Dd (14) too old for baby sitter, too young to be left alone all evening.

[malificent7]

How do you get a social life,? She very occasionally goes to her granddad but he goes to bed at 9pm which is a bit rubbish for her. She is fine being left alone when it's light but she still gets scared in the dark.

Get her to invite a friend round, or alternatively you could go out earlier?. So if you're planning on, say, a meal and some drinks, go out around 3/4 and be back before 8/9. That way, even though its dark, it's still fairly early and she'll be able to see neighbours are still out and about and house lights are on which might make her feel more secure.

We used to have a 14 year old babysitter! She'll be fine by herself for an evening.

I was getting paid to babysit when I was 14! I think an evening is fine, would leave her overnight. Perhaps best to discuss and work on her worry of the dark. Or otherwise have a friend stay.

I'd build up gradually so she gets used to it- going out for a short time after dark locally then work up from there.

My DD is 14. I leave her if we’re going to pub etc but will be home say midnight she’s got dog for company or a friend in. I’m not comfortable leaving her overnight alone yet and she’s not too keen. I’d probably feel better if she stayed with a friend. At the moment a grandparent stays

Work with her to help her not be afraid of the dark, otherwise granddad or friend staying over. A boring night with grandad isn’t going to kill her she can take stuff with her.

At 14 she is old enough to be left for an evening, and having to go to her grandad’s might encourage her to get over her fear, with some support from you.

What time are you coming back at? Is she ok to stay alone until 9-10pm? Or does she not like it from 4pm onwards? Or is she just lonely?

not too young. you need to stop babying her

Assuming no additional needs, she is old enough to be left alone for an evening. Like others on this thread, I was being paid to babysit from 13 and I'm only in my 20s now so it's hardly a bygone era. I'd have thought most teenagers would be pretty mortified to have a babysitter, even if it wasn't called that.

She's not going out. If she's scared of the dark, she can draw the curtains, put the lights on and ensure that she's got everything she needs for tea etc beforehand so she doesn't have to nip to the shops when it's dark. If she doesn't like it, she can arrange to go to Grandad's or a friends house, but it's unreasonable for you to have to stay in every night at this age.

Build up to it in shorter stretches that extend past sunset and she’ll get used to it. Do later grocery shops without her or something. As long as she has her phone she can talk to you on the return drive if she feels the need. Most anxious kids soon grow in confidence given opportunity but are intimidated by the prospect of hours and hours alone at night. Once she’s happy being alone til 7-8, stretch it to 9, then let her have a friend over etc. she should be able to get there.

I was an extremely anxious teen and so ashamed of my phobias, but tagged along everywhere to avoid the dark at my house! I wish I’d been pushed little by little rather than left to it for a whole evening in one go. I was really intentional about leaving my kids for short windows so that it felt normal (even though I didn’t like doing that either😅).

My friend is in this situation. She pays a local sixth former to come and "hang out". They have a lovely time together.

I think it depends on the personality of the kid. I was fine being left at home in the evenings when I was 11 or 12 yet my sister was scared of the dark until she was 16 so my DM could never do anything unless my sister had a friend over or stayed at someone elses house.

My dd was fine at home all evening when she was 12, so it allowed me to do some dating or to go out with friends for the evening.

Have a friend over for a sleepover as long as they are sensible, and of course you need to let them other parents know you’ll be out.

We started going out at night locally when our kids were 13 & 12. Of course it’s different when there are two of them. But we were 10 mins away and it was a gentle start to independence.

DD16 is sometimes paid to ‘hang out with’ (NOT babysit) a 13yo who is an only child and isn’t quite ready to be alone in the evenings. They watch movies or play board games.