Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd (14) too old for baby sitter, too young to be left alone all evening.

38 replies

malificent7 · 08/12/2022 18:53

How do you get a social life,? She very occasionally goes to her granddad but he goes to bed at 9pm which is a bit rubbish for her. She is fine being left alone when it's light but she still gets scared in the dark.

OP posts:
ladywithnomanors · 08/12/2022 18:54

Could she have a friend stay over to keep her company?

simbobs · 08/12/2022 18:54

Could you not invite one of her friends over, or get her to go to a friend's house?

XanaduKira · 08/12/2022 18:55

Is she afraid to be home alone? Otherwise I'd leave her alone for a few hours assuming she's sensible and able to put herself to bed.

PurpleWisteria1 · 08/12/2022 18:56

I’m in the same boat but don’t really have a social life due to no baby sitters anyway!
options I think are get her to stay round a friends for the night, get a family member to stay with her in her home or a friend to babysit. If she’s not old enough to be left then really she’s not too old for a sitter.

Tuvala · 08/12/2022 18:58

I think a friend is a good call. But honestly, 14 is an appropriate age to get used to being alone for a few hours. Presumably she has access to a phone to call with any problems.

AndyWarholsPiehole · 08/12/2022 18:59

Can't she just keep the curtains closed and the light on when she's alone in the evening?

SirenSays · 08/12/2022 18:59

Try to work on her fear of the dark. Maybe update home security or something.

Lkydfju · 08/12/2022 19:00

I don’t think she’s too old for a babysitter if she’s scared of being left alone in the dark: i would just do that

Stressfordays · 08/12/2022 19:03

Gosh, one of my babysitters is 14! If she's scared, she'll need to go to family even if it is rubbish for her.

Athenen0ctua · 08/12/2022 19:04

What does she do after school if you work? It's sunset at 4 here.

I'd say a friend, or just slowly get her used to it. Do you know why she is afraid?

quietnightmare · 08/12/2022 19:07

Sleepover

Or a young babysitter, a responsible teenager maybe 17 or something so it's more of a friend there rather than a sitter

erinaceus · 08/12/2022 19:13

I think it's fine to arrange a babysitter. An empathetic older teenage babysitter would not judge a 14 year old who has a personal preference not to be home alone, I would have thought.

Oblomov22 · 08/12/2022 19:47

You need to work ok her, being scared of the dark. You should be able to leave a 14 year old.

Yika · 08/12/2022 19:57

Agree with same age friend over for a sleepover or get an older teen in to do their homework at yours and keep her company (ie babysitter but dress it up differently).

i think it’s not nice for a young teen to be alone in the house after dinner time in the dark. It’s different if they are babysitting for young kids: they are not alone in the house, and they don’t have to go to bed with the house feeling dark and empty …

mdh2020 · 08/12/2022 20:01

At that age DD just used to say hello to babysitter and go upstairs. We explained to the babysitter that she wasn’t being rude but just wanted her own space.

KnickerlessParsons · 08/12/2022 20:06

My girls were getting paid to babysit at 14! Is it you who thinks she's too young to be left alone for the evening,or is she against the idea?
Is she alone at all during the day?

Echobelly · 08/12/2022 20:10

It might change quite soon - we've started leaving kids alone when out now oldest is 14. Initially they preferred being alone and not having responsibility for little brother if we were out, but after a couple of times they were Ok with it.

XelaM · 08/12/2022 23:24

My 12-year-okd stays home alone, but if I'm away in the evening (very rarely meet a friend for drinks) I get her to invite her best friend for a sleepover so they are together. They prefer it when I'm not around 😃

Zosime · 08/12/2022 23:33

I don’t think she’s too old for a babysitter

Of course she's too old for a babysitter. She isn't a baby!

She is not too old to have a friend to keep her company in the evening if her parents are going to be out late.

pizzaHeart · 08/12/2022 23:42

I disagree that she should feel comfortable to be on her own at 14 when it’s dark. I think it depends where you are and how long you are going to be away.
She’s not too old for a “babysitter” it’s just the babysitting will look a bit different in this case.

NoSquirrels · 08/12/2022 23:49

How long do you want to be out, I guess? Can grandad not be at your house and sleep over, rather than her feel lonely at his house? My teen would be fine with being at home in their room with a sleeping adult in the house. They’d be going to bed by 10ish anyway.

Otherwise yes, you need a sensible ‘keep company’ slightly older teen to be around in case of need, or see if she can go on a sleepover.

TrixJax · 08/12/2022 23:59

Mine went to friends for sleepover at that age

Hercisback · 09/12/2022 00:01

I was being paid to babysit at that age. Think she needs to be gradually exposed to being home alone.

Return2thebasic · 09/12/2022 09:37

I don't think it's fair to compare with those who are able to be a babysitter at this age. The key is "a company". You DD might be ok to babysit a young one at someone else's house, but doesn't mean she's ok to be all alone by herself at home all night.

To embarrassingly speak, whenever DH was away for work trips abroad, I had hard time to deal with just being alone in my bed to sleep at night 😂for the first a day or two. I have two DCs at home asleep in their own rooms too...so not all alone 🙈

It's the imagination and the quietness all around you just wraps you up in the wrong way.

FlounderingFruitcake · 09/12/2022 09:47

Why is she scared of the dark? Given how early it gets dark at this time of year does that mean you can’t even pop to the shops at 4pm??

But she could have a friend round for a sleepover, she could go to a friends and stay there, Grandad could stay at yours.

Swipe left for the next trending thread