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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How to get teenage to clean their room

32 replies

Welpthereitis · 01/12/2022 16:43

My teenage dd is 18, work, pays no rent I pay everything from Netflix Amazon, phone bill, food, she nothing this I don’t mind I feel as tho kids have had a really crap few years and she is young , the only thing I ask her to do is clean her room, not any other room in the house me and dh do that, she has never been asked to watch her you ds, but her room is beyond disgusting, there is food everywhere (we have a no food upstairs rule she just ignores it) I honestly would say it smells like a tip we have only been in this house just under a year so it’s not years and years build up, I did a couple of months ago clean it for her but within a week back the same please could I have some top to get her to clean her room

OP posts:
Lavenderfowl · 01/12/2022 16:48

I remember my dad telling me that I was more likely to get big spiders if there was crap all over the floor for them to hide in…I tidied up damn fast!!

PeekAtYou · 01/12/2022 16:52

Does she ever have friends round?
My 16 year old is most motivated to clean when somebody is due to come round. He even cleans his toilet

SeaToSki · 01/12/2022 16:56

Tell her she cleans the room or you will stop paying for her phone and block the access to the wifi. Both of them are a privilege of living in your house and you have standards. While you are at it I would also suggest she has to help with some household jobs as well to contribute to running the house. How about unloading the dishwasher and putting out the bins? It seems like you have a younger dc too, maybe include them in the jobs for privileges new regime so that it doesnt seem too pointed at your DD

AriettyHomily · 01/12/2022 16:57

Stop paying for stuff until she stops inviting mice into the house with all the food. Blanket no food upstairs rule.

FinallyHere · 01/12/2022 16:58

My pretty house proud mother used to just close the door on my bedroom and 'draw a veil' over the state of it.

Ever since I have had my own place, with my own front door I've kept it pretty tidy.

Hold on there.

pingua · 01/12/2022 16:59

Sounds like my son (except he does pay something towards household costs as he's working)
He leaves food plates under his bed (neatly stacked - but still with food..!). It stinks sometimes. Sometimes I pickup and bring down. Other times he does without asking. Other times I ask him to (I say I need for dishwasher etc) and he does. I don't make a massive thing about it - I try and find a balance. I do wonder about mice etc - but so far it's ok and food doesn't stay for more than a couple of days I guess.

Tidying room - I gave up asking. But then one morning I went in - and he'd had a good tidy up in the night - was amazed. Only a one off so far tho....... I've offered to help if he wants as long as he actively tidies too but so far he's not fussed. But I'm trying not to let it bother me - it's his room and if he wanted to exist in a mess so be it.

Good luck! Will see what other suggestions there are.

Feef83 · 01/12/2022 17:01

This does not sound like normal teen mess OP

this sounds utterly revolting. A bona fide health hazard.

what is her mood like?

Feef83 · 01/12/2022 17:01

What is her personal hygiene like?

wickerhearth · 01/12/2022 17:06

Get a rat from pet shop a let it run in her room.;)

Orga · 01/12/2022 17:09

Surely this is obvious. If she doesn't keep her room clean then you don't pay for her various subscriptions/ phone bill. She's 18, she can take some responsibility.

Even in student halls you don't get away with having leftover food rotting all over the place. They give you a fine for cleaning.

SirenSays · 01/12/2022 17:11

I gave lots of storage options, a big laundry hamper and a bin with a lid and then just shut the door. They want to live in mess it's their choice.
My mother was constantly nagging about cleaning and it has made me absolutely hate doing it.

feetlikeahobbit · 01/12/2022 17:14

I just shut the door on it, it was stressing me out, on the odd occasion I went in it was hit and miss, on bin day (monthly) she'd bring down 2 full bin bags, God only knows where it all came from. But if she wanted to live in filth so be it. She's gone to uni now and her room there is pristine and when she comes home she is better so hang in there.

Loopylouloulala · 01/12/2022 17:20

My daughter has ADHD and Autism. It totally overwhelms her. She hates it, but just can't organise it or keep on top of it,. She will have a burst where she tries, but just creates more. So once a month I ask her is she needs a hand, more an organising pointer. So I go in, say right, pass me your dirty clothes. Put the rubbish in the bin, so at least we can walk on the floor. Make piles on the bed of stuff that goes together. Dust, polish, hoover. She doesn't moan as it's the help she needs and just gets on with direction.

Mojoj · 01/12/2022 17:23

Stop paying for her stuff. See how long she lasts then.

Beamur · 01/12/2022 17:27

I suspect that it doesn't bother her and she is currently very cushioned (you pay for everything) so has no real respect for the house.
Why don't you want her to contribute to household expenses? It's a good life lesson.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 01/12/2022 17:29

I gave up and shut the door and blitzed it every few weeks. Apparently his uni room is really clean 😱🤣

Original poster
Welpthereitis · 01/12/2022 17:30

Thanks everyone for your comments, just a few, she has a bin in her room and hamper, she has good hygiene but leaves the bathroom looking as tho a bomb has gone off in there, she has no ash’s or austisum, ( I do, I have recently been diagnosed with epilepsy which has been very hard on me and dh), I try not to nag, my other 2 dd keep there rooms clean to get money each week that they have been saving to buy Christmas presents, I do shut the as I like to have a clean home as it help with not overwhelming me

OP posts:
Original poster
Welpthereitis · 01/12/2022 17:32

I don’t take any money so she can save for her future, I have asked to see her savings but she has said I am invading her privacy

OP posts:
Beamur · 01/12/2022 17:36

Welpthereitis · 01/12/2022 17:32

I don’t take any money so she can save for her future, I have asked to see her savings but she has said I am invading her privacy

Hmmm.
Fair enough, it is her business, but regardless I think she might have a little more respect for her house if she contributed more.
Failing that, as polite asking is getting you nowhere, i'd be a bit firmer.

Feef83 · 01/12/2022 17:37

Welpthereitis · 01/12/2022 17:30

Thanks everyone for your comments, just a few, she has a bin in her room and hamper, she has good hygiene but leaves the bathroom looking as tho a bomb has gone off in there, she has no ash’s or austisum, ( I do, I have recently been diagnosed with epilepsy which has been very hard on me and dh), I try not to nag, my other 2 dd keep there rooms clean to get money each week that they have been saving to buy Christmas presents, I do shut the as I like to have a clean home as it help with not overwhelming me

how can can she have “good hygiene” is she’s sleeping in what you describe as foul smelling

Feef83 · 01/12/2022 17:37

This is NOT normal teen mess OP

Original poster
Welpthereitis · 01/12/2022 17:54

how can can she have “good hygiene” is she’s sleeping in what you describe as foul smelling.
she has a bath or shower every day sometimes twice, I wash and dry all her clothes,

I am considering cleaning and guttering it one more time, then telling her I will charge her each time I have to clean it after that

OP posts:
Feef83 · 01/12/2022 18:23

Welpthereitis · 01/12/2022 17:54

how can can she have “good hygiene” is she’s sleeping in what you describe as foul smelling.
she has a bath or shower every day sometimes twice, I wash and dry all her clothes,

I am considering cleaning and guttering it one more time, then telling her I will charge her each time I have to clean it after that

And then she lies in foul bedding?

what is her mental health like?

presumably she never has friends or a boyfriend over?

Original poster
Welpthereitis · 01/12/2022 18:34

She seem happy enough, she doesn’t let her friends in her room, they take over the living room or go out shopping for meals or to the cinema, no boyfriend I know at this time

OP posts:
tunthebloodyalarmoff · 01/12/2022 18:52

Why are you
Paying for everything she is an adult. She needs to get a job and pay her way or she won't change