DD 13yo wants theatre career... we want to suggest something in between?

[WhatNoWay]

Hi all, DD2 is asking for an audition for a 'professional show' as a Xmas present. She is mad about theatre, film, musical theatre in particular, does a lot of dance at school and plays music and goes to an after school drama club and keeps talking about an 'acting career' (seems dead serious). We are not keen on her going down that route but don't want her to drop it either - this is something she enjoys a lot and has fun doing. She has a good voice, lots of encouragement (and invites to perform at school concerts) from school music teacher, has stage presence and gets very good feedback from her drama/dance teachers. I think she has potential (but not sure how much exactly!) I've looked at BYMT and NYMT and if she does get selected for a show - 'living and breathing theatre for 2-3 weeks' is not our (and her) cup of tea... I don't want her to skip school (she's in Y8 and doing ok academically but only due to good memory - puts next to zero effort into studying although was v good as a young girl). Anyway, the question is, where do i get her a kind of an audition that is definitely not a huge commitment? not a west end show but something in between her local drama school and the high end? Any recommendations overall?? We are not keen on her choosing theatre as main career path (as in putting all eggs in the same basket way). She has mood swings, is a very emotional and anxious child prone to depression (in fact has depression signs - went through a course of therapy sessions but needs more) and thrives on stability and routine rather than late nights and disruptions and poor diet... Would greatly appreciate advice!!

I agree with @Feelallright about her age and professional work like in television. For teenage roles they prefer to employ young adults who look younger than their age and can 'act young', so the production company doesn't have the expense of providing chaperones.

It is difficult to get auditions, and many of them are closed auditions so you need an agent to put you forward.

Therapy? IF, she has ADHD then therapy is going to do diddly squat. Poor kid.

Their response was she does not have adhd hence they thought therapy was useful.

Was she referred for a full assessment or did they fob you off?

They acted as if adhd is not the issue - ignored this term completely and suggested therapy.

Do you have experience with this, @Comefromaway ? What is the best route? The school has 'no concerns' and the GP didn't want to act on it (hence 'therapy'). Where is the best place to start then?

Well, it did turn out that my ds does NOT have ADHD, but he does have autism. The initial autism diagnosis took years. School kept referring, CAMHS kept rejecting the referral. We did speed things up by going for a private assessment for the autism. School then pushed for an ADHD assessment. It took a couple of attempts and lots of documentation from school before he was sent for a full assessment (he had to do a test thing that measured things going on in his brain whilst doing something on the computer.)

Interesting. I've looked at a myriad of adhd tests online asking 'does your child do this...' and thing is she does not do (or not do) any of these things (well, maybe to a degree but which child isn't distracted easily sometimes? or fidget a bit?) so im kind of inclined to think it's not adhd she has - hence me not pushing for referral and stuff. She does throw things when she's angry - and sometimes stomps - yes anger issue she does have, and is aware of it and is trying to work on it.

p.s. at home only, i should add. not in public or school. although does cry at school occasionally.

Thanks so much for sharing your amazing story, @mawbroon ! How did you retrain to become a professional musician? I did consider music career for a bit but wanted to be a performer rather than teacher but knew quite early on I won't be able to practice 5 hours a day to get to those heights... Thanks for the sympathy, too. I also really do sympathise with my daughter. :(

Whilst I would caution against letting her do too much as a child, if performing is her heart's desire then please support her. If it's right for you then quite literally nothing else will do.

I know because I went through this - desperate to act from an early age, my mum "persuaded" me to do an English and drama degree rather than stage school "so you can always go into teaching." I hated it, it was mostly theoretical and I wanted to be performing myself not writing about other people's performances. I ended up dropping out and bumming around from one dead-end job to another while my mental health deteriorated.

Eventually I found my way back into acting and I've never been happier, it's what I'm meant for. Yes, it's hard, but if it's in your soul you can't be happy doing anything else.

(I was 17, nearly 18, before I did a professional musical, fyi. I second the advice to find her a good youth theatre or musical theatre group - they'll support her through professional auditions when she's older, too.)

Thanks, @MadameSzyszkoBohusz ! What a journey. I really appreciate people sharing their experiences here. I know, you're right. But how to protect them from being on no income, having nothing to live on in these diabolical times? Bank of mum&dad isn't going to run for much longer... Thank you for sharing.

I'm a bit confused on the reluctance to follow up on the drama side. In tandem with the expectation of "good enough" academic performance in core subjects and at GCSE (so as not to close doors in her future unnecessarily). Why can't she have both?

A good enough academic record AND a lot of time spent doing drama/performing arts.

Sounds great!

My OH did BTEC performing arts back in the 2000s instead of A levels. Went on to uni, acting BA. He went on to work for Merlin as an actor while bartending through his 20s. Minimum wage and hard slog but loved every minute! Met me, moved into the corporate world and is now a senior manager. He always says his acting background is a huge asset in interviews and on the job.

I would question what you are so afraid of? As PP said, DD is not you. Aren't you excited to see what she can do, find out who she is?

With ground rules in place re basic academic performance of course.

Would it help to look at 16+ options and what GCSE results will be needed to get in? Get her looking ahead to a future that she can be excited about and give meaning to the boring bits of school life?

"But how to protect them from being on no income, having nothing to live on in these diabolical times? Bank of mum&dad isn't going to run for much longer..."

You can't protect her, and shouldn't try! If she's serious about it, she'll do what the rest of us do to keep the wolf from the door between acting jobs - bar tending, barista-ing, temping, etc. If she isn't serious about it - well, she'll learn that pretty quickly and find another path. But at least she'll know she tried.

Oh, and I actually I do teach occasionally for a bit of extra cash - but by popping into schools to run a days workshop or an after-school club. I could never have coped as a "proper" teacher!

I think the question is OP if she is going to “fail” as a performer, why do you think it’s better if she fails because you stand in her way, than if she ends up trying and failing after doing her best?

It sounds like she has talent and huge interest and lots of encouragement from all sides. If you don’t let her take the chances she wants to, she will probably remember this all her life. She will never know what could have happened. I’d give her a chance - not for Christmas though. Let her do a couple of auditions a year maybe. She may be wonderful.

Why wouldn't you encourage her if she's talented. My DD is year 11 and looking at performing arts colleges. She's a talented dancer, singer and a reasonable actress. She's doing gcse music, drama and has set her heart on performing arts college or 6th form.

I'm supporting her all the way, taking her to open days and auditions. She knows it will be tough with lots of rejection but I have to let her find her own path and hope it works out for her.

But how to protect them from being on no income, having nothing to live on in these diabolical times?

You don't. Presumably you would let her keep a roof over her head and not throw her out on the street. Beyond that, she needs to earn a living once she's old enough, and if it doesn't come from the theatre then she finds a job stacking shelves, temping, whatever.

DD wants to go on to do dance - has just started GCSEs and hopes to do a dance BTEC after. For now I pay for the dance classes I can afford (she would benefit from more, but I can't afford it). While she does BTEC I might continue to pay for some supplemental/specialist classes depending what styles are included in the BTEC.

After that she needs to be responsible financially for her dance career. It's not that I won't help at all, of course, but she needs to find a way of paying for her choices. If she can't, then she needs to make another choice.

@WhatNoWay I read a really good book on adhd called Driven to Distraction. You can buy the book or listen on audible. It may be worth a read.

If she's really into it, perhaps this might build her resilience? On the proviso that she preps her school work adequately?