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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Son dealing

64 replies

RockBottomParenting · 09/12/2022 14:47

Please help - I don't know where to turn. I don't really want to answer questions on how we have let it come to this - fully aware of how badly we have fucked up and desperately need practical advice

Son is about to turn 17. He has developed an obsession with money and 'getting rich quick' - fuelled mainly by YouTubers, I think. He has also become very interested in weed culture - smoking and all the paraphernalia connected to it. I have been worried for a while now that he may be dealing weed but have been unable to prove it until now.

Recently we found about £400 in cash in his room, a bag with a lock on it full of weed and several bags of white powder, which we now know is ketamine. He fully admits he has been dealing and says it is a way of saving to buy some kind of trainer 'bot', so that he can buy and sell trainers and basically get rich. The whole thing seems to be part of a big plan.

We have thrown the drugs away, confiscated the cash, stopped giving him any money and reduced his phone package to the minimum. I think we should stop his phone entirely but DH is worried what will happen if we can't contact him and says that he will probably find other means to get a phone. He is 6ft 2 and impossible to physically stop.

We have called the organisation Frank who gave us numbers for local help groups - but they all seem to be for addicts. I don't know where to go to for help for people in our situation.

He is furious with us for 'robbing' him and shows no intention of stopping. He has just left the house saying that we have left him with no choice but to 'owe' his supplier so that he can start selling again and get the money we took off him back so that he can continue with his plans. He says it is our fault that we have 'forced' him to do this.

I realise that county lines is a possibility here, but we are coming to the conclusion that he has decided to do this for himself.

Please - I would be so grateful for any practical advice on how to deal with this. What he is doing is awful but he is our son and we are so desperate to stop this going any further.

OP posts:

dolor · 12/12/2022 22:27

user1487194234 · 12/12/2022 19:39

I am probably too cynical having been a criminal lawyer in my younger days but only contact the police if you are prepared for him to be charged and possibly imprisoned
Despite what middle class people believe,the police are not necessarily your friends

The police aren't anyone's friends unless it's someone in power.

Tilllly · 12/12/2022 22:38

Police. Definitely
I've worked with Paul Hannaford and his is a brutal but common story
Is your son going to stop? No. Why would he?

What about those he's dealing to - how young might they be? The impact on their mental health. Their vulnerability to being groomed into God knows what

Is your son using? How long before he starts? And what other drugs might he get into?

It ends with him hospitalised, imprisoned or worse.

Contact the police- before they catch him

dolor · 12/12/2022 22:46

Tilllly · 12/12/2022 22:38

Police. Definitely
I've worked with Paul Hannaford and his is a brutal but common story
Is your son going to stop? No. Why would he?

What about those he's dealing to - how young might they be? The impact on their mental health. Their vulnerability to being groomed into God knows what

Is your son using? How long before he starts? And what other drugs might he get into?

It ends with him hospitalised, imprisoned or worse.

Contact the police- before they catch him

I watched the interview Paul did with Shaun Attwood recently. I love the way both of them do talks in schools all over the country now. They're truly reformed lads.

SomeBeings · 12/12/2022 23:05

You have not put him in danger by taking his drugs, he has put himself in danger.

He is going to lie, lie and lie some more. I wouldn't trust a word he says.

Have you considered chucking him out? I'm not sure I could do it but I'd certainly be thinking about it. He is playing with fire and he is involving you and your family. He sounds a bit stupid if he thinks he can get rich quick using a trading bot (or trainer bot?). If he is that gullible then I'd be nervous that he is going to do something to endanger you and your family.

Ket can be used as a date rape drug. What does your son think of that?

What are you going to do about Xmas? I'm not sure I could face giving him presents if I were you.

SomeBeings · 12/12/2022 23:05

Also, I'd get some cctv and extra security for your home. Chances are there is nothing to be worried about but better safe than sorry.

NotMyDayJob · 13/12/2022 09:02

user1487194234 · 12/12/2022 19:39

I can assure you I am far from middle class and do not view the police as my friends, I do not say go to the police as it's better than the alternative, lightly

felulageller · 13/12/2022 09:45

I'd use the threat of reporting him to the police (I don't trust them btw) to keep him a virtual prisoner at home. ie tight curfew, phone tracker, full access to his phone, only out to go to school, very limited internet access, etc

No cooking/ cleaning for him.

I'd give him one last chance to get out of this then if I found he'd continued I'd put his stuff out of the house and change the locks.

lechatnoir · 13/12/2022 17:16

How are you doing @RockBottomParenting? I keep thinking about you/your ds and wondering what action you have decided to take?

cansu · 13/12/2022 19:36

Disposing of the drug was very stupid and potentially dangerous. He will now owe for the drugs. If you want to help your son, you need to help him pay what he owes for the drugs you disposed of.
All you can do going forward is to talk to him, help him find another path to earn money legitimately and decide where your boundaries will be. Personally I would be telling him that no drugs should be brought into the house.

dolor · 13/12/2022 19:51

Don't think we will see the OP again.

Original poster

RockBottomParenting · 13/12/2022 22:29

Hello - still here and grateful for the advice.

We gave him the money back. Watching now - will get in touch with social services at the next sign that it is continuing. I think we will be doing this very soon as he shows no signs of remorse.

We are considering moving house.

Christmas is fucked.

OP posts:

TheLittlestLightOnTheXmasTree · 13/12/2022 22:35

As I said earlier, I'd move!!

And I say this because I work in a men's prison. FULL of drugs offences. 18 upwards, so young

DO NOT LET HIM STAY INVOLVED

Prison is a not a nice place op, it would kill me if one of mine ended up on one of our wings

Original poster

RockBottomParenting · 13/12/2022 22:43

We also offered to help fund/loan him the money for the trainer buying thing - but he wouldn't take it as he wanted to pay for it with his 'own' money.

OP posts:

dolor · 14/12/2022 00:15

Firstly, I didn't think you'd be back but here you are - hello

Secondly, I don't think you should wait to contact social services, you need to do that like yesterday.

This isn't going to stop unless it's forced. If he was able to set it up before, he will be able to do it again and will probably be more secretive about it.

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