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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Tell me about your teenager after school routine

33 replies

Iwanttoslowdown · 01/12/2022 09:37

I usually try and make myself available between 3-3.30pm for the after school teens returning. And then I don’t usually see them until dinner - and all eating at different times too. How and when do you carve out time for your teens - thinking I might need to rethink this routine so looking for inspo.

OP posts:
lailamaria · 01/12/2022 12:42

i mean i don't see the problem in letting them do what they want in the late afternoon/evening to be honest, they're teenagers i think they're old enough to decide their own mealtimes as much as mumsnet disagrees

PeekAtYou · 01/12/2022 12:44

They come in, look in the fridge for food and make a drink. Then they go their room and listen to music, go on their phones etc
When they were in primary, they did the same. Screen/quiet time for an hour or so then played until dinner.

Sling · 01/12/2022 12:51

They both come in at different times due to ECAs, but irrespective they come in, raid the fridge and zone out til dinner around 7. Then homework, one prefers the dining room, one prefers their room. Maybe some TV depending if we've a series we're watching together. Maybe some mooching about, one loves jigsaws so we often have one on the go. I find they want to talk at 10, when I'm falling asleep!

I always think back to when they were little and i was desperate for my evenings back - it flies by and suddenly you're desperate to have them in the same room!

Seainasive · 01/12/2022 12:52

Same: snack & drink when DS comes home, we then see him at dinner and then he disappears to his room again. He then really absolutely vitally importantly must spend ages talking to me about lots of things when it’s time for lights out at 10 PM!

mumonthehill · 01/12/2022 12:54

Ds 15 comes in, says he has no news, nothing has gone on at school, raids the fridge, goes up to his room to do homework or game, comes down at 6.30 for supper if he does not have an activity, goes for a shower then watches tv with us from about 9 for an hour.

Pictograph · 01/12/2022 12:57

Why do they all eat at different times? I don't mind mine disappearing to their rooms but we do try to have a family dinner together (unless one of them is out at an activity).

arethereanyleftatall · 01/12/2022 12:57

They come in, make their own dinner, (I'm sometimes home, sometimes not), then I ferry them to their various sports activities. We chat in the car. I'm normally in bed before the 14 year old. 12 yo still likes getting put to bed, so we chat then.

MaggieMagpie357 · 01/12/2022 13:05

Mine get in around 3.45, quick debrief (there's usually a funny story from the day) then they grab a drink and snack and go to their rooms. I usually won't see them again until dinner, but we always eat together as a family and have a no phones at the table rule.

Then they help clear up and go back to their rooms, and I won't see them again until 9-9.30 when their phones lock and they're forced to interact with us, ha ha!

HavfrueDenizKisi · 01/12/2022 13:07

Mine get home just after 4pm. They have a quick chat and snack. Upstairs to bedroom, get changed, homework, probably stare at phone. Dinner at 7pm altogether. They watch tv or do bits in their room. Shower teeth and bed by 9/10.

SheWontSheCantShesLeft · 01/12/2022 13:10

Snack and crash out. Both on screens. Sometimes my son will play basketball with his mates. Then we have set homework times at 530 and 7pm. We will stop for dinner at 630 - we all hang out on sofa together eating food and watching tv.

At 8pm, my son will go out to play basketball til 930ish. My daughter either hangs out with me if we have our own tv series on the go, or she will have a bath and potter in her room til bed.

massistar · 01/12/2022 13:11

Youngest gets in around 4pm. I work from home so she'll pop in, tell me about her day then off to her room to chill or do any homework. DS, 17, gets in bit later. Off to activities if any on and we try to do dinner together when we can. Always dinner together on a Sunday! Week nights can be a bit bonkers as we all do a lot of sport but it works. Easier now DS can drive himself. Grin

MarshaBradyo · 01/12/2022 13:13

Oldest goes to gym pretty much every day, homework, cook or eat food I’ve cooked, game with friends, bed

Middle - often co curricular club, homework, eat, game with friends

Lkydfju · 01/12/2022 13:25

I try to be at home when teen DD gets home from school (I’m in and out with work) as that’s when she tells me about her day and I get almost a bit of a dump of information from her then she has a snack, goes on her phone for a bit and disappears upstairs to do homework/talk to friends etc until she comes for dinner. Sometimes she’s very chatty and we carry on chatting after dinner and sometimes not (likewise for me). Sometimes dinner becomes chaotic but I try to make sure we’re all sitting down together a few times a week.

Passthecake30 · 01/12/2022 13:32

mumonthehill · 01/12/2022 12:54

Ds 15 comes in, says he has no news, nothing has gone on at school, raids the fridge, goes up to his room to do homework or game, comes down at 6.30 for supper if he does not have an activity, goes for a shower then watches tv with us from about 9 for an hour.

Exactly this, 13&14 yr old. I only see them for food or if there’s anything they are interested on tv. I wfh but often in meetings when they come home.

gruffalosbrother · 01/12/2022 14:02

I pick mine up from the bus so they chat in the car, eat rubbish, go to their rooms on their phones and homework and come down for dinner about 6.45 which we all eat together, non negotiable, They spend most of the evening in their rooms appearing if they need something. I then announce I'm going to bed and they suddenly need to talk to me urgently, usually if I'm in the toilet.

Quiegal · 01/12/2022 17:59

My DS 15 comes in normally goes to the kitchen to get something to eat and will tell me about school. Then he will sit or lay on sofa on his phone.

But today he comes in nothing much was said he did go kitchen. But went to his room and said this not like him until he text me he felt unwell. Haven't seen him since.

sheepdogdelight · 02/12/2022 15:08

We try to eat an evening meal together - though that's not every day due to people's working patterns.

I'm not sure carving out a routine works as they tend to want to you when they want to talk to you, which isn't at a nice consistent time.

DD works 3 evenings a week and stays late to study on the other 2, so evenings are quite busy - so we tend to prioritise doing something (we both like mooching round charity shops) at weekends rather than after school. I think we might have our best conversations when I'm giving her lifts to places :)

CountessOfNetflix · 02/12/2022 15:17

We eat together most nights. It’s the only time I can get them together, off screens and interacting!

DD is 14 and in full on ‘I want to sit in my room pretending to do homework and face timing my mates’ mode. We hardly see her downstairs , but I make a point of checking homework is done periodically and annoying her by going and lying on her bed and saying ‘hiiiiiii…whatchadoin?’ 😆 We also have one Netflix show which is ‘our show’ that we watch together, and I plan trips out with just the two of us, even if it’s just a Starbucks and a chat. She’s fairly moody and thinks I’m embarrassing, generally, though….

18 Ye old DS is a bit more sociable. Will come and watch telly with me and have a chat. He’s come through the worst of the teen stage I think. 🙏 We are re-watching all the Marvel films together at the moment. I can’t stand them but it’s a way to bond Grin

123woop · 02/12/2022 15:33

Why are they all eating at different times?

WinterFoxes · 02/12/2022 15:38

If they came home straight after school I'd usually offer a snack and ask about their day. But they often stayed late for clubs. Left them to their own devices until family dinner which we always ate together if possible. Then homework, bath, bedtime, though they often stayed up on phones or chatting online.

Blanketpolicy · 02/12/2022 15:53

We managed to have meals together most of the time throughout ds(18)s teen years, but we would be flexible and adjust them as needed to suit us all and not sweat it if we couldn't.

He would be home from school around 3-3:30ish, grab a quick drink/snack, revise for an hour or so (and/or gym/football), we'd have dinner together then maybe more revision if close to exams or he would go out/play on console. When he was a younger teen he would be off the console around an hour before bed and would come and chat to us sometimes. We were flexible and dinner could be anytime between 5-7ish depending on what all our plans were.

Singleandproud · 02/12/2022 15:58

DD finishes a couple of hours before I do so does an after school club, pops into grandparents for tea and snack, comes home and gets changed, does her homework and then chills. I get home cook dinner and then we either rush off to sport training which is the perfect time to catch up as it's 45 mins each way or we chat a bit after dinner and either do our own thing or have a game of chess etc. It's only the two of us though so I expect things are a bit different in larger families.

I'm starting a WFH job soon and DD is bereft at losing her home alone time lol.

Carbon12 · 02/12/2022 15:58

I don't have teenage kids but when I was younger, I used to have to attend mosque after school from 5pm - 7.30pm.

My weekdays were very structured.

Came home from school around 3.30, had a snack, watched tv and then left for mosque around 4.30pm.

We'd get home from mosque about 7.45pm, mum would keep dinner ready, so we'd eat straight away and then more tv or last min homework.

Bed around 9.30pm.

MissyB1 · 02/12/2022 16:01

Ds is nearly 14, He gets home at 4:30.

Hot chocolate and snack in bedroom
half an hour kicking ball in garden.
starts homework
Dinner
finishes homework
phone/screen time in bedroom
9pm shower
9:30 supper and phone is left in living room
9:45 bed.

gingercat02 · 02/12/2022 16:06

Mine (14 boy) goes to the gym 2 or 3 times a week.
He has football training on Monday. Other nights homework or PlayStation. In the lighter nights they all play football or go to the beach some evenings.
Really up to him I don't work 2 afternoons a week but often don't see him until after 5