How to get teenage to clean their room

[Welpthereitis]

My teenage dd is 18, work, pays no rent I pay everything from Netflix Amazon, phone bill, food, she nothing this I don’t mind I feel as tho kids have had a really crap few years and she is young , the only thing I ask her to do is clean her room, not any other room in the house me and dh do that, she has never been asked to watch her you ds, but her room is beyond disgusting, there is food everywhere (we have a no food upstairs rule she just ignores it) I honestly would say it smells like a tip we have only been in this house just under a year so it’s not years and years build up, I did a couple of months ago clean it for her but within a week back the same please could I have some top to get her to clean her room

Mojoj · Today 17:23
Stop paying for her stuff. See how long she lasts then.“

This. Very few 18 year olds are as privileged. In your home, she must respect your wishes.

She dose work full time and get a good wage I think,
I think the reason I am so soft with all of my dd is they only have me and my dh (yes all 3 dad) we had eldest very young in teen, I am nc with my family ( have been most of life)the only one I spoke to was my nana who died when I was 18 ( she loved my eldest dd) my dh family moved to other side of country to help with his ds who is older than us we see then on special occasions, we have worked hard to get we’re we are and grown up together and think sometimes we get it wrong ( I very much adore my dh he is the most gentle kindest man), we both work and always have

Is it that she doesn’t know “how” to clean. I know that sounds bonkers, but could it be that it just gets too overwhelming.

I really kind “a slob comes clean” blog and book “declutterjng at the speed of life” . She breaks it down what order you do things to clear up. (Obvious trash, easy things to put away and so on working in such a way you don’t make more mess as you try to get organised)

Rather than do it for your dd, could you work together on the steps to get it clean and organised? She might not want to or be able to do it alone.

honestly I did think this, ( I have started to realise I may have done more than most ) so the last few time I have been showing her how I do it and what’s the easiest way like all the rubbish 1st and dirty clothes in the basket, change the bedding even tho I do make her take that off when I’m doing a bedding wash,
im not sure I’ve done the right thing anymore, I thought I was being a good parent do everything, I was never shown how a parent dose thing so just did my best

but her room is beyond disgusting, there is food everywhere (we have a no food upstairs rule she just ignores it) I honestly would say it smells like a tip

I bet she doesn’t let her friends in her room.
And until she starts respecting her bedroom, you shouldn’t give her the option of taking over the lounge.

home owner or rented property?

Parenting isn’t about always being the ice guy, “doing everything”.

it is about so so much more than that. By doing this your daughter will be completely ill prepared for independent life. And imagine the squalor your grandchildren may grow up.

the change needs to come from you and your dh first

You don't know if she saves her money (unlikely imv), she takes food to her bedroom, you provide all online stuff for free, she showers /baths more than once a day (ridiculous), you do all her cooking and cleaning ---I think you and your husband need to give your self esteem a shake up and start making some rules that must be kept ..........there's nothing wrong with your DCs only having you two as family - they are very very lucky to have two loving parents and they should show you some appreciation and respect.

There are so many things you could change to teach her some more grown up behaviour I don't know where to start. But you need to stop spoiling her - it's doing her no favours.