My 18yo ds has got his new gf pregnant but I’m only 36 and I’m ashamed to say I’m disappointed

[Mickymedic]

Hi I feel totally ashamed of myself to be writing this I was 17 and pregnant had my son just as I turned 18 and now 3 weeks after his 18th and 4 weeks into a new relationship he has told me she is pregnant and I feel totally ashamed but I feel a bit deflated and disappointed I just wanted more he was on track for an American scholarship in June he plays football for a professional youth team! I’ve never even met the girl but already I’ve had him crying with her threatening he will never see it! Any advice anyone?? I’m gonna be a Nan at 36 I have two younger kids both with special needs too! Aita for feeling disappointed?

i think I would feel the same as you. You son looks like he’s forging a successful sporting future, and now this has happened.

However, I’m also questioning whether he is the father. One night stands can end up in pregnancy, but to be certain after four weeks?

Has he got into a controlling relationship? Has she found herself pregnant from someone else, and targeting your son because he has a promising football future?

It’s good that he’s confided in you though.

Honestly when she threatened no contact he showed me the messages and it was really childish (obv) because ds went to his friends next door to his nans and she told him to leave if any girls came and he didn’t leave for 5 whole minutes when the girl turned up she she got really pissed off told him he had disrespected her said never to speak to her again and threatened the no contact! ( ps she knew where he and who else was there as she was following him on snap maps) toxic but he won’t leave he wants to do right by the baby!
and yea the scholarship is abroad so I doubt he will go but uni her is an option but will
mean moving out of area

Honestly I'd wait and see if there is actually a baby at all, it all sounds a little dodgy

4 weeks and preg already … sounds like she doesn’t want him to go to America … just throwing that one out there

No she hasn’t told anyone and swore him to secrecy too 🤔

From your update I'm betting she's not pg but she's desperate to keep him for some reason. Tell him to switch off snap maps as well. He really should carry on with the scholarship and call her bluff. He has to make a future for the child...if it turns out to be true.

Have you discussed the timing of getting pg with him and how they would've had to be getting it on very quickly for her to be pg and know already.

I actually think it's all yet another needy immature girl that's attention seeking....or she knows he's not the father but he's the best prospect.

I agree there might not be a baby at all. It's all happened very quickly and she's already using threats of no contact to manipulate him.

I don't think she's pregnant at all, she sounds desperately insecure/controlling. He needs to stop sleeping with her because if she's not pregnant now she will be.
He needs to prepare to raise a child if necessary but step away from the relationship

I would put good money on any pregnancy not being his. He really needs to stop sleeping with her.

It’s highly unlikely that he is the father if indeed she is pregnant. They’ve only been together for 4 weeks.

He should definitely pursue the scholarship.

Looks like she taken the mickey after 4 weeks ask him if they slept together straight away first week. Maybe she was pregnant before they met. Yes he can support baby if it's his even if he goes to Uni.
Do no give up on his dream
It won't last if he has to give up his dream
Lots of dad's work away

I doubt there’s a pregnancy at all. She sounds manipulative and controlling. I’d call her parents and tell them, and request a meeting about how to proceed. I’d want to see a positive pregnancy test (has your son seen one?) and tell them you will want a paternity test once the baby is born. I’d also make it clear at this point that your son fully intends to take up his scholarship abroad. This can always be changed if required, but it’s important that it’s made clear that he will not be manipulated.

I don't think you should be ashamed.

@SarahAndQuack ok so some tests work at 4 weeks. But those are aimed at women who are ttc. Why would a teenager in a new relationship take an early pregnancy test before they’ve even had chance to miss a period. They must have been having sex before the relationship officially started, or they were sloppy with contraception.

They definitely didn’t do anything before the 24th November as he was away they have been friends on Snapchat for a while before that but that was the first time they met up he said he used a condom the first time then the 2nd time it broke and only the ring was left on him he said then the time after he can’t remember as they were drunk so prob never did but since he has and she is apparently on the pill also I seen on her Facebook that she’s been drinking since ‘finding out’ I’m starting to think this isn’t even real but my son flips out if I even question it he says he seen the pregnancy test she apparently has an appointment this week but hasn’t told him what time or where and he’s not allowed to go! It’s all too suspicious in my mind? What do you all think?

Definitely sounds iffy.

Shes either pregnant by someone else, or not pregnant at all.

To give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she’s scared so wants to do the initial appointment herself. Incidentally, who is the appointment with, as gp’s don’t confirm pregnancies any more, as pregnancy tests are so reliable and accessible. I believe the first appointment is with a midwife.

it’s good that he’s talking to you. His anger may be a reaction from his own confusion as he’s trying to come to terms with what’s going on.

How are you getting on OP?

Well I’m definitely thinking this pregnancy is make believe! I met the girl on dec 17 at my ds charity boxing match and she’s a nice girl on the surface but she was drinking gin all night, they then went to a party with her family on the 23rd were she was really drunk and I got a phone call at 2am with her screaming at my ds and my son saying stop grabbing me stop get off my hair let me out of this house! It went on for an hour she locked him in her house and hid the keys but my son wouldn’t give us her address so we could call the police then Xmas day she was drinking and nye she was hammered again! I’ve spoken to my son and we had a huge argument how dare I think this about her! But she still hasn’t told anyone she hasn’t been to an appointment anywhere! So unfortunately I think my son is in the starts of an abusive relationship and he won’t listen to me he hasn’t been home since Xmas!

Really sorry to read your update. Awful for your self and your son. I also think you are correct in it all being make believe. I think all you can do is reach out and let him know it's ok and he can come back. Do you know her parents?

Is there a confirmed test? I would have her round and make a test be done to be sure!

Also she wouldn't be booked in with a midwife generally until between 8-10 weeks so I would query this docs appt so earlier on

I was pregnant at 16 and I wouldn't of been offended regarding a DNA. I got pregnant within the first month of meeting him so it is possible.

I'd try do a Facebook search for the girls parents and have a conversation with them before it gets out of control. They may not know what she's doing or she may have form for lying.

I hope your son sees sense and continues on the right road! Hope you get things sorted x

I was pregnant at 17 and I hate to be thinking this way but nothing is adding up saying she has appointments but my son is t allowed to go or know who or where they are then she she didn’t go she’s drinking constantly she hasn’t told anyone and has told my son not to tell anyone she has no idea I know that she has told him this she has sent him pics of “her” positive tests but I doubt they are hers as she refused to take another when he was with her when he asked! She is extremely controlling and I don’t like it but my son is 18 and there is not a lot I can do I know her dad owns a pub so if it carry’s in much longer I’m gonna be paying him a visit!