but I would still use it as an opportunity to talk about alcohol and its effects.

Original poster
MumCat2020 · 01/01/2023 02:30

Agreed, I think I was just in shock to realise that he was drunk!!

OP posts:
Original poster
MumCat2020 · 01/01/2023 02:31

True, he probably needs compassion more than discipline.
And no, DH will not see that. The moods have been a real problem this year. I am struggling with staying.

OP posts:
Rollergirl11 · 01/01/2023 08:40

Jesus, you sound overbearing and a bit of a nightmare tbh. He’s 14, it was NYE and he ended up going to a party on his own through no fault of his own. You set a whole load of unrealistic expectations on him and I think he did pretty well given the circumstances. I suggest you spend your time thinking about why you let your husband ruin everyone’s plans rather than being disappointed in your totally normal teenage son.

IrisCosyCottage · 01/01/2023 08:47

You sent him to a party where you knew they were lax about alcohol and you expected him to resist a lot of peer pressure. But you couldn't resist your DH's peer pressure to miss the party.

Don't take your frustration with your DH and yourself out on your teen. Your DS is the one who acted most reasonably out of the three of you.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/01/2023 09:00

At 14, having a couple of drinks and getting tiddly isn't really a 'poor decision'. He didn't get wasted, nothing bad happened, he had fun and no harm was done. I'm not sure why you're so disappointed with him. Did you really expect him to obey your rule when you weren't there and he was at a party?

itsgettingweird · 01/01/2023 09:17

Unless your DH ties you to a chair not to go was your choice.

To allow a teenager to go and party with teens allowed to drink was your choice.

To trust your teen not to drink was your choice.

I'm not saying your DH wasn't a miserable twat and your DS wasn't an idiot but you can't blame your choices on them. Their choices are on them.