Son dealing

[RockBottomParenting]

Please help - I don't know where to turn. I don't really want to answer questions on how we have let it come to this - fully aware of how badly we have fucked up and desperately need practical advice

Son is about to turn 17. He has developed an obsession with money and 'getting rich quick' - fuelled mainly by YouTubers, I think. He has also become very interested in weed culture - smoking and all the paraphernalia connected to it. I have been worried for a while now that he may be dealing weed but have been unable to prove it until now.

Recently we found about £400 in cash in his room, a bag with a lock on it full of weed and several bags of white powder, which we now know is ketamine. He fully admits he has been dealing and says it is a way of saving to buy some kind of trainer 'bot', so that he can buy and sell trainers and basically get rich. The whole thing seems to be part of a big plan.

We have thrown the drugs away, confiscated the cash, stopped giving him any money and reduced his phone package to the minimum. I think we should stop his phone entirely but DH is worried what will happen if we can't contact him and says that he will probably find other means to get a phone. He is 6ft 2 and impossible to physically stop.

We have called the organisation Frank who gave us numbers for local help groups - but they all seem to be for addicts. I don't know where to go to for help for people in our situation.

He is furious with us for 'robbing' him and shows no intention of stopping. He has just left the house saying that we have left him with no choice but to 'owe' his supplier so that he can start selling again and get the money we took off him back so that he can continue with his plans. He says it is our fault that we have 'forced' him to do this.

I realise that county lines is a possibility here, but we are coming to the conclusion that he has decided to do this for himself.

Please - I would be so grateful for any practical advice on how to deal with this. What he is doing is awful but he is our son and we are so desperate to stop this going any further.

I have dealt with numerous cases of children dealing as I work within child safeguarding.

You need to contact social services and the police. Social services will involve the school and assess if your child needs to be on a child in need or a child protection plan. Police may be involved in the multi-agency meetings as well and hopefully all parties will work with your son to stop this.

County lines is no joke, they are dangerous! If there is even a hint your son could be involved you need to get help.

My concerns would be the drugs you disposed of need to be paid for, and that is a risk.

No other advice sorry, it's a scary bloody road and short of handcuffing him to a radiator you will struggle to stop him.

@Redburnett

School age drug mules that have been groomed/being threatened/controlled/feel trapped will face some consequences but highly unlikely to be as serious as that. I know two lads who have been arrested for it. They stayed at their school, had to do community service but community service aimed at helping troubled teens etc.

That's exactly how County Lines work.

That’s brilliant. Genuinely brilliant outcome.
Theres a very high risk that OP’s son could be arrested and emprisoned thought.

www.childrenssociety.org.uk/what-we-do/our-work/child-criminal-exploitation-and-county-lines

Another organisation maybe worth contacting.

It would be the drugs you disposed of that is the risk as they need to be paid for. If he is looking for the money for an investment in a bot for trainers (sounds like a scam but would need to do more research) is their anyway you could say prove your not dealing and we will fund the bot (even an interest free credit card). The problem with involving the police is a permanent record which could affect his future chances over a bit of weed.

I think to some extent you might be better focusing on the underlyings.

You say he is obsessed with money and getting rich and this has led him to dealing. If you solve the dealing, but not the money focus, I suspect that you will just jump from problem to problem.

• why does he want to get rich? Are you struggling and he feels like he should be contributing? are you quite money orientated yourselves and he has picked up on it? Are his friends much richer than he is? Does he have a reputation of being the one to treat his friends that he needs to keep up with

• whats his bigger plan - he deals loads of weed and ket, makes £xxx, then buys a trainer bot (never heard of them, are you sure its not a trading bot?), which then makes money for him....what does he do then? Sit around and smoke weed/ket and watch the money roll in to fund it?
• whats his ambitions, how would he ideally spend his time if money was no issue. Just be a sad git in his room counting his loot and giving himself lung cancer?

I think a calm convo, where you really properly listen to why he thought that this is a good path for him to take would probably be quite useful.

I dread being in this position with ds. It could go either way OP and the stakes are high. Personally, as much as I would hate it, and would be scared of the repercussions from whoever he is involved with, I really think SS is the least risk option for your son before he realises he's not that clever or a big man and gets into something he can't handle. Good luck.

He doesn't want to engage so I personally think its dangerous to involve the police or social services, they will likely bounce him around to support services, are there any voluntary agencies in the area? like drug and alcohol agencies who you can talk to confidentially before you consider involving statutory services?

If he isn't going to engage he will just get into problems with them because in the end it is a criminal offence & he doesn't want to stop, he needs educating about what he is doing and how he is being exploited

How much is the trainer bot thing? (No idea what that is) could you not make a deal with him that you'll loan him the money to get this trainer bot provided he agrees to stop selling weed. And tell him if he goes back on his word then you'll get the police involved?

These dickhead YouTuber "entrepreneurs" have got a lot to answer for! We've had very similar issues with our DS; he also thinks he's an entrepreneur 🙄

You need to have a serious discussion with him. Don’t make it about the ethics of drugs or criminality etc. Mention that as an aside that your not going into because right now he’s likely messing up his life more than other peoples. It’s about how he wants to be rich and successful.

Drug money is fast money. But totally useless money in real life.

Sure now he’s a youth and he doesn’t actually have to pay for anything properly. Doesn’t have to deposit money in a bank. Doesn’t have to pay rent or a mortgage or have credit checks then this money is as real as any other money. But as soon as he’s trying to buy a car on finance, get a property, pay bills by direct debit - then all this money is worthless. He can live in a shit hole paying cash in an illegal house share sublet with nice trainers if he wishes.

It’s a huge risk to his future opportunities and success in life. And for what? At best thousands of pounds you can only spend as cash on frivolous items.

He might think it’s big and clever. But it’s stupid and he’s choosing to be a mouse in a game of cat and mouse. With very short term pros and huge long term potential issues.

I would ask him whether he owes the dealer. If he bought the stash on tic (loan) then the 400 may have been part of what he owes. The drugs are gone now. I would pay the amount required to settle the debt and tell him if he ever does it again he will get no help in life from me. No roof over his head, no car, no mobile, no funds ever again - no money for uni, none for travelling, nothing to help him when he wants to move locations for a job, nothing for a house deposit. He can live on benefits and be a mouse with nice trainers.

Tell him if he really does love weed culture then fine. Go figure out a plan to be legitimately and legally part of that culture. Perhaps work in a grow light shop or move to Holland, or make weed themed merch. Who knows but dealing is not the way.

Oddly enough I watched this last night, you should sit down and watch it with your son:

Shaun Attwood & Paul Hannaford

Shaun and Paul both work hard to combat things like this after being caught in the system.

There are kids under the age of TEN who are running drugs for dealers in this country, that's how bad it is now.

Meant to add

He WILL end up using various drugs if he carries on down this road, hence the video I shared.

No judgement just solidarity - we are having issues with ds 17 that include weed obsession and feel like we are only a whisper away from where you are now. If we have reason the think DS is dealing and he won't listen to reason or is dismissiveI/doesn't care/laughs in our face/tells us to fuck up, we won't hesitate to involve the police and school.

And assume you mean trading bots.

Thats a whole thing in itself that your going to have to deal with as not likely to end well.

I have made good money off trading. Mainly crypto but would never use a bot - especially one you have to pay for promising automatic money! Most legit exchanges have stop loss bots built in, that’s as much automation as I would use.

Perhaps a book for Xmas on traditional trading. Hopefully he will learn this lesson there without too much loss. But he needs to know the House always wins in the end. Especially if your actively trading unless your very very lucky and good at cutting your losses and not getting addicted. Recommend watching GameStop documentary on Netflix. Tell him never to mess with futures.

God I have a 6 month old boy. I am not looking forward to all this. 🤦‍♀️

www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-49283059

That may help explain more.about the trainer bot

Wow well this is interesting thank you.

Well he has the entrepreneurial spirit that’s for sure 🤣

OP should pat yourself on the back about doing a good job with that even if it is being slightly misdirected currently.

Hopefully this will be just a small blip in the road.

My brother went down this path. My parents protected him by pretending to see that he was 100% responsible for his own behaviour and absolutely understood exactly what he was doing and the implications it had for everyone - and didn’t give a shit. Now that my parents aren’t around anymore to continually bail him out, and he is in his mid 40’s, he is alone, broke and friendless. He is constantly doctor shopping to get himself referred into hospital - regular or psychiatric, where he is frequently kicked out for attempting to either make friends with the addicts to reinstate clientele or get more “business contacts”.
I have a restraining order against him at the moment due to him stalking me and my kids attempting to intimidate us into handing over money. This was after he had intimidated another family member into giving out our address.
I would recommend getting the police involved now. He knows what he’s doing and doesn’t care.

Only if dealing in school. Which is hard to catch as they normally get the younger kids to carry it in for them…

This is almost certainly where my brother is. We have moved 200 miles + (not just because of him but it's a factor) changed our mobile numbers, I deleted an email address, to get away. I've told my DM (who made a similar move and also had to change her number) that if he ever does manage to get in touch and she tells him where she lives (we live quite close) I will immediately go NC with her. We are close and I love her very much but I cannot risk having him back in my life.

Everyone saying don't talk to the police, social services etc, have a chat with him are living in a dream world. Him getting expelled is the least of your problems. I'm telling you now from 20 years in the future you'll wish you had taken more action.

Most schools recognise that teenagers being used as drug mules like this are victims and while needing to understand the seriousness of the situation, also need help, support and protection to get them back on track. They'll want to pull him out of this situation and immediately expelling him would just push him further into drugs world.

One of my friends was arrested twice. Once the police were actually keeping tabs on him and caught him selling drugs in town. The other time was when school found drugs in his bag and called the police. He cleaned his act up, stayed at the school, now has a good job and works to help teenagers who might find themselves in a similar situation.

You’ve binned the drugs which has put him in a dangerous situation now of being in someone’s debt. They will be higher up and a lot more frightening than your teenage son.
I would contact the police but sadly I can’t see this ending well, so sorry OP you must be going out of your mind.

I am probably too cynical having been a criminal lawyer in my younger days but only contact the police if you are prepared for him to be charged and possibly imprisoned
Despite what middle class people believe,the police are not necessarily your friends

i'd bloody well move i think!

whats your son saying....is he still thinking its the route to riches?